Going Crazy waiting for our anniversary!!

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Hostess
3738 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

allymaccc :  It doesn’t sound to me like he is planning to propose on your anniversary.  If he hasn’t planned anything for the two of you, why don’t you plan something special?  It’s his anniversary too, and it sounds like you already have an idea of something you’d like to do. 

I wouldn’t get my hopes up, but I would have a sit down conversation with him (not on your anniversary) asking if he’s still on the same page as you with the 2018 timeline.  Based on your OP, it doesn’t sound like he’ll be as secure as he wants to be by the end of the year, and I wouldn’t want you to become resentful. 

Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Without sitting down and opening discussing a timeline with him you are really taking a chance that you will get excited and disappointed, which has hurt many a relationship. I know you say that he is usually really romantic, and he might be planning a nice anniversary, but that doesn’t mean the anniversary will mean a proposal. Are you willing to extend your timeline to be with him? I know that I extended my timeline for my fiancé because I wouldn’t want him to feel pressured, or do something that wasn’t his own decision – but we are young and could afford to wait. 

Post # 4
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

allymaccc :  I would causion you to try super hard to stick to your gut that it won’t be happening. Usually I’m an optimist but the last relationship I was in was this post to a T. I was with a guy for 6 years that strung me a long for much longer than I should have let him. I never thought he would propose but hoped for it so much. Every trip we took, birthday, anniversary I would know in my heart it wouldn’t be happening. But people would talk and get me thinking…well maybe! So I would look for clues. I TOTALLY remember an anniversary where I thought the same thing…maybe his seemingly unpreparedness and nonplanning for our anniversary is him trying to throw me off of his actual plans!!! Nope. Disappointment. He really was unprepared and not planning squat. We ended up doing absolutely nothing for that anniversary and I ended things not too many months after that.

The point of posting this is not to upset you. And I hope so so so much for you that your anniversary ends up being the proposal of your dreams!! But I want to talk you down. So that if it isn’t what you’re hoping you won’t have gone into it with such high expectations and so if a proposal doesn’t happen but a nice night still happens, that you can be happy with that nice night and not just completely upset.

I would say talk to him and ask him about it so that you don’t have to be worried, but at the same time if he IS planning something it would be so awful to ruin his surprise. But maybe what you could do is come up with plans for your guys anniversary yourself. Come up with something fun to do and if he goes right along with it because he wasn’t actually planning anything…great…because then you know what you’ll be doing and you can enjoy the night you know is coming. But if he doesn’t want to go with your plan…maybe he is making plans of his own?

Good luck bee…I hope you get everything you’re hoping for. Will be thinking happy thoughts for you!!

Post # 6
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like he’s planning on proposing on your anniversary. Men are (typically) such simple creatures, and as much as we want them to think like we do, a lot of times they don’t (at least in my experience, don’t mean to make a completely blanket statement here). If he’s not planning anything, don’t expect anything to happen. I was in your shoes- always wondering when it would be and building up all holidays and occasions- but it came down to FH and I having to sit down and really discuss finances and expectations to get the job done! 

As hard as it is (basically impossible), I would try to put it out of your mind. You know you’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen, regardless of how much you brace yourself, but try not to ruin your anniversary! 

PS- I truly hope he does. I don’t want to be overly negative, I’ve just been there. 

 

ETA: I totally agree with what 300 said- that’s a great idea! 

Post # 8
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Queens, NY

My fifth anniversary with my boyfriend is this week, as well, and I have several friends convinced he’ll ask. I know it’s coming because I overheard him talking to my dad about it by accident, but I have no proof that he’s even bought a ring, although I do think he’s at least looked since he told me a month ago that he found my list of ring styles I made on Amazon and made a comment that it was good to know about. He may have purchased one, as well, since his credit card statement was unusually high this month by about the amount I assumed he’d budget for the kind of ring I want.

But it’s honestly so much speculation at this point that I’ve had to talk myself down from it so I can try to be more patient. I totally feel you, though, on being worried about disappointment. I asked him almost two weeks ago what we were gonna do and he hadn’t even thought about it, so I was like “well, there’s this play I want to see” and then he decided to find us a restaurant to go to after and now we have plans for Saturday, three days after our actual anniversary. I’m doing my best just to enjoy the week and our celebration together.

Post # 10
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Queens, NY

allymaccc :  I’ve spent an insane amount of time speculating too. Several times in the last couple of weeks he’s even been like “can I tell you a secret?” (He likes to write with fountain pens…) or “I have a question” (forgot what he said both times, although I think once was about the litter box) and every damn time I nearly jump out of my skin.

Must stay calm. Both of us, apparently. All I know about dinner is it’s at a French restaurant he found in mid-town, which he knows is my favorite for very special nights. So we’ll see.

The horrible part of me just wants the attention. But I’m honestly also so excited about being married to him and spending a lifetime with him. I’ll always hate garbage like going grocery shopping and doing laundry, but it’s so much better when we do it together. He’s the reasonable one who keeps my crazy in-check just enough to ground me, but my crazy has, according to every single person who has known him for long enough, loosened him up significantly. The balance we provide each other is remarkable.

Post # 12
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Queens, NY

allymaccc :  100% yes. We’ll definitely have to keep each other updated. My madness actually got so out of hand that I spent a full day doing nothing BUT cleaning while he was on a business trip and totally wore myself out. Oops.

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