(Closed) Godmother

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
868 posts
Busy bee

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brides2be2015:  Unless you heard it from her own mouth, I would stop assuming that she cheated. No matter how reliable your source,  if it’s not from her, nobody knows her relationships like she does.

Post # 17
88 posts
Worker bee

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brides2be2015:  i think it’s super rude! but I think I your mom or aunt, whoever made the decision he could come, also messed up By not checking with you… I would ask whichever one of them it is to explain that they spoke out of turn, that you weren’t able to invite all the guests you wanted and that if someone you’ve invited can’t make it there are other people you wanted there… Or that you were very specific with your guest list to only have people you know well… Or just say you already stretched the budget to include the ex and you only did so because them being together for so long it would’ve been a snub to not invite him but that someone you don’t know/barely know shouldn’t be upset by that. If she gets upset tell her the invite would’ve come to just her and the kids if they were broken up at the time and it’s not really fair that you have to invite a stranger now because her relationship status changed SO FAST. If budget is really not an issue and you’re having a HUGE wedding with everyone one you want already invited it really depends on how badly you don’t want him there and how upset you think she’ll be… I tend to think everyone knows how stressful and expensive planning a wedding is so anyone who’s gonna make that worse doesnt really need to be there but I’ve also dealt with tons of drama with my family and finally realized making any one person happy will just piss everyone else off so I CANT worry about it or we will end up eloping and having no wedding at all. Here’s another reason, how do you explain to another family member with a similar length or longer relationship why they did not get to bring their SO and she did? (That may be the best option, invites are out, you cut off relationships shorter than x amount of time and ex made that cut but new did not and you can’t offend your other guests like that)

Post # 19
9087 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Step one, don’t assume she cheated unless she was sleeping with him right in front of your face.<br /><br /><br />Step two, pick your battles. If you were inviting her ex and her together, she’ll assume she still has a +1. I wouldn’t die on this hill.


Step three, you’ll have enough to deal with between now and your wedding. Don’t invite more stress by confronting her. Be like Elsa and let it go.

Post # 20
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would just let her bring her new bf.

My fiance invited one of his cousin who is kind of a flake. I didn’t want to invite  her because we are not close with her and everytime our family invite her to an event she replies with a yes but doesnt bother attending. On our invite I didn’t give her a plus one. I wrote I resever one seat in her honor. She wrote two adults will be attending. Now we are going to have to pay for 2 plates for 2 people who prob wont even bother showing up great. To avoid drama I am just allowing her to bring this guy.

I think you should be the bigger person and just allow him to come. There are more important things to worry about than worrying about who brings who to a wedding.

Post # 21
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015


brides2be2015:  ohhh okay! Well in that case I would call her up and let her know that he (the ex) was invited due to the length of their relationship and no this new bf can’t replace him (whether or not she cheated on him) The rule on +1 is dating for a long time, engaged or married…(& the new guy doesn’t fit any of these criteria) So no random +1 can be added. I think you should keep it fair across the board. To bad if it causes drama.. You’re the one paying and your wedding should be how you want it to be and you should be concerned about who is bring whom to YOUR wedding.. She can decline to come if she doesn’t like it … one less plate you guys have to pay for. 

Post # 22
7169 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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brides2be2015:  Her personal and romantic relationships aren’t any of your business. If you were going to let her bring a +1 before, she should still be allowed. Like a PP mentioned, people break up, people find new partners. You don’t know what goes on in other people’s relationships, and it’s not your job to pass judgement on how or why they got together. 

I invited one of my friends and her Darling Husband to my wedding. Her Darling Husband is anti-social and never attends that kind of stuff, so instead she RSVP’ed to bring a friend. Was I annoyed? Yes. I didn’t even know the friend she was bringing. That being said, I had already planned on her being “2” so if it made her more comfortable to have the friend in leau of her Darling Husband it was not a hill worth dying on. 

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