Post # 1
Okay so our wedding is in Oct of this year. We have some friends with kids, we have nieces and nephews. We just got a new nephew on Sunday. We were fence sitters. I was ok with kids as long as he 100% wants them. Well when he saw this new baby he was like, “YUP! I want one!” and to his credit he looked like a natural man. He fed him and burped him and was great. So I realize our TTC date wouldn’t be for several months. But I am looking for suggestions for what we should try to have completed in our lives before we bring in another human. For instance we currently rent our house, should we try to buy one first? Right now we have 3 bedrooms and one bath and rent is comfortable with a yard. Now I wouldn’t want one bath with a teenager but with a baby it would be fine. So I need a list of goals, maybe that you and your SO had before starting a family? Should I finish my bachelors. I just got my associates and I have been out of school for 8 years but at first I was working jobs that didn’t really allow me to also take classes. My job is steady, I work for my family business that has existed since the 70’s. His… is in sales though where you have to meet goals or you get the can. Maybe he should get a different job first? I know it seems far out but I would like to start ttc soon after the wedding so if we need to get things in order I think we should start now.
Post # 2
If you’re comfortable renting now, I don’t see the rush to buy. Would that even be realistic in a few months? Would you delay TTC for a few years to finish your bachelors? I don’t see how much can be done within a few months prior to TTC other than something like saving a crap load of money and taking a last pre TTC big vacation type thing. Other things you list sound more like a long term going to TTC in a few years type goal.
Post # 3
I don’t think there is anything wrong with renting when you have a baby, BUT I do think you should do so recignizing that adding a baby will delay when you would be able to buy. Babies are expensive, and then add in daycare etc….it will be harder to save. Not impossible, but not as easy as it is now. So it’s up to you to weigh what that means in terms of saving etc.
In terms of new jobs…I would caution to be careful just in terms of benefits. If your Darling Husband wants a new job, make sure you guys are covered for pregnancy as well as time off…
Our personal goal was to own a house before TTC, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. My honest opinion would be that you guys should enjoy being married for awhile, even a few months, before TTC, but that’s just my opinion. I think it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of having a baby and forget that once you get pregnant it won’t be just the two of you for a VERY long time. You’ll never get back that “newly married, just us” time.
Post # 4
We actually could be ready to buy a house by next January. So even if we were ttc late this year we wouldn’t be far along. We started looking last December but didn’t find anything we liked enough to move out, and so we just renewed our lease.
Post # 5
you are ready when you are ready. i got married at 32, i owned my home already and had a graduate degree. i traveled some but definately wanted to travel more. but i was ready for a child and so was Darling Husband, so we started TTCing right away (although it took us two years with intervention, and we are now 30+/- days away from meeting our little one).
but if you are comfortable where you are in life and babies are the next step, there is no set goal list to accomplish.
Post # 6
If you feel the itch to buy a home before baby comes, and can afford to do so, go for it! If it makes more sense to rent and save up more (assuming you can save more while renting) before commiting to a house, that’s ok too. If you think buying is better in the long run, even if it’s a starter home to build equity, and you’ll still have a comfortable amount of savings left over, then maybe that’s better! It’s so different for each individual. If you feel ready to TTC and the baby is the priority, I don’t the point of looking for a list of “goals” (aside from being financially ready) to check off prior to TTC… jsut go for it!
Post # 7
Personally I always knew I wanted to finish my uni degree and get a stable job before I’d be comfortable having kids. Now that those details are out of the way, we made a list of things we’d like to do before we ttc and besides buying a house & a car, the rest is fairly simple, and kind of trivial.
We’ve both done a lot of travelling, apart and together, and lived abroad, so we both feel quite more stable at home than we did in our early twenties (I’m in my late twenties now), so those personal goals have already been achieved, and besides, we intend to continue travelling with or without a kid.
Our friends who have kids told us to take advantage of restaurants and patios before we have them, so that’s on our to-do-more-of list now. We are watching the shows we wanna watch, and pursuing hobbies as much as we can now…And then I have a personal goal of managing my anxiety better.
I don’t think everyone needs a list, but both SO and I have “excel spreadsheet” tendencies, so we enjoyed creating ours.
Post # 8
haha right? I am a list person!
I guess to be honest I will never “feel ready” because I still feel like a kid. (I’m 26 Fiance is 29) but being a parent is a big deal, that is being a grown up. Lol I guess I am just shocked there isn’t some sort of test I have to pass first. My step mom was saying the same thing, that we would be fine. She said she was scared out of her mind taking home her first born. She said as they were leaving the hospital she was thinking, “HOLY SHIT?!?! You all are just letting me walk out of here with this little person?!?! I don’t know what I am doing!” lol But you just do what you have to and a lot of things really are common sense and taking it a day at a time.
Post # 9
yea honestly, I don’t think anyone knows what they’re doing! We will definitely take some basic parenting classes, along with an extensive CPR course before we have our kid haha, at least for the peace of mind!
I think once you have your kid, you won’t wanna “unknow” him or wish you had more time to reflect on how to make yourself a better human being. I feel like we spend our lives constantly evolving and learning, so if we get too caught up in lists and details, we would always just be waiting for the right time.
Post # 10
Our goal was to both have our degrees wrapped up. We started TTC about 2 mos before DH’s graduation. That said, it took us nearly 3 years to conceive so just becasue you start trying doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get pregnant right off the bat.
Post # 11
1. Lose 25 lbs
2. Finish building our house (to be done in Sept. 2016)
3. Go to Thailand
Post # 12
these were our goals:
1. Get married
2. Sell apartment & buy a 3 bed house
That’s it! Still took about 6 years to get to that point!
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview
1. Pay off 4 loans (one we just officially paid off today!! and the other 3 will have paid off by December, if all goes well)
2. I get a new job with better hours (I currently work 12-9pm every day. I don’t want to be a “weekend mommy” and only get to see my kid only on weekends, especially once they reach school age.)
3. Save money to offset baby costs as well as decreased income during a maternity leave.
If all goes well, we hope to TTC this fall…pending the new job, of course. Although Darling Husband keeps talking about it more so fingers crossed we can start sooner (I’ve got major baby fever).
Post # 14
Hmmm…it’s such a personal thing that you both should discuss and reflect on what you want your life to be life once you have children. Think about what you want to do more of now and what you are ok with trying to do afterward.
We are going to start TTC in January/February 2017. Personally, our goals are related to finances, travel and career goals:
- We want to eliminate all student loan debt before TTC (will by Nov. 2016)
- I want to finish my master’s degree before a child is born (will by May 2017)
- I want to settle into my new career position for at least 2 years before a child is born (I will be 2 years in by July 2017)
- Darling Husband wanted to go to Europe (we went Dec 2015) and do one more cruise (going Sept. 2016)
- We want 6 months e-fund saved (done)
- We want to have $5,000 in a baby fund for OOP Max and other expenses (done)
Post # 15
I just want to be sure we aren’t forgetting anything. The savings account for baby is a great idea.