Post # 1
I’d love to hear some stories from women who’ve gone from breaking up with someone they were in a serious long term relationship with, to finding and marrying the love of their life!
My boyfriend and I were supposed to get engaged by the end of the summer. We chose the ring and everything, but the relationship started making me miserable (he suddenly became ambivalent when everything was going perfectly) to the point where aspects of it that I was fine with “settling for” (his low sex drive, lack of interest in outdoor activities, sleep apnea, overly clingy friends) became deal breakers for me and I broke up with him first thing this morning.
I feel relieved and excited to be single again but for those of you who passed this phase and went on to marry someone else…
How long did it take? Were you crushed about the breakup or looking forward to what the future holds? Did you pick up any coping activities or hobbies that helped you get over the relationship?
Post # 2
Like any breakup, it takes time. Everyone has their differnet times. It could be next week you go out and date again, especially if you really weren’t left hurt from the relationship…or it could be several monts/years before you find your next serious relationship.
For me, I was in a relationship, talking about marriage and he wanted to get engaged within that month or two and i ended it bc i couldnt see myself living my entire life with that person. I was shaking and scared and hoping i made the right decision. Well, a few years later, i am now dating the man I KNOW im marrying. The love i feel for him is on another level.
Good luck with this journey bee, it can be a sad/heartbreaking one, but also an exciting one if you think about it as it being one step closer to your future wants being met. 🙂
Post # 3
I was engaged and living with someone. They broke it off. We got back together. It combusted. The thing that helped me get over it was dating again. It was kind of fun to go on a bunch of terrible dates and surf profiles online. I found my husband maybe 2 months later – really wasn’t expecting that. I went to the gym a bunch, got outside, and did a lot of running and yoga. I wouldn’t say I did very much (it was summer break and I was working as a teacher).
Post # 4
mixybee : Good for you for leaving a shitty relationship and not letting it drag on!
I dated someone for a few years, he was pretty much my first real boyfriend and early on we’d discussed marriage and kids. I don’t remember at what point things changed, but it’s like we just suddently became different people who were no longer compatible.
We tried to make it work, moved to a new state where we pretty much knew no one (for his job) and thought of it as a fresh start. The fresh start didn’t change anything and after a couple of months we decided to break up.
We lived together for another 5 months while I was waiting on my job transfer, I finally got it and three months after moving I started dating my husband. We got married on our two year anniversary.
My ex ended up meeting his now wife shortly after I moved, and they married a month before we did.
My heart wasn’t broken, I was so relieved to just be out of that relationship and finally back near my friends and family.
I’m kind of curious, what was your boyfriends reaction this morning? Did he see it coming or did he think everything was fine?
Post # 5
throughthelookingglass87 : I’m already on Tinder because mama needs to get LAID. We stopped having sex 4 months ago!!!!!!!!!! It was killing me and took everything in my power not to cheat on him!
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2019 - Philadelphia, PA
Hi! For me it took quite a long time. But my co-worker found love right away! I think it all just depends. With me I was married and we had a daughter. I stayed way longer than I should have and then when I finally had the guts to leave the relationship, I wasn’t really ready to bring anyone around my daughter. Then I dated two guys who didn’t work out after that which wasted like 3 years. When I finally found him, I had no idea he would be the one haha. I met him through mutual friends on a night out and wasn’t really attracted to him. I tried to set him up with my cousin and then friend. Finally I got to know his personality and I was hooked. It’s so weird when I look back because I could have totally bypassed him altogether. As for what to do in between, I had my daughter and I’m not going to lie it was a lonely life. But I feel I really matured during that time and I am so so proud of myself that I did not settle. So be proud of yourself! The right one will come at the right time.
Post # 7
Had a 4 year relationship, then he cheated on me. I was pretty depressed for at least a year but then started to enjoy the dating life. Eventually 2-3 years later met my husband through mutual university friends, but we didn’t really start talking/dating until about another year or so after that when we met again at a house party through the same mutual friends. Long distance dated for about a year or so, then he moved to my city, we dated for about another year then moved in together. Things can take time but that’s ok, focus on rediscovering who you are and a better suited person will come into your life.
Post # 8
futuremrs2020 : Thank you! I love your story. It’s so great when you get to realize these things BEFORE you’re legally bound to your spouse.
He was shocked and needed time to compose himself and also said that he will never forgive himself for fucking the relationship up. He’s not ready to reveal the news to his family and friends because it doesn’t yet feel real.
He should’ve seen it coming because I was incredibly restless last night after we spent the entire evening and night talking through our problems and getting nowhere in terms of him putting on his big boy pants and making it a higher priority.
I asked him to list the priorities in his life because it didn’t feel like I was one anymore and he told me, verbatim: Work is number 1 by a landslide, then far below that is family, friends and you.”
It was a big fuck you to all I ever gave to him and our relationship and I was completely done at that point. Knowing how fucked up his mentality about our relationship was makes moving on so easy. I don’t have to wonder or ask the what if’s.
