(Closed) Going anon — Care to lend some advice? [Possible triggery, long]

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@burrito:  Call Childline, and Child protective services. You can do it annonomusly.  I know that you say that there is no abuse happening, however, not olny is there not a stable home but there is a threat of abduction which is what that is. 




I would also do it to cover your own ass. Since she has told you the barest of details, that my dear makes you an accessory.




Please Call. If everything is ok at home CPS will let things alone after an investigation. If not, then it might be the best thing for that boy.


ETA: You tell them everything that you have told us, plus the details that you are leaving out.

ETA2 : Is heather comming back?



Post # 5
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@burrito:  This is my basic understanding of it, via a friend who works for our local Children and Youth.  The phone call comes in, they listen to your report. If something “pings” as a red flag, it goes to the next step. Which is a home visit and interview with everyone involved with the child, including the child himself.  There are a bunch of factors that happen here,  since  the primary issue is relocation at the minimum and kidnapping at the maximum, they would inform the mother of her rights as a mother, and the childs rights, as well as what the “allowable” distance is.  This varies by state. its usually no more than a 20- 50 mile radius, but sometimes it can be within state lines.

The other issue is the stable home enviorment, they will interview most everyone that is involded with the child. They might “suggest” that they remain in the school district, but i do not think that they would require her to stay ( I THINK?)

CPS is VERY through, and they do not take anyones ” I say so”, otherwise how many kids would still be in physically abusive homes?

This is one of those better safe than sorry occasions I believe.

Post # 6
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Personally, I wouldn’t do anything. I would stay out of it. 

If she has full custody over Caleb, then she can take him at any time as long as she keeps it in whatever custody agreement that they may or may not have. And if there is no agreement on custody terms, then this will trigger one if Alex fights for it. But she can take him. It’s not kidnapping. 

Seriously, and I say this without knowing you or your story, but I would butt out. You may not know the whole story. And if this is really worrying you, then call CPS. They wont do a thing until they have evidence that she is doing something wrong. 

Post # 7
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

agreed, call CPS… anon! and there is such a thing called Parental Kidnapping or Parental Child Abduction in some states JFI. Sorry you are in such an uncomfy position. goodluck

Post # 8
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Call CPS. It is anonymous. Make sure you know addresss, phone number, and dates of birth if possible. I used to be in this line of work. It’s better to be safe than sorry and you don’t know what else is going on at home.

Post # 9
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It does sound like kidnapping, but if she has full custody, I don’t think there’s anything that can be done.

Post # 10
46597 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Given that most of us are not experts in child protection, I would defer to those who are.

I would call and report my concerns. They will decide if they take any action or not.

The record of the HUD housing would verify her plans to move.

Although to be honest, I don’t know which situation is worse for the boy. The current one where he is living with a whole houseful of  people, or the planned one, where his mother will be on her own with no resources or support system.


Post # 11
7490 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If they have no legal custody agreement- then she is not violating anything until Alex objects.  Which he may not even do given how you have described him.  While what she is planning is not right- I don’t know that there is anything you can do about it. 

Also, if she has been issued HUD housing- that is a government program.  If Alex has the courts go looking for her- they WILL find her.  She won’t hide for long on government assistance.

Post # 12
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

If they have no legal custody agreement, then (to my understanding) she isn’t doing anything wrong.  If Alex once to fight it to get some legal agreement in place then he can, but at this point, I don’t think she’s violating anything.

Honestly, this HUD housing sounds like a better situation for Caleb and Heather than the house they are currently living in.

Post # 13
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011



+1. Since they’re not married and don’t have a custody arrangement setup, she can pretty much do whatever she wants as far as moving away goes. Alex would have to take her to court to file for cutody/visitation rights. You can express your concerns about her not having a support system in place where she’s planning on moving (not that the current living situation sounds great either), but legally she hasn’t done anything wrong. I agree that moving so often and lacking stability isn’t really good for a child, but it’s also not abuse.

Post # 14
269 posts
Helper bee

Guh! People who don’t know anything about welfare really make me mad! First off take time to understand HUD and low income housing. If you have zero or low income, rent and utilities are free. Also, food stamps and cash assistance will be available to her since she has no job and is in school. So there are your “resources” for those who say she has none. Second, I would back off! If there is NO custody agreement, from birth the mother (single unmarried) has 100% custody of her child. She can move a million times with that child and unless she is harming them, she is doing NOTHING wrong. I’m speaking with experience, ive moved my children many times, once their father called the cops thinking they would force me to stay, but even they confirmed the law! Unless she told you he’s being hurt, I would let her make the choices for her son, which seem better than being in that unstable home!

Post # 15
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@VossinatorsButterfly:  +1


My parents were never married and my mum took me with her away from Dad, no issues – back then he was a lot like what this guy sounds like.  

It’s their family, I would say it’s not your place to interfere.

Post # 16
11 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

You have no responsiblity to make sure she has filed custody paperwork.  The only reason you should contact CPS is if you think the boy is in danger.  Do you think she is planning to harm him in any way?  


She says she needs to get out of the home – a normal response from a friend would be to dig deeper and figure out what’s going on, not to worry about the paperwork.  CPS investigations are tough on families and children so again, unless you have any (however small) reason to think she is going to harm him in any way I would hold off on that call.


I would be concerned if this was going on with one of my friends so I totally empathize with you, but I just don’t think this situation requires intervention at this point.


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