Post # 1
I would just like to discuss the topic of big gaps with the third baby.
My new husband and I are thinking of adding to our family. I have an 8 and 9 year old (sole custody) and he has been in the kids lives for the past 6 years. Lately, I have found myself at a complete loss and to weather or not we should go for a third (together). My husband says he would like one of his own but is concerned from a financial perspective as I am now back at (part time) work and contributing to the household income and obviously we have our “life” back (which to be honest, I do not really care about, we travelled with the littlies and we went out to dinner with them too, these seem to be the things that parents miss with little ones!). I have been thinking about how beautiful little babies are (and how much I enjoyed raising them!), how much I am going to miss the toddler years in a few years time when my kiddies are “big kids” and I am just not sure I’m ready to say goodbye to being a mummy to little people.
Has anyone got any experience or stories to share with me? I have compiled a list of the pros and cons (!!)
– get to have a little one in the house
– the kids would LOVE it
– I would get to have a little version of my hubby
– I get to see that precious look on my hubbys face when he sees his child being born!
– I get to have a little mate to take with me everywhere (I miss that)
– In a couple of years time when my older kids are too cool for me, I will still have a little one that thinks I am awesome!
– Oh, I get to go back to the baby section at the store!
– I do pregancy disgustingly badly (in and out of hospital last time with hyperemesis)
– I am back at work and making good money , babies are expensive (or at least the time off work is)
– SLEEPLESS NIGHTS……..
– The thought of being nearly 50 when my baby graduates high school : (
– The thought of my husband being nearly 60 at that time too : ( : (
I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts
Post # 2
Nearly 50 or nearly 60 when baby graduates is so normal its hardly worth a mention.
The only con to me seems to be money. If you can afford it go for it. I love the idea of a big gap personally but Im getting too old myself.
Post # 3
My children have a large gap. I am due with my third baby in February and when I deliver my girls will be 13 and 5. I will be 2 weeks shy of my 40th birthday when I deliver, so I will be 58 when this littlest one graduates high school. I am a Stay-At-Home Mom, so our finanacial considerations are not the same as yours- although another mouth to feed, college to save for etc. is still intimidating. We did think long and hard about whether we wanted to start this again, but ultimately, we felt one more would be right for our family. Since my big girls have an 8 year gap, I’m not too worried as I’ve experienced this before. Will my kids have a different and atypical sibling dynamic? Of course. But that’s not a bad thing.
Post # 4
Honestly, my mom was 41 when she had me and my dad in his 50’s. Its selfish and not fair to the child, being older when they graduate high school and when they’re actually in the world living their lives being a real person, you will be to old and probably pass away before their first baby is born. Don’t think about how much you would love to buy cute baby clothes, think about what their life would be like.
Post # 5
I would like to quote a verse from bible [ Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward ]. Dont worry about anything. Just go for it.
Post # 6
unless my maths skills are way off, OP is early 30s. If the kid graduates at 18, then she’s anticipating having the baby at 32. I hardly think it’s selfish to have a baby at 32. Sure her husband is older but married men live longer anyway.
Post # 7
I don’t have kids, but I did see one of my best friends mums have a second kid with a decent age gap. She found it really hard to ‘revert’ back to having a baby, sleepless nights, diapers etc and her parenting has been… lax with the second kid.
As PP have demonstrated, this is definitely not always the case, but I think I’d need to have a better reason then wanting to buy baby clothes, and having a toddler around me. Afterall, this one would grow up too.
I wouldn’t risk the stability of my current family situation for another baby. I think you should first look at your finances for the next few years and figure out what you’ll need to cut out or change in order to support the little one. Make a hypothetical budget and see if it is viable.
If you figure you guys can do it financially, and both of you are 100% on board, then go for it! I definitely wouldn’t put you in the realm of an old mum though.
Post # 8
I’m 26 and my middle brother is 25. My youngest brother is 15 years old, with both of my parents turning or having turned 50 this year. My parents are hardly old – very active and look amazing for their ages. I say if you really want a baby, go for it! It was hard for them to revert back to having to change diapers and wake up at first but I doubt my parents think they made a mistake. My dad truly enjoyed it (my mom says he would have had like 8 kids if he could have lol). For my brother and me, it was honestly one of the best gifts in the world. Although we have a huge age gap, we’re both very close to him.. he’s been stuck by my side since he was born, almost like my own kid.😁
Post # 9
your scenario is possible, however parents can pass away at any age. My mother had me when she was 27, and just after of my 16th birthday she passed away at 43. No one could have predicted that, and really, it can happen to anyone no matter what age they conceive.
A more positive story: my DH’s father had him when was missing 50s, and we just celebrated his 85th bday with him this summer. He is still mobile, has his own place, travels for the winter with his gf every year… Basically acts as if he is in his 60s rather than 80s. I am due with our first baby in April, but it isn’t his first grandchild either.
Just some perspective that age when kids are born isn’t everything…
Post # 10
i had my first baby at 34, and I hope to be able to have more. there are plenty of older moms these days. many women wait to establish their careers before starting families.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I don’t have any practical experience, but I just wanted to say I think having another baby is a wonderful idea! Based on your pros and cons provided, the pros seem stronger 🙂
Post # 12
As long as things are covered financially I think you’d be fine. Start putting away extra money now for when you’re on maternity leave.
I’m sorry it sound like you had a bad experience, but not everyone who has a baby later in life is going to die before their kids grow up. My mom had my brother at 39 (65 now) and she is at the YMCA every day for 3+ hours playing pickleball, volunteers, is on her hands and knees crawling around with my toddler, etc.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
I had hyperemesis with my first and despite that being the worst thing that EVER happened to me it’s not stopping me ttc #2. I’m taking magnesium and B vitamins and I have some techniques that help a bit but honestly, it was worth it, and I’m sure you’ll agree too, so don’t let it put you off. It’s just another sacrifice we might have to make for our kids.
Post # 14
I’m the baby of my family, and there’s quite the gap between me and my older siblings. (My sister is 12 years older and my brother is 8 years older.) My experience has been great, honestly. Yes my parents are older, but I wouldn’t trade our relationship for the world, and my sister is my best friend.
As it turns out, my dad didn’t want to have another baby for financial reasons, but my mom was bound and determined, and so here I am! 🙂 She tells me all the time how glad she is to have me, so I may be a little biased, but if it’s what you want and you feel like the pros outweigh the cons then I say go for it.
Post # 15
Maybe a bit controversial but what does your mum have to do with you having a baby inthe future. So long as she did her part and raised you to be an adult at 18 etc. What doe sit matter if she is dead when you have your first baby. The baby is not hers anyway, is it??