Post # 1
How do people think it should be balanced? The thread about whether or not people wear makeup when it’s just them and their SO got me thinking about this.
I grew up in a house where friends, bosses and co-workers, and neighbours always got the best–time, good moods, food, whatever–and our family got what was left over. People in my family tend to have great outside relationships, and poor family relationships, suprise, surprise! My in-laws are the opposite–they would never put effort into, say, making cupcakes to take to work, without making twice as many for their own family.
Just wondering about where people think the balance ought to be.
Post # 2
I’m a bit confused as to what you’re asking; appearance-wise who gets the best?
I mean, if I’m going out to see friends, usually a text determines that – “How’re we dressing today? Yogas or fancy for lunch?”
For my man, I usually am just ‘normal’. Whatever I wore to work and what not.
Family gets me in my sweat pants lol
I really only get dressed up for events or something.
Post # 3
justinsgirl2016: I like your comment, the way you put it, it sounds like being in sweat pants CAN be giving your family your best – like you’re all the most relaxed, when you’re around each other.
If your family was having a party, and you all put a lot of effort into making the house and food nice, whereas in everyday life you didn’t do those things for each other, even though they’re more important than anyone you’d be inviting to the party, how would you think through that?
Post # 4
My personal life with my husband, or family, or friends is all the same. I don’t sugar coat anything. For example, my laundry is NEVER folded and usually in my living room no matter who comes over.
Post # 5
LaurenMJ: I mean, I have a bit of OCD when it comes my home being clean, but I have four dogs so I have to be lol
So, my house is always good to go. If I’m having ANY guests – friends, family, or whatever, over to my home, I always make sure I have something to offer them. Bottled water, soda, wine, beer, whatever. I like to be hospitable. Fiance and I usually just eat take-out or something, so we take the extra step to make sure food is in the house if we’re having guests.
I would say if I’m hosting something with extended family, not immediate family, is when I really go all out. For instance, I recently hosted a party and went out and bought all new serveware because I didn’t own any. I wanted to make sure things looked good and presentable, rather than placed in plastic mixing bowls because I didn’t have any glass ones lol
But yeah, appearance, make-up when exiting the house, no make up when staying in. I don’t really care who’s coming over for what. lol
Post # 6
I think it just depends on what “best” you are talking about… for instance my work gets my most polite/most polished dress but my Darling Husband get gets my best attention and love and affection and my family gets my “best” making sure I am there for them and helping them out. I have many different “bests” in my life and different sides come out in different situations
I don’t think that my family cares that I go to work all dolled up and I see them in yoga pants and a T cause my “look” isn’t what they care about (it’s about being a family and spending time together and helping each other out)
that being said I wouldn’t only want Darling Husband to see me in sweats and a bun with no makeup he should get some of the fancy/pretty/polished me too but in the end that isn’t what defines our relationship – while I know that he thinks I am pretty and attractive its that we love each other and make each other better people and feel our best together… and for that it doesn’t matter if I am in PJs or an evening gown (and to be honest Darling Husband probably likes PJS better cause then he can be in his too instead of being in a suit and tie!)
I do have different “standards” if I am hosting a party/dinner vs a girl friend coming by for a glass of wine and “whine” though…. If I am folding laundry I would keep on going if Darling Husband or a BFF showed up but if I was having a dinner for 10 of course I would put that away (or at least hide it off in the bedroom) but that is just sort of my standard of “hosting”… I do have friends that will sometimes joke “oh so and so must be coming by since its so clean in here today!”
Post # 7
If my family is coming, it’s a special treat – they live far away. So the house will be spotless, or as close as we can get. If his family is coming, they’re teeming with allergies and also don’t come out much, so again we’d be aiming for clean perfection. I wouldn’t change the way I dress for them, though, unless we’re doing a special meal for a holiday or something.
I don’t pretend anything with my husband. He makes jokes when it’s time to clean that we shouldn’t bother because we’d be “living a lie.” We wear what we want to wear when we want to wear it. We wear a nice shirt to go out to eat but keep our jeans on.
Also for what it’s worth, I don’t do “you get what you get” with clothing really anyway. For example I will not wear pajamas in public and generally don’t run around the house in them either. I’m not trendy and I don’t do makeup pretty much ever, but I do have standards about what I feel is appropriate to look like in the public eye.
Behavior wise, I’m pretty much the same with everyone. I modify my jokes based on the audience and I don’t discuss hot topics if I think it’s going to make things uncomfortable, but that’s about it.
Post # 8
LaurenMJ: Darling Husband and I have been together for 7 years and I try to give him my best every day. I make a daily effort with my appearance, I always hug and kiss him when he comes home (I work from home). I don’t bug him with anything when he walks through the door because he needs a chance to unwind. I put effort into making dinners he likes pretty much every night, keeping the house tidy, lighting candles, etc. I try to make our home his favorite place, his refuge, his one little spot in the world where everything is easy and makes sense. I do my best to maintain my figure, be upbeat, let all the small stuff go, etc. I like to wait on him and focus on him in lots of little ways every day.
I don’t do any of this because I feel like I have to or because he demands it. I do it because I feel like he deserves my best. He does so much for me every day and he’s such a good man that I think he deserves the same in return. When there’s a blizzard he goes out to do the shopping, he does all the laundry, he’s patient, he buys me flowers all the time, he writes me notes every day before he goes to work (seriously, every day for 7 years and counting), he makes an effort to look good for me and stay in shape, he’s generous beyond measure and works hard so I can work from home (I left a high paying job to do it).
I think making an effort is a sign of respect and love, and honestly I still want to impress my husband because he’s a catch! I like him! I think a lot of women want to be showered with affection and romance but they don’t think that much about what they bring to the table longterm. They think they should be able to act however they want, gain endless weight and stop trying to look cute (fyi- i’m not talking about normal age related weight gain or pregnancy here), have zero filter even when they’re nagging/complaining/criticizing their guys constantly, have endless expectations, be impossible to please, etc. I think it’s probably kind of hard to romance someone who dresses like a bum all the time, doesn’t do anything nice for you, makes zero effort, etc. In my book just working and cleaning aren’t enough. My husband gives me more than just a paycheck and clean laundry and I do the same for him.
My husband and I have talked about this before and we agree that we wouldn’t say marriage takes “work” but that marriage requires daily effort. I would actually say that putting in this effort has helped both of us excel in our careers. I regularly bake things for him to take to work, do his secret santa shopping (actually I do all of our gifts/cards for occasions), and make it easy for him to do work at home by making it calm and stress-free. It’s hard to focus on a job when your home life sucks so I don’t think it’s really an either or.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
I make an effort to be my best self with my fiance, but we are comfortable enough to be our lazy selves sometimes too, when it comes to appearance, housekeeping, gestures and gifts. However, our respect and love for each other never changes.