Post # 1
OK so Darling Husband and I were talking about who we would leave as guardians of our kid in a will.
Its not so much the Godparent roll as our kid may or may not be baptised so there may not be any real ceremony (unless we decide to do our own somehow), but legally. We are really thinking legally.
I would normally like to have my sister, but she isnt married and all his siblings are married or about to be married. So it wouldnt make sense to take his brother and my sister because we would be splittinga couple in half. And if they ever have to take care of our kid, how would they do it logistically. Just doesnt make sense.
then Darling Husband said he would rather have his parents. But then I said that is not fair to them. They would be older and have their own finances and retirement to worry about. But thinking about it, I bet they would love to do it and would want that.
But isnt it really strange to have people who are 60 (albeit a very young and healthy 60) essentially be your godparents. Say something happens in 10 years. They would be 70.
And you do choose your siblings, did you choose the entire couple or split them up?
EDIT: I forgot to put this in a category. Mods- can you move it someplace… not sure where
Post # 3
We chose the siblings who we thought were closet to us in their values, and would best be able to raise them anyway (because they have kids close in age), which was DH’s sister and her husband. We never put it in a will, I just spoke to her informally. Which probably wasn’t the wisest move, but we’re still alive so it’s ok 🙂
p.s. This was nothing to do with godparents, there are no godparents in our traditions.
Post # 4
My sister is dd godmother. I picked her & her husband (they were not married at the time but about to be engaged) because she is more like me then anyone I know. I know I can trust them to take care of her and any other child we might have. I have another sister & a brother who completely understood. Our parents weren’t even an option, just didn’t seem fair to ask them. Even though they aren’t old, my mom is in her 40s.
Post # 5
We picked friends to be the Godparents, but that’s in the “helping on the spiritual growth journey” sense. We’ve asked my parents to take care of our kid(s) in the event that something happens to us. They are older (obviously), but my mom is in better shape than most people my age, and I know they’ll be fine until my kids are old enough to be on their own (barring some other tragedy, but that’d be true of someone younger as well). If that changes, we will ask someone else, but for now, we are happy with that decision. We also trust that my parents would choose someone else we’d approve of if they felt they couldn’t do it (I don’t see that happening…)
My mom will also be providing part time child care as my kiddos grow up, so they will be more comfortable with her than anyone else.
Post # 6
@Jess1483: Thats a good point that they could choose someone else they trust if they need to.
Post # 7
We have godparents, Jewish friends who are our age, and for us there roll is to support our daughter throughout her life and always be in her corner, My parents will take custody though if anything were to ever happen to us.
Post # 8
I’m a godparent x2.
My Godson’s mother is a smidgen older than me.
My Goddaughter’s mother is my best friend in the whole wide world. She’s the same age as my Godson’s mother, so we’re all roughly the same age.
Post # 9
My aunt and uncle are my godparents. I don’t really see the point of it honestly. In our tradition it is not related to who you would go to if your parents passed away – that’s separate. I think Darling Husband and I will choose someone who could raise our kids just in case, but we probably wouldn’t call them godparents. Someone around our age would be best probably, most likely my sister or his.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@ThreeMeers: Best to pick a single person and then a backup. I also wouldn’t pick someone any older than your parents. It is difficult to pick a couple because they may not be married when and if something happens to you and your spouse. Godparents for the purpose of religious ceremonies (just tell your priest and they will sign the register) do not necessarily need to be the godparents for the purpose of legal custody (you need a will for this.)
Post # 11
I’d also like to note that I don’t have godparents (since I can’t ETA it in my post) but when I have children, my best friend & her husband will be their godparents.
Post # 12
I don’t have godparents and I don’t see my future children having them either.
But when I was growing up, I know my parents had talked to one of my sets of aunts and uncles (one of my dad’s sisters and her husband) about, if something were to happen to my parents, they would be the ones to raise me and my siblings. I don’t know if it was in a legal document or just a mutual agreement though.
I think it is probably best for that person (who would raise your children in your place) to at least be semi-close to you in age. I think its really hard to ask a parent (who will be much older and retired) to take on that responsibility.
Post # 13
My Godparents were also set up in my parent’s will to be my legal guardians if they both died. My Godfather is my dad’s college roommate and best friend of 40 years. My parents both have many siblings, but ultimately decided that his best friend and wife would be the best option. I also plan to have Godparents for my kids who who act as legal guardians, so my Fiance and I will think pretty carefully about who we ask to take on that role. Both of our sisters currently plan to remain childfree, so we will likely ask my best friend and his wife, as they have similar education, values, and family traditions to our own.
Post # 14
I had godparents. They were (and are) still married, and had kids about my age. However, I still wouldn’t have gone to them if something happened. My brothers had different sets of godparents, and certainly they wouldn’t have split us up if something happened.
In fact, I asked my mom about that the other day when thinking about DS and she said when they had my older brother, they asked my aunt (who already had 4 girls), but didn’t ask anyone after I was born or my little brother. I don’t exactly know what would have happened, and they never spelled it out. Obviously, it worked out ok, but it’s probably good to have a plan. We likely would have gone to my grandmother, although maybe to an aunt.
Post # 15
My husband’s religion doesn’t do godparents but mine does and in my family it’s kind of a big deal. That being said I want it to be someone I trust and have similar values and someone in the family so we’re thinking of my sister. She isn’t ideal but not matter what right now if anything happened my parents would probably be the first place our kid would end up but I think if she had to she would step up and be a great parent someday.
Post # 16
@ThreeMeers: Godparents has become different than legal guardians should anything happen. My godparents are my mom’s sister and my dad’s nephew. But mom and dad had in their will that my legal guardian would be my dad’s sister is anything had happened to them. Godparents doesn’t have to be a couple and in many cases siblings have different Godparents now (although not in all cultures). For legal guardians I would pick a couple whether its his parents, your parents, a good friend or a sibling. And I’d make sure they were ok with it. Remember that your child would be going through an extremely tramatic event if something happened to their mom and dad.