- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
Ok Bees, Bear with me this is LONG!!! And I just need to VENT
I have my wedding ideas all sorted out. And i dont usually put my family drama on display but im lost in this one! Other people have thrown a major wrench into my planning and my thoughts and I need a lil OUTSIDE advice on this. Just a background, as most know this is Not my 1st wedding. I was briefly married right out of high school for 2 years, then married later for over 10. Im now going to get married one FINAL time so I wanted to do this our way.My parents seperated before I was born, or well actually my mom lived with my father and grandparents, and my father moved out- he eventually went on to marry my mothers best childhood friend. Yes its a soap opera as you can imagine. For the better part of my first 18 years, my mom Only raised me. I rarely saw my dad save for maybe 30 times my whole childhood, this is after he had dragged my mom into a court battle. I did not see my father for much of my adult life until 2001, he didnt even know his own grandkids before that.
Back to the wedding issues, my 1st wedding my favorite uncle walked me down the aisle & my mom paid for the ENTIRE small wedding. My 2nd wedding, I had my mother walk me down as she was the one there for me.For this wedding my Fiance and I had wanted my children to walk me down( we plan to do a ring ceremony with the children making it a “family” marriage). My children are 17 & 15, my son was initally going to walk me down, and have both children announce that “they” gave me over….So we had a meeting with our cake designer who also is the local “david tutera” wedding planner,he has his own tv show and wedding magazine!. He suggested we change our approach due to seveal reasons. He said 1st off my dress is too stunning for me to be walking with ANYONE, secondly im a Adult and i can walk alone. His idea was have my children walk Ahead of me, then my son stop mid way up the aisle and turn, my daughter stop 3/4 up the aisle and turn….my enter alone, meet my son- then we meet my daughter an all 3 go up together.
This idea REALLLY sparked interst in my FI- he loved it. And i agreed it would be perfect.
Well, last week my mothers boyfriend offered to walk me down, and I told him our plans, he said he understood and agreed the children would be a good idea, however he made a remark on the fact that my father hasnt been there my whole life and that it would hurt my mother…the last statement is VERY true, she would be crushed…
A comment was made from several people involved in the wedding how my father had shown no interest in the wedding up to that point. My father Never attended any other wedding and this would be the 1st time in over 30+ years my mother and step mother will be in the same room!
My father has been stepping up the last few years in being a grandparent, my children are his oldest grandchildren and my sisters and I are super close- so we are around each other sometimes once a month now. However, I still dont have a relationship with my father- AT all. We even had a nasty falling out in 2008, but because of the children I put it to past. I know hes told my Fiance that he wants to try and be there more for me and the kids, but he falls short a LOT ( especially considering he sees my sisters, brother and other grandchildren almost DAILY when hes in town)
Then today, the other shoe dropped! My father told me today that he wanted to walk me down the aisle… we had discussed the wedding with him before and hes never expressed interest in being part of it. I am not sure if it may be due to the fact we finalized bridesmaids dresses this week and my sisters are super excited to be in the wedding…but now im stuck.
When I told him (via text, hes on the road) that we planned to have the kids.. the response I got was :” well I think you should do it the old fashioned way and have me walk you down”.. the last text I got was ” Dont break an old mans heart “
Im stuck in this pickle, and its starting to stress me out- theres plus and minus’ on both ends, so many inside people telling me different things, meanwhile I have Docs orders (really high blood pressure) i need to be UNSTRESSED as possible, but I dont want to upset ANYONE….