(Closed) Going for a third baby with a large gap

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Nearly 50 or nearly 60 when baby graduates is so normal its hardly worth a mention.

 

The only con to me seems to be money. If you can afford it go for it. I love the idea of a big gap personally but Im getting too old myself. 

Post # 3
Member
7959 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My children have a large gap. I am due with my third baby in February and when I deliver my girls will be 13 and 5. I will be 2 weeks shy of my 40th birthday when I deliver, so I will be 58 when this littlest one graduates high school. I am a Stay-At-Home Mom, so our finanacial considerations are not the same as yours- although another mouth to feed, college to save for etc. is still intimidating. We did think long and hard about whether we wanted to start this again, but ultimately, we felt one more would be right for our family. Since my big girls have an 8 year gap, I’m not too worried as I’ve experienced this before. Will my kids have a different and atypical sibling dynamic? Of course. But that’s not a bad thing. 

Post # 4
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Honestly, my mom was 41 when she had me and my dad in his 50’s. Its selfish and not fair to the child, being older when they graduate high school and when they’re actually in the world living their lives being a real person, you will be to old and probably pass away before their first baby is born. Don’t think about how much you would love to buy cute baby clothes, think about what their life would be like.

Post # 5
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I would like to quote a verse from bible [ Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward ]. Dont worry about anything. Just go for it.

 

Post # 6
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
sunflowersandlove :  unless my maths skills are way off, OP is early 30s. If the kid graduates at 18, then she’s anticipating having the baby at 32. I hardly think it’s selfish to have a baby at 32. Sure her husband is older but married men live longer anyway. 

Post # 7
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t have kids, but I did see one of my best friends mums have a second kid with a decent age gap.  She found it really hard to ‘revert’ back to having a baby, sleepless nights, diapers etc and her parenting has been… lax with the second kid.

As PP have demonstrated, this is definitely not always the case, but I think I’d need to have a better reason then wanting to buy baby clothes, and having a toddler around me.  Afterall, this one would grow up too.

I wouldn’t risk the stability of my current family situation for another baby.  I think you should first look at your finances for the next few years and figure out what you’ll need to cut out or change in order to support the little one.  Make a hypothetical budget and see if it is viable.

If you figure you guys can do it financially, and both of you are 100% on board, then go for it!  I definitely wouldn’t put you in the realm of an old mum though. 

Post # 8
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m 26 and my middle brother is 25. My youngest brother is 15 years old, with both of my parents turning or having turned 50 this year. My parents are hardly old – very active and look amazing for their ages. I say if you really want a baby, go for it! It was hard for them to revert back to having to change diapers and wake up at first but I doubt my parents think they made a mistake. My dad truly enjoyed it (my mom says he would have had like 8 kids if he could have lol). For my brother and me, it was honestly one of the best gifts in the world. Although we have a huge age gap, we’re both very close to him.. he’s been stuck by my side since he was born, almost like my own kid.😁

Post # 9
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
sunflowersandlove :  your scenario is possible, however parents can pass away at any age. My mother had me when she was 27, and just after of my 16th birthday she passed away at 43. No one could have predicted that, and really, it can happen to anyone no matter what age they conceive. 

A more positive story: my DH’s father had him when was missing 50s, and we just celebrated his 85th bday with him this summer. He is still mobile, has his own place, travels for the winter with his gf every year… Basically acts as if he is in his 60s rather than 80s. I am due with our first baby in April, but it isn’t his first grandchild either. 

Just some perspective that age when kids are born isn’t everything…

Post # 10
Member
9465 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i had my first baby at 34, and I hope to be able to have more.  there are plenty of older moms these days.  many women wait to establish their careers before starting families.

Post # 11
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I don’t have any practical experience, but I just wanted to say I think having another baby is a wonderful idea! Based on your pros and cons provided, the pros seem stronger 🙂

Post # 12
Member
9773 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

As long as things are covered financially I think you’d be fine. Start putting away extra money now for when you’re on maternity leave.

View original reply
sunflowersandlove :  I’m sorry it sound like you had a bad experience, but not everyone who has a baby later in life is going to die before their kids grow up. My mom had my brother at 39 (65 now) and she is at the YMCA every day for 3+ hours playing pickleball, volunteers, is on her hands and knees crawling around with my toddler, etc.

Post # 13
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

View original reply
anonforthisbee :  I had hyperemesis with my first and despite that being the worst thing that EVER happened to me it’s not stopping me ttc #2. I’m taking magnesium and B vitamins and I have some techniques that help a bit but honestly, it was worth it, and I’m sure you’ll agree too, so don’t let it put you off. It’s just another sacrifice we might have to make for our kids.

Post # 14
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m the baby of my family, and there’s quite the gap between me and my older siblings. (My sister is 12 years older and my brother is 8 years older.) My experience has been great, honestly. Yes my parents are older, but I wouldn’t trade our relationship for the world, and my sister is my best friend. 

As it turns out, my dad didn’t want to have another baby for financial reasons, but my mom was bound and determined, and so here I am! 🙂 She tells me all the time how glad she is to have me, so I may be a little biased, but if it’s what you want and you feel like the pros outweigh the cons then I say go for it. 

Post # 15
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
sunflowersandlove :  Maybe a bit controversial but what does your mum have to do with you having a baby inthe future. So long as she did her part and raised you to be an adult at 18 etc. What doe sit matter if she is dead when you have your first baby. The baby is not hers anyway, is it??

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