(Closed) Glad you had more time being married with no kids or not? Why?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m almost 35, and I always wanted to have kids.  I didn’t meet my husband til I was 32, so for awhile before I met him I was a little worried that I might miss the boat.

Now that we’re married, I keep thinking about all the things I will give up when we have a kid, and I find myself tempted to procrastinate!  We planned a delayed honeymoon for August, leaving on our 11-month-iversary, and I think we will start thinking about kids after that.

If you have 6 months, I suggest you think about things you want to get out of your system and try to enjoy them.  Pick a travel destination, spend extra time with your friends and family, enjoy being able to socialize without managing a baby, drink some wine, eat some sushi, etc. 🙂

Kids are great, and as I said we are planning to have them, but they can also limit your free time and your budget.  So, take this opportunity to enjoy the lack of responsibility.  At least, that’s my suggestion.

Post # 4
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I sort of wish we had more married time before we had DS, but I was 4 months preggo at our wedding, and we only dated/lived together 8 months before I got preggo.  It would’ve been nice to have taken the trips to europe we were planning, take up new hobbies together, and spend money on things for us.  On the other hand, we both matured alot and our relationship is better for it.  I guess we’ll just wait for our kids to be a bit older and do all the fun exciting things with them!

Post # 5
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know how you feel! We had agreed on a 5 year time line when we were dating. We’re about to hit year three, and now we’re married, making decent money etc. I’m sooo ready I would do it tomorrow if I could. Darling Husband, on the other hand, sometimes says that he would like to maybe wait for another year or so AFTER the two more years. 

I know we for sure will wait at least one year from this June because we’re in Afghanistan atm. However, the thought of waiting another year after that – let alone several more “breaks my heart a little” too. 

Not to mention that it can take months/years to even get pregnant. And THEN you have to wait 9 months. It just seems like such a long time to me!

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

We were the opposite – I think my husband would have been fine trying right away but I wanted to be married for a year before we did (I was 31 when we were married, he was 34).  Becoming parents is a BIG deal, so I would not push your Darling Husband on this.  You will never regret having that newlywed year to just focus on the two of you, to build a strong marriage, and to do some of the things you want to do before you start a family. 

One thing you can do during this year is to start to learn your cycles (off BCP) so when he is ready you can increase your chances of getting preggers right away 🙂

Post # 7
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I hear you, I feel the same way!  For us it is important that we spend one year married without kids and start trying after our 1st anniversary (which is in 3 months!!!!), that we are financially stable (we are so blessed and are incredibly comfortable), and we are in the process of building a house so I’m sure we’ll really enjoy our first nights in our new home. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am of two minds about this… on one hand, you never know how long it is going to take to conceive, so you might end up having more time than you thought, but on the other hand, having a good amount of time (I will say 1-2 years, but that’s just my opinion) before the baby arrives for you to settle into your marriage and enjoy each other is really, really nice.  You can never get that time back, you know?

FWIW, we waited (after being together 7 years pre-marriage) until we would have been married for 1.5 years before we had a baby, but we have now been TTC for a year… so the earliest we would have a baby would be 2.5 years in.  I am actually really grateful for the extra time – we have both gotten big work promotions, so we have had more money to save and to enjoy life, we have traveled a TON, and we both feel really, REALLY now (not so much the case when we first started TTC).

Post # 9
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

my concern was never if we had abundant TIME together before baby but that we were settled in LIFE before baby. So, I made sure to plan baby around my time of graduation so I’d have my master’s degree before he or she gets here (i’m done in a few days!) and we own our home and we have health insurance and all of that.

But as far as the marriage goes, especially if you’ve been together for awhile before marriage, I don’t think it nessesary to wait. You really never know how long it’ll take you to get pregnant.

Also: we want many kids but I don’t want to be an old mom so that was another part of our decision to get started sooner. So, there are so many components to think about. 

