(Closed) Going from dating to engaged: More stress then happiness.

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Does your FMIL hate your pets?
    Yes : (3 votes)
    8 %
    No : (33 votes)
    89 %
    I'll explain in the comments : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Is your Fiance living with his parents? If he is, then it is his moms’ right to not want dogs in her house. If he lives in his own then I think his mom is being super controlling and he needs to tell her that it’s nne of her business whether or not your dogs come over to his house. But this doesn’t really sound like an issue about being engaged – just about him letting his mom stick her nose where it doesn’t belong, he is allowing her to have more control over what goes on in his house than his soon to be wife, and that is a problem. He needs to realize that you two are going to be a family making your own choices – wouldn’t it be weird if his grandparents tried to give rules about what is allowed all the time at his parents’ house? (again, assuming he doesn’t live with her)

    As far as the poll question goes…I have the opposite problem! Mother-In-Law loves our dog so much she stops by our house to pick him up and take him for walks or to get groomed or whatever. Because who doesn’t love their Mother-In-Law in their house, with no warning, when they’re not even home? Yeah, it’s lovely.

    Post # 4
    2411 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It seems to me you’re doing all the compromising in this situation because your Fiance is unable to go against his family’s wishes. Your mother is completely right in my opinion, he is putting his family before you. 

    I can see where he is coming from about not living together. While I don’t agree with it I’d let that slide. However, unless his family lives with him they should have no say as to whether you can bring your dogs over there. That’s just ridiculous. It’s also putting a burden on your parents to care for the dogs, which is completely unfair to them. 

    I think you need to have a serious talk with you Fiance about this whole situation. 

    Post # 5
    122 posts
    Blushing bee

    i have to agree with the pp, regardless of wether ure staying the night or not, ure dogs go where u go and its not any of his mothers business, tell him that looking after the dogs is putting a strain on ure mother and although ure happy not to liv3e with him, either the dogs come stay when u do or u dont stay. harsh but effective

    Post # 6
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    No my Future Mother-In-Law is actually not with us anymore, but I think she would have loved our four legged family memebers.

    Post # 7
    4150 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think your Fiance needs to stand up to his mom a bit.  I understand that she doesn’t want you living together, and you two have agreed to appease her in that, but setting rules for your FI’s house/apartment that negatively impact you and your mother?  That’s so not okay.  You two are adults and if your Fiance is okay with the dogs coming over (which I can’t imagine him not being since they are like your kids – I completely understand that as I have my own four-legged child), then she is way overstepping trying to set her own rules regarding the dogs or FI’s house in general.  It’s not her place to set rules over.  Sounds like she needs to let go a little and Fiance is going to have to have a part in her seeing that.   

    Post # 9
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’m sorry but if it were me, I’d stop staying over there until I could bring my dogs with me.  I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry you are having to deal with this!  I would be beyond aggravated.

    Post # 10
    9482 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @AJA1128: I think it’s odd that his mother is telling you to not bring your pets over in a house she’s not living in.  This is something you and your Fiance need to sit down and discuss.  I don’t think it’s fair to you that there are no compromises whatsoever.  What’s going to happen when you two are finally married?  You two are to live your own life and make your own decisions. You are certainly old enough.  FI needs to have a talk with mommy dearest as well.

    I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this.  I can’t imagine having to deal with a situation like this.  I probably would’ve exploded by now.  Good luck.

    Post # 11
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    Wow. It’s time for your Fiance to stand up to his parents. He is an adult and doesn’t need mom and dad setting the rules.

    Post # 12
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Yeah, I ‘ve got to say, this dynamic wouldn’t work for me at all. Seems like he chooses his family over you, and that won’t change with marriage. I doubt his mother will change her ways even when he buys the house. Then you get married, living in HIS house with HIS rules….ugh

    Post # 13
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    He needs to stand up to his parents. I can’t even imagine my parents telling us what rules to make in my own house. If your dogs will live there when you’re married, they should be allowed to visit now.

    She sounds like a gem!

    Post # 14
    2691 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I think that your Fiance needs to realize that the dogs are not going anywhere and that his brother can deal with them for a few days at a time. Especially if you are hiring someone to clean up after them. It seems a little ridiculous that he is letting everyone make such a big deal out of this when they are the ones that have a problem with you two living together, not you.

    Post # 15
    340 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    But what about your wishes? It doesn’t seem like any of your wishes are being considered? He needs to stand up to his mom – otherwise, he will always pick his mom and her demands/requests over yours.

    Post # 16
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’m totally confused as to where his mom has any say in any of this.  You’re both grown adults, and you should be able to sleep over and bring a menagerie with you if you wish.  Fiance needs to stand up to his mom for sure.

    The topic ‘Going from dating to engaged: More stress then happiness.’ is closed to new replies.

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