Post # 1
This is an old article but I dug it up out of curiosity…I worked for a non profit back in May, 2009 and the man in this article (John) was on our board of directors..he brought the woman in the article (Carol) to our fundraising event as a guest, considering she was not his wife at the time and John had a brand new baby at home (with his wife) it sparked the interest of my colleagues and I that the two were holding hands…well I found this article, a couple of years old already but still couldn’t believe the outcome…
I guess I am mostly baffled about how the article portrays these two as victims of love…I can’t imagine going on family vacations with another family knowing I had feelings for the husband (beyond platonic)…I am not against having friends of the opposite gender by any means but to allow platonic feelings to escalate into something “less platonic” without exhibiting a little self control seems absurd…and by self control I don’t mean just physical but emotional as well.
It seems the couple is being praised by NYTimes since they didn’t technically “cheat” on their SO’s, I just can’t believe it..what are your thoughts? Are these two just victims of “love” who didn’t realize what they were getting themselves into before it was too late?
Post # 3
Disgusting. My dad pulled this shit after being married to my mom for 30 years. It’s the most selfish, narcissistic attitude someone could possibly have. My dad gave up his whole family (my mom and 3 daughters) to be with his coworker who was also married. He left our family in horrible financial situations that he caused all because he fell in “love” and couldn’t help himself. Pathetic.
Post # 4
@soy: I agree. Yuck, just yuck. I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the article.
Marriage is a commitment. When you meet someone else who is handsome and charming – and let’s face it, you will, because your husband isn’t the only handsome and charming guy in the world – you distance yourself from them so feelings don’t develop. This couple could have chosen to do that, but instead they chose to get to know each other better, and at the very least have an emotional affair.
Both my father and brother have followed the same path. “Fell in love with someone else”. I accept their new wives now, but it’s so tough on the wife they’ve walked out on.
Post # 5
To be honest, I have no problems with divorcing a spouse you aren’t happy with. I would like to think that if my husband and I ever reach the point that we’re seriously fantasising about marrying someone else, then we will first try our best to resolve the problems and, if it doesn’t work, then we will end it rather than spend the rest of our lives resentful just so the family can “stay together”.
Having said that, I think it would be pretty gutless to not try and determine what needs the other person is meeting that your spouse isn’t and working to resolve those needs and issues within your current marriage. I can’t imagine coming home and saying “I’ve met someone else! Here’s the divorce papers!”
Post # 6
Disgusting. My Future Mother-In-Law did basically the same thing.
Post # 7
Is this seriously in the NYTimes WEDDING section?! These two clearly know someone at the Times. This makes me greatly reconsider submitting ourselves for the wedding announcements (which Fiance really wants to do.)
This article is disgusting and the fact that they have taken such a private situation and thrown it into the goddamn times makes me incredibly sad for their young children.
Post # 8
Obviously I think you should be loyal to your origional spouse…but if I’m reading it correctly, these guys tried and tried to deny it and then seperated from their spouses before they ever did anything, right?
I’m not saying that’s a great thing to do…but it’s a heck of a lot better than actually cheating. Cheating is the ultimate narcisism because you decide to lie so that you don’t have to choose between your two options.
Ultimately, it’s hard for me to believe that these guys were star crossed lovers. At the begining, doesn’t any great relationship feel like a “soul mate” where you are so magnetically drawn to a person? Isn’t that just the same as the early phase of romantic love?
But, I really can’t judge because I’ve never experienced this. While I find it hard to believe, I fully understand that other people have had experiences that I do not share.
Post # 9
I have always said that if you are not happy in your marriage, that you need to get in ( participate in counselling, work on improving the relationship etc) or get out.
From what I read these two chose to get out. They did not have an affair. They waited until they were both separated. They did not even live together until another 1/2 year had passed after they separated.
While we all hope our marriages are for life, the reality is that many of us will be divorced. I can only hope that we will hande a failed relationship as well as these two.
Post # 10
These two behaved selfishly and got applauded for it in the New York Times. I wish the interviewer had spoken to the exes to show what they went through.
Post # 11
@soy: Eurgh, this sounds like my father. I got the feeling thst they were really saying ‘Our love is too special for morals or decency, so it doesn’t MATTER that we hurt our families in a horrible way’. If there is one thing I hate it’s a cheater. And yes, I think that they did cheat. An emotional affair can be every bit as bad as a physical one.
I wonder if those two miserable people in the background are their exes?
Post # 12
“It’s the most selfish, narcissistic attitude someone could possibly have. …because he fell in “love” and couldn’t help himself. Pathetic.
“Marriage is a commitment. When you meet someone else who is handsome and charming – and let’s face it, you will, because your husband isn’t the only handsome and charming guy in the world – you distance yourself from them so feelings don’t develop. This couple could have chosen to do that, but instead they chose to get to know each other better, and at the very least have an emotional affair.
“I got the feeling thst they were really saying ‘Our love is too special for morals or decency, so it doesn’t MATTER that we hurt our families in a horrible way’. If there is one thing I hate it’s a cheater. And yes, I think that they did cheat. An emotional affair can be every bit as bad as a physical one.
You all put it so very well.
Post # 13
I absolutely agree that is narcissistic and selfish. however, mothers are as responsible as fathers of the economic well being of a family. that’s the only part i don’t agree with.
Post # 14
I just read the article, and what’s so disgusting about this situation?
this people met while they were married. they fell in love. they never acted upon it, and they didn’t have an emotional affair either. as soon as they confessed the feeling, they broke up with their spouses. a year later they moved in together.
the part that is wrong is….?
Post # 15
@soy: Wow I just read your personal observation: “in May, 2009 … John had a brand new baby at home (with his wife)“. Since the article says their first date was May 2008, that means he was dating someone else while his wife was carrying his child. Disgusting. But somehow the article missed that detail.
John if you ever google yourself and find this: sorry for being so judgy, but you were the person who decided to tell your story publicly.
Post # 16
Not when your husband tells you that he pays the taxes every year and them you find out he’s been lying to you for years. Not every situation is the same.