(Closed) Going from a big wedding, to small ceramony at Niagara Falls

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you have not sent out invitations or save the dates yet, you are in the clear.

You should be sure to host something after the ceremony – lunch, cake and punch, pizza, as long as whoever attends the ceremony is properly received and thanked.

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had sent out save the dates and we canceled it all and eloped. People were very understanding. I told people how miserable I was planning a huge wedding and most people responded “I wish we had eloped”. 

I would just tell parents and grandparents how you are honestly feeling and tell them the new plan. They can spread the word.

Post # 5
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

Once you invite other people, it’s no longer just about you. If you want to skip any form of reception, then you should just elope.

If you want guests, you should do something to thank them for coming out and being supportive of you. The expectation in our culture is a reception of some type. You can do this on a budget. You could have a cake and punch reception to keep it really affordable.

You should be strong enough to let your families know that the image they had in mind simply isn’t in your budget, and with all of the other things going on in your lives, it’s not in your interest. If you want them there, then I suggest making a guest list and sticking to it. It is their fault if they invited people before the wedding was even planned. If anyone says something to you, just let them know that your budget and other responsibilities with your husband put you in a position of limiting it to close family. If you don’t feel strong enough, start drinking some extra milk to help build that backbone. 🙂

But, I do think that you owe your guests a reception of some sort. It would be better to let them know you are limiting the guest list than to invite them to something where you aren’t even willing to give them a slice of cake and a glass of punch after they made a sacrifice to come share the day with you.

If even this stresses you two out, then just elope. And don’t be afraid to let your family know that their pressure was just too much. My mom now shuts up at a simple uttering of the word “Mom…” in a certain tone. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

Your reply sounds like you do plan on offering them a reception of sorts. Receptions aren’t only defined as large dinners. With the ceremony at 1, you should be clear of any expectation of lunch. If I was going to that direction, I’d probably plan a little closer to 2 just to wipe away any chance of a guest expecting that.

Don’t say anything about gifts. People will give you a gift if they want to do it. Don’t worry about it beyond making sure you have a way to get any that are brought to the wedding home with you.

With what you have planned, you should still do invitations. It will formally set a guest list so you know how many to buy snacks for afterwards. The problem with word of mouth is that you won’t know who plans to make the drive, and your mother can still end up inviting everyone she knows with their entire families.

Post # 8
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jesrphoto:  That sounds more than acceptable for the time of day for your wedding.  Cheese and crackers and light beverages is perfect for a 1-3 PM event.

As for the gifts, only mention that you don’t need anything if someone asks.  Gift information should not go on any type of event invitation, with the exception of wedding showers.  People may still want to give you something, so don’t be surprised if you receive a few items.

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