Post # 10
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I started dating Darling Husband when I was 19 and we moved in together shortly after. 10 years later we got married and had a baby the same year! 

I’ve had the thought looking at my beautiful DS that if I had had him 5, 6, etc. years ago I would have had that many more years of him in my life now. But alas, we can’t predict the future, so who knows.. but I do know that it changes your life, so drastically, and life is so short to begin with.. make sure you fill yours with the things, the people, that are important to you. 

Post # 11
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@smores:  Ha!  You sound like me… I’m turning 29 and Fiance just turned 27.  I have a severe case of the “fever” too.  We’ve been together for 5 years and when we marry we’ll be edging on 6 years, and will have lived together for almost a year.  I think that’s enough alone time, but I wouldn’t mine a little more, 6 months maybe, before seriously TTC. 

Plan before was that Fiance wanted to be 30 when he had his first child, but that would mean that I’d be 32.  He recently told me he’d rather be 29 and said that if we were to get pregnant now, he’d be happy it it happened.  So we’re taking the steps now to get me of BCP and start charting.  I’m sorry I don’t think I answered you question very well … but  as long as your Darling Husband is on board with how much “married time” you’ll have go for it!

Post # 12
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

We’ve been together for 6 years, married for 1.5 and I’m 29 this year. We said we would wait until I am 30 (he’s 2 years older) before actively TTC. I went through a phase about 6 months ago when I was really feeling the fever and seriously reconsidered the timeline. It didn’t help that 5 friends just had their first child in the last months. However, we evaluated our life and realized how many things would change with a child and decided we want to continue waiting. I want to finish my degree and start a career and he is currently on a career path that may send him/us abroad. Also, we like to travel so we have set a few trip goals to reach before becoming parents. Making the decision to wait free from hormonal emotions is a huge difference and when I think about babies, I think about South Africa and New Yealand, the two adventure trips we want to have before kids. It may seem kind of selfish but children are a lifetime commitment and we want to enjoy them with all of our hearts so we are enjoying adult activities now in order to settle into family mode soon.

Post # 13
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I feel your pain. It can be really hard. Darling Husband and I were set to start this year, 28 and 30 and everything inline, home owners, good jobs, finances in order etc…but then something else came up career wise that would not make it a BAD time. I am CRUSHED. So I know how you just wish you could just break down and cry. I now have to wait another 2 years at least. For me I am just trying to make the best of the time Darling Husband and I have together until we get to “the time” where we can try again.

Like others said, go out and enjoy things together just you two, if you cant afford a big trip, plan little weekend get aways or just a night out and do something fun. I know its easier said than done because I am trying my best to tell myself the same things. Hang in there and hopefully before you know it you will be at your Anniversary and ready to start TTC! Best of luck.

Post # 14
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m not married yet and we both want to have kids, but we both agree to wait at least a year, maybe two before TTC.  I have two nephews (ones almost 4 and the other was just born 2 weeks ago) and with the birth of the second one I got baby fever, but all it takes is babysitting for me to remember yes we are waiting lol we want to have some us time before our lives become devoted to a mini us, we’re spending all of our engagement in different countries so I want him all to myself for a while first XD

Post # 15
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

We’ve been married just over a year and i thought at the year mark i would be pushing for a baby but i’m not quite there yet! i’ve loved having this past year just being married and settling in to married life – i wouldnt trade it for anything. I think we will finally start trying towards the end of the year.

Post # 16
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

We are married, two years this July, without kids and loving every minute of it!  Why add extra stress to your lives before you need to?  There are a million threads on here about how hard the first year of marriage is- and that is without kids!

To me, marriage comes first.  A healthy and a happy marriage should be a requirement for having children, IMPO.  That being said, take some time and let it grow and adjust and love it!  Being married is so wonderful, but not without its challenges too, and given the choice, I would not rush the children.  No matter who you are or how much you love kids, adding them in is a lot of new stress.  Best to let your marriage settle first and enjoy it before committing yourself to even more stress!

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