Post # 1
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
Hello Ladies!
I just joined the wedding bee! My future FI (i hope) and i have been together for 4 yrs and 4 months and have been living together the last year. It was love at first sight and we knew we would get married early on in the relationship since we are inseparable and our relationship is great but i felt quite young at 22 to get engaged etc.
The problem is now i cant wait to get engaged already! We went ring shopping 8 months ago but we decided we would get a custom made in the end. He proposed already but without a ring and he tells me all the time he is excitted to get married to me etc! He calls me his fiance etc.. However dont feel like it is official without a ring and we have not actually announced that we are getting married except to some very close friends. That being said the ring is ready and he told me where he hid it in the house. At the beginning i tried to be patient and not to open the box with the ring but after he didnt propose the weekend he got it i just wanted to peek at it just to check how it looked! It was exactly the way i imagined and of course afterwards i tried it on and took photos etc!! The thing is 3 weeks have passed and he still hasnt given it to me!
At first i thought i should be patient and didnt say a word to him about the ring for these last three weeks because i thought he might be planning something special. But after 3 weeks went by on Saturday i was feeling quite emotional about why its taking him so long to propose officially to me with the ring.
At this point i should mention his older brother has a girlfriend for 9 yrs but they are not engaged and his brother says and dont know when they will get married whereas we will get married in 2016 but they have been arranging that their parents meet and my future FI wants me to go with him to those dinners for which i went the first two times, the third time i had a good excuse not to go and he was trying to pursuade me to go with him the 4th time but i think there is not point for me and my future FI to attend these parent meetings since they are not even engaged or are talking about marriage yet and i have heard about several couples whose parents have met but afterwards the couple broke up. Also our parents havent met. He wanted me to go with him and he started saying that i am his fiance and he cannot go by himself etc.. And then i snapped and told him i am not your fiance i do not even have a ring, nothing is official yet…
Then i understood he is not in such a hurry to propose again with the ring because he said he thinks we are already engaged and that the ring is just materialistic that he will give me the ring and that he didnt realise that i cared that much about the ring. He said he thought that because i didnt mention the ring for a long time lately that i had relaxed due to the fact that he bought the ring. I started crying and told him that all this time i was trying not to talk about it and trying not to think about it because i wanted to be patient.. Afterwards he told me if it upsets me so much he will give to me now but he wants to be a bit more relaxed with work because he has a lot on his mind right now and asked me if anything will change if he gives it to me in a week or two.. he said he doesnt need more than a day to plan something nice..
Also he said he will propose within the next month but i dont know anymore..
What advice can you wedding bees give me?? Why is it taking so long for him to propose to me with the ring?? Any advise on how to wait patiently? How long do you think will take him to propose with the ring??
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Post # 2
Member
9434 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Your answer to why he’s waiting is a lot better than many ladies- he already proposed and thought you were engaged. You were right to tell him that you don’t think it’s real until there’s a ring on your finger (talk is cheap, I agree). But now he knows so you need to go back to distracting yourself and waiting patiently. Or else you will get a knee jerk proposal which will greatly disappoint you. “You want the ring so bad? Fine, here it is”. You don’t want that. You are almost there- relax!
Post # 3
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
MrsBuesleBee: Oh no i would be really disappointed with a knee jerk proposal 🙁 I will try to be patient even though its torture waiting… Thank you though for your positiveness!
Post # 4
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
So I have a very similar situation. Dating four and a half years, have lived together for some time, “pre- engaged”, however I am about five years older. We also decided to go custom. I am not even sure if he got the ring. I just said said this is what I want and that was that. (am actually convinced they will make it wrong, it won’t fit, and i will hate it; the person i talked with was a real snob)
You are young, he has a ring. Unless you are in a hurry to be engaged. Relax. We designed our ring over five months ago. Trust me I have gone crazy multiple times and have given up on the whole idea. I think men get it in their head if they wait a long time after we won’t expect it. It is either that or they know it drives us crazy. … as crazy as hair ties and Bobby pins every where drive them. Lol
By what you have said it sounds like he just wants to surprise you with a new proposal, ring in hand.
As for the waiting just keep reminding yourself he had the ring you are pretty much engaged (you have told others), and you are going to have him the rest of your life- even a year is short in the big picture. Enjoy who you both are now with your engagement nerves the if when and how gee well purpose again. Possibly look on WB at engagement rings just for the fun if it. .. try to relax and keep your mind off of it.
Pre- congratulations!
I’m sure it is coming soon 🙂
Sorry this was so long
Post # 5
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
I get that a proper proposal is important for many people, but you seem to be losing sight of the fact that this man is already planning on marrying you and in his mind has committed the rest of his life to you. Why do you need to rush a proposal from him when you know it’s already happened and will happen again? just calm down. let him do it on his own time.
Post # 6
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
Agree with the other commenters. It is SO HARD to wait for the ring once you know it’s there, but he’s probably just trying to plan a wonderful proposal. Don’t get me wrong I looove engagement rings, but the committment is the absolute best part of being engaged.
Stay strong, girl! There’s lots of great ring porn on here to keep you occupied 🙂 Also pre-congrats!
Post # 7
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
Brunette26: He may honestly think your proposed and doesn’t feel the need to rush the ring proposal. Could he feel because you haven’t told me people that you’re ashamed and not happy and he’s less proud of the ring he bought?
My husband proposed without a ring as well, he had it but it was in my jewelry drawer. It didn’t make the proposal any less real. We told people the next day we were engaged.
Post # 8
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
pinetree23: Sounds like we are in a very similar situation! I worried too very much about if the ring would be as i pictured because of the custom made but it ended up even better than what i expected!! I am sure your ring will be beautiful and exactly as pictured! 🙂 You are lucky that you dont know exactly if he has it yet or not in the sense that for me this is really driving me crazy because everytime we go out i cant help but think and hope he might propose and every weekend that goes by that he doesnt propose i get more and more disappointed.. Yes i guess its either that or they just like to torture us! lol! I hope you are right and will have the proposal soon.. I guess i just have to wait and see.. Thank you so much for your kind advice and for understanding and i am sure that your future FI will surprise you very soon and i cant wait to hear all about it! I guess we just need to hang on there!
Post # 9
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
MrsPierce2014: I guess you are right.. He is the best man i could even wish for, i love him so much and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him! The thing is that i feel that without the official proposal with the ring it is not official and i really want it to be official.. I am excitted and happy our future plans but i feel like since we are keeping it a secret and very private (3-4 people only know about it and he hasnt told his parents yet) i am kind of losing part of the excitement. I am keeping secret boards on pinterest etc when i want to shout it out loud if you get what i mean..
Post # 10
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
CAtoDCtoNashville: Yes i agree the commitment is the most important! Thank you for your support!
pinkcorsage: Umm to be honest i dont believe he thinks i am not happy with the ring because we designed it together and before i saw it i asked him how it turned out and he said it is beautiful ( i was not supposed to see it though). Also, even though we havent discussed about announcing it or not to people. When he proposed without the ring we did not start announcing it which also doesnt make it feel real.. It upsets me that we are not officially announcing it i think we will announce it after he gives me the ring but till then i feel its not real..
I have however decided i will try not to think about it at least for a while! You have all helped me so much with your advice and positive comments! I had got to the point i didnt feel in the mood to go out and see my friends and i just wanted to stay inside and wait for him to give me the ring! Tragic i know!! But yesterday i went out with a friend of mine and had so much fun so i decided i will enjoy our relationship and enjoy still being his girlfriend and my free time without all the marriage planning and formalities involved while waiting patiently for him to officially propose with the ring! I will keep you all posted!! 🙂
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