Going away for college

posted 5 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think it’s necessarily the case, I mean, 4 years at ages roughly 18-22 won’t usually build enough connections to stay in an area unless they really like it. I think it just broadens  people’s horizons to do different things and go different places. People just drift here and there over their lives.

My kid is finishing up his freshman year of high school and my nephew his sophomore. I actively tell them to go to college in a different state if possible. I want them to see new places, have different experiences, and come back to our home state if they want. While our state university is a good school, I’d hate for them to go to college 1 hour from home and immediately get a job here, and not have a chance to live somewhere new and cool at that age, or any age.

Post # 3
5565 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think it generally means that they will, many college students return home after graduation, some stay in their college area and some move to another new place. 

I don’t think it is fair for parents to pressure their child into going to a local college for few they could prefer the new place, imo that is holding them back. 

I think people are probably more likely to stay in the location they went to college if they are moving to a large metropolitan city from say a more rural area or small town. College exposes you to new people, new ideas, and new experiences which can colour your idea of how you want your life to go. 

Post # 4
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

These days where the adult child lands after college likely has more to do with job opportunities–they could end up someplace other than where they grew up or went to college.

Post # 5
6606 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Anonymous1063 :  while it’s possible, staying near home is no guarantee either. I went to college an hour from home and now live 2000 miles away. My sister went to the same school and lives 5 miles away. My cousins all went locally. Now one is in Texas, one in Bangladesh, one in London and one still near home. Life happens! I wouldn’t let that influence you or anyone else … we all deserve the best life we can make for ourselves, no matter where we wind up.  Parents need to remember that, not hold their children back. 

Post # 6
14949 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it varies too much to say.  A lot of people are drawn back to their home town or elsewhere, or maybe don’t like their college town.  And some people might end up staying based on their network or meeting a SO in the area.

I like where I grew up, went to college here and stayed.  My husband went to college 4 hours drive (in state) from where he lived, but took a job where I am (4 hr flight away) and he stayed here – though his plan was to go back eventually.  (And his mom did say when he left for this job, he was gonna meet someone and stay and she ended up right).

My cousin went to college 6 hour drive from his hometown, but he stayed because of the network he built during college.  He’s a dentist so where he went to school is where his network base started.  Plus he met his Girlfriend here so that another big factor.  But another dentist friend of mine ended up neither where he grew up or where he went to college.   It really just depends. 

Post # 7
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I’m from the Chicago area, went to college in Kentucky. Here I am 5 years later, back in the Chicago area.

Unless you come out of college with a job lined up, or an idea of where you want to live, I think it’s pretty natural to move back home or move back to your hometown, at least for a while. 

Post # 8
6810 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

So my original plan was to never move back home. I grew up in a suburb of Chicago and went off to college in New Orleans. My plan was never to stay in NOLA, but I knew I’d never be living back in Chicago. Well…where am I now? A suburb of Chicago just 10 minutes away from my parents house 😉

Post # 9
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Anonymous1063 :  Most people in my family either moved back to their home state or live in a bordering state; the two exceptions are the ones who had shitty childhoods, and didn’t want to move back home, so they followed their careers and moved cross-country.

The only people I’ve heard moving across the country after college are the ones that want to move. If your friends or friends’ parents are worried, it has nothing to do with college and everything to do with the individual. These are the same people who would move for a job or a partner or just for fun, it’s not necessarily because of college.

I will add that most of my family is from the MidAtlantic or NorthEast, so many of us ended up here. My boyfriend and I both went to school in border states but ended up back here, and the midpoint between our two hometowns. We are looking at houses and want to raise our kids here, finances allowing. DC suburbs are a genuinely nice area with great schools, so they’re a good choice for families. I can’t say how it would have played out if we were from somewhere else.

Post # 10
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Being from hickville, Fl all I dreamed about was going and not coming back.  So I think it depends on the student and also WHERE he/she attends.  For most, college is where you really learn independence and if you are in or near an area with great job opportunities, you’re more likely to stay.   I’d think large metropolitan cities continuously draw transplants who originated as students from the nearby college/universities.

That’s exactly what happened in my case.

Post # 11
6810 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

sablescorpion22 :  This is true. If I had grown up in a really small town, I seriously doubt I would’ve ever moved back. But since I’m from right outside Chicago, it was different. When I did move back (about a year after I graduated college), I didn’t move back into my parents’ house. I got my own apartment IN Chicago. 

Post # 12
3844 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Anonymous1063 :  I went far away for college, D.H. did not.  We met in college and now both live far from our parents, where we went to grad school.  My sister went away for college and now lives close to home.  Friends are varied.  I do think that going away to college often provides more independence and confidence that kids can handle being on their own, which may lead to them being more comfortable living far from home, but I wouldn’t say it’s a direct correlation.  I also come from a far suburbs type area and really wanted the big city experience.  I knew pretty soon after starting college that I would never want to move back to my home town.  

ETA: We’re both really close to our families so we didn’t move to escape them, just where the jobs were and we love our city. 

Post # 13
461 posts
Helper bee

It depends on how willing you’re to move for post-college employment.  I’m 4,500 miles away from my first college and 550 miles away from the second one.  Now that 2 out of our 3 kids are grown, Mr H and I are completely up for an international move if a potential employer is willing to throw a shitload of cash at us.

Post # 14
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Anonymous1063 :  I think it’s a total crapshoot that depends on the student’s field and familial relationships. My husband went to college in another country and moved back to the general area where he was raised eventually (with a stop on the west coast along the way) because he missed being near family. I have friends who went away for college and stayed there. I know other people that ended up in completely different locations post-school because they were following a career, a relationship, etc. 

Post # 15
2811 posts
Sugar bee

beethree :  These days where the adult child lands after college likely has more to do with job opportunities

Agreed. If the university/college is in a city with lots of job opportunities and the student comes from a smaller town, then it’s more likely they’ll wind up staying. But if they come from a bigger city and go to school in a college town they’ll probably move back home or somewhere else entirely.

I’m from a bigger city in Canada and almost no one I know stayed in their college town. The only two I know that did went to Stanford and stayed in California. 

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