(Closed) Glad I can see the diff between good friends and ” others”

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee

I think there’s more to friendship than frequent contact.  I’d much rather a friend I can trust but talk to rarely, than someone I can’t trust and talk to frequently.  

I rarely call people, family or friends.  I don’t like talking on the phone, don’t want to be a bother, and it’s not like I’ve got anything to talk about anyway.  I get crap about it all the time, and even when Fiance is out of town, I wait for him to call.  

It could also be that in not wanting to bother you, your friend has become scared of calling you.  Maybe she thinks you’ll be mad at her, or that you won’t be interested in what’s going on in her life.  Maybe at this point it’s too awkward to call.  

I don’t get terribly close to people.  I’m still working on being open with Fiance, going on six years.  Don’t get me wrong, he knows the major things, but the day to day things I am working on.  

I’m also known for disappearing, sometimes I get tired of everything and need time to myself.  I’ll reach out when I’m ready.

Post # 5
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

If she has recently had a baby, then yes, it might be too much to call once a month – regardless of what other friends have done in similar situations. Maybe her baby is fussier, maybe she is working as well, maybe her husband isn’t as able to help as much, maybe her recovery has been slower etc., etc. Quite honestly, if she does find an hour of time for herself, she probably wants to sit in peace and quiet or sleep.

Friendship is a two-way street. How many times have you picked up the phone to call her? Offered to bring a hot meal so she doesn’t have to deal with cooking, stopped by to help with laundry or run errands?

I don’t have kids, but I have friends who have/will be in the next few months. Their lives change so much after having a child that I think they should be forgiven for not remembering to call you at the top of their priority list.

Post # 6
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My friends and I discussed this just the other day.  We’re married now, some with jobs, some with kids, and we find ourselves apologizing for not talking enough.  Life gets in the way sometimes… by the time you’ve done everything that the day requres, sometimes you’re jsut exhausted and getting on the phone is the last thing on your mind.  I appreciate that, no matter how much time goes by, when I do connect with a good friend, it’s as if no time went by at all.  It’s nice to hear, “Don’t worry about it!  I understand.”  I think it takes paying attention and making the effort, though, to not let a friendship just slip away, and I am guilty of that in a way.  Some of that is having been in an abusive relationship, when I truly let everyone (friends and family) become distant, and now I am rebuilding relationships and missing the ease of the way it used to be… I guess what I’m saying is, sometimes we don’t know what is going on in the other person’s life, so leave the door open (so to speak) if you can.  (I am not saying she’s in my situation at all!  Just saying don’t cut her off for not calling.  Life really does get in the way sometimes.)

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I can see both sides of this.

I am that friend that doesn’t call people. My job involves me to talk to people alll day long, and by the time I get home I just dont have time/don’t want to. And our weekends are jammed pack with stuff. My best friend was the one exception, and we called eachother a lot. But over the years, our friendship has changed and its not the same. We were at different pointsin our life and it made conversations weird. Now its been sooo long, that it just feels awkward to call.

Having said that, my other good friend is a new-ish relationship, and has fallen off earth I guess. We keep in touch via email and she is constantly canceling plans. I keep making plans with her, and she has been canceling since March!

It’s tough, but your friend is probably just REALLY busy right now. I dont have kids yet, but I can imagine the stress she’s under. Maybe offer to swing by with a cup of coffee, and just visit with her for a little bit?

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