Post # 9
mixybee : Wow, I’m surprised that he was shocked after that conversation!
Good luck on Tinder
Post # 10
I got divorced and met my fiance about 2.5 years later.
In between, I spent most of my time getting healthy, emotionally, mentally, physically, through therapy and exercise, dated to get to know different personality types to make sure that I didn’t repeat the same mistakes over and over, and found who I was again by exploring new hobbies and travel. I also had a lot of sex and terrible dates…really it was a great time in my life. I felt so alive.
At the end of my marriage, I was so miserable, that I would rather be alone than feel that way again. So I vowed to take the time and find the right person to fit my needs and have some fun while I was at it.
Now I am in a great place and my fiance is a really great person. He is kind, caring and compassionate and our personalities mesh really well. I really never knew what a true partnership was like until I met him. He makes my life easier.
Post # 11
Btw, I met my fiance on Tinder!
Post # 12
I fell in love with my best friend after 4 years of friendship. I had a history of abuse and cheating, so I was extremely closed off.. But with him I felt I could trust him, I could finally be vulnerable again, and because of our previous history, I opened up more than I ever had before. FF 2 years of trying to get a place together (lived 2 hours distance) to find out he really had no intentions of moving in with me. FF a year after dealing with that and him promising me he would work towards it, to finding out he’d been cheating. It took him a week after we got together to hook up with someone else. The sweet awkward extremely introverted man that had been a part of my life for almost 8 years by this point, betrayed me. We had a really dirty break up since so much of our life had been intertwined for so long.
A month after that I lost my job, 10 years with a company thrown away because of a transfer and a boss who busted ass until she found a way to fire me. (it was me having a mental breakdown over some intense family stuff and dropping an F bomb while explaining my situation to her. in the back room. where no one could hear.
Anyways, chapters later,
My favorite band was on tour. I had moved back home with my mom and started helping out with her business, but it was only enough to pay bills and necessities. An angel of a friend asked me if him and his girlfriend paid for my flight and ticket to the show, if I would want to go. There were quite a few emotions, and I kept making sure he wanted to do that, but I took them up on their offer. That led to me randomly being added into a facebook group for the meetup before the show. I realized I was finally going to meet a good friend of mine I had met through the fan base, because I was going to this show. So a literal comment of ‘COME TO MAMA’ was liked by this random dude.. Usually I don’t add people I don’t know, but when tour season is in the air, it’s hard not to want to make new friends. So I checked out his profile. I felt this weird need to add him, so I did. He messaged me, we started talking as friends, and never stopped. I got to meet him at the show not more than a few weeks later, during the count down of days we realized our feelings were deeper than friendship. That weekend we fell in love with eachother, almost 2 years later he moved down to Georgia to be with me, and in less than a month (I have a timeline because we are custom designing our ring from China) we will be engaged!!
sorry for the super long post, I have a problem keeping things short, and this thread is perfect for me haha!
Post # 13
By The Way I met my SO on bumble. hehe
Post # 14
I was in a five year relationship that was going no where. I moved to a new state for him, and we had bought a house together but he had wandering eyes and I was in a constant state of distress the entire relationship. I think I must have gotten used to that feeling and confused it with love idk…
Anyway, when I finally got the guts to end it and move out I got my own place and a dog and had no intentions of dating or meeting someone new, but two or three months after the breakup one of my colleagues that I used to work with at a previous company took me on a hike and we hit it off. He proposed one year from our dating anniversary and we are getting married in June.
I’ve never felt so secure and loved in a relationship. I feel.so.lucky as all my prior relationships were pretty horrible. I did work on myself though and made some changes. For one I made a list of my priorities and didn’t go out with anyone who didn’t meet or align with my values. I stopped dating anyone who was unavailable (I never dated anyone in a relationship with someone else) but had a habit of choosing ladies men. I went on date with a guy who seemed awesome but told me he was relocating to pursue an MBA for example and I told him that that was admirable and I wished him well but I wasnt getting involved in another long distance (no disrespect to those who do).
Anyways, life goes on. I am so grateful that I left when I did so that I could have freed up the space to find my forever person.
Post # 15
So I don’t want to get into too many details, but I was in a long term, abusive relationship with someone who kept dangling the idea of getting engaged and married in front of me. Things would be fine for about three months until he would blow up about something. I dreaded going home from work and I literally slept almost the entire weekend away for many many months because it was extremely stressful for me to have to constantly monitor his moods and I just couldn’t cope. I began seeing a therapist, but it still took me almost a year to finally end things. I am so grateful that we never got engaged or married. My life with him was terrible and it would have been a miserable marriage.
And then out of nowhere, less than a month after I broke things off with my ex, I met someone through mutual friends. Someone who was absolutely amazing, and everything was so easy and right. He is truly a good person and I can’t wait to marry him. We ordered the ring a few weeks ago and I am excited to spend the rest of my life with him!