Post # 1
Old Bee (KatiePi) with a new username since I just rejoined. My son is now 3, and I’m beginning to wonder if a second child is something we’ll want in the future. Darling Husband and I have been both very unsure (and still are) about another child. I think a lot of it has to do with where we were when our son was born (just moved to a new state, lived with family at first, Darling Husband back in school at the time). It made the beginning stages very hard since we like to have our space.
When did you feel ready for a second? Did anyone wait until their first was in Kindergarten? (That’s when I’m thinking we’ll know one way or the other.) How’d that work out for your family?
Post # 2
I think it’s normal to question it. Having a kid is like a giant slap in the face of reality…haha. I know I always always thought I’d have two kids. It’s what my family looked like growing up and what what I knew. Then I had a kid. He’s almost a year and we’ve been seriously questioning if we want to have another. We love him dearly but I just think about how much easier life is to manage with just one especially with our lifestyle. My husband travels a lot for work, often to tropical places, and he’s gone weeks or months at a time. I try to fly in and visit as much as possible, and just took the baby on his first international trip (solo) to see Darling Husband. The whole trip all I could think is how much harder it would be to do it solo with a toddler and baby. I always felt bad for only kids growing up, but now that I have several friends with awesome (older) only kids I see that it’s not bad.
I have plenty of friends with big age gaps for their kids. One friend didn’t have her second until her first was EIGHT – but she also got married and had him in college. Another friend in her mid 30’s waited until her first was five. I think both expressed it had it’s challenges but also it’s benefits. Their older kids were less needy, able to help, etc. The downside is they all talk about how they are basically starting over – back to a life of strollers, diaper bags, etc.
Honestly I think it just depends on your lifestyle. Assuming you guys are on your own now you’ll just have to remember that you arne’t having a kid under the same circumstances. I definitely feel a little pressure to decide because I’m in my mid 30’s and don’t want to be 40 trying to have another baby.
Post # 3
kapi1231 : mine is a year and a half and we aren’t exactly ready, but we just went for it. If all goes well he will have a sibling in October. We wanted more than one, but I’m already an ‘old’ mom so waiting isn’t really an option. Also I’d like them to be near in age and hopefully like each other. There are no immediate cousins and the distant ones all live far away. He needs a buddy! So while we are exhausted at times and have no idea how I’ll juggle getting two to daycare, other people do it and we are diving in!
Post # 4
starfish0116 : I think, like you, we could easily see ourself completely content with our son forever. It would allow us to do a lot more traveling and activities, something which I really want for our kid. My Darling Husband just finished college a week and a half ago (whoo!), so I’ve just been wondering if the feeling that maybe one is best for us would start to shift since we’re heading into a new chapter.
I love hearing others perspectives. This is a weird thing to explain-I’m not at all worried about it because I don’t have that feeling like I did before our son that it was time, but I’m just curious.
skunktastic : Best of luck to you guys! I hope everything goes smoothly and quickly!
Post # 5
No one can answer this for you. It sounds like a lot of your reservations are about not being established in life. I assume if your husband just graduated college that you are both young still? If so, you have plenty of time to think about this and make the right decision for your family.
Post # 6
princessandthepear : No, not too young. We’re both 30. My husband went back to school after running a business for awhile. We made changes so he could go full time online while staying home with our son (hence the move, family for awhile, etc.). I’m not worried or in any rush. Just more curious as to others own experiences.
Post # 7
Our first two are 2.5 years apart, and I’m due with our third in July- the 2nd and 3rd will be 1.5 years apart. Honestly, the transition from 1 to 2 was a doozie. It’s a totally different ballgame- but really, really fun. I think the addition of a third for us (something we had always wanted), was a little hurried, but welcome- we’re also older parents and kind of felt the pressure of our age weighing on us. I personally probably wouldn’t have another if I had one in kindergarten- mostly because I’d be over the baby phase and ready for new things (I mean, they are SO independent by then…it’s magical). That said, our son is currently 3 and is totally in the throws of being a “threenager” so if we hadn’t accidentally gotten pregnant with our third- I don’t know that we’d even be doing that right now. So…my non answer is probably that I don’t think you’re ever really ready, but sometimes, you just have to commit and hope it pans out in the long run. Overall, we’re thrilled (and a little sleepless), and at the end of the day the more the merrier (for us). Good luck!
Post # 8
Just had my second, and my first turns four in a month. We decided to wait until the first one was potty trained before we had the second. I think it’s a good gap, my older one is showing signs of being a great sibling, without being too jealous or needy herself.
Post # 9
We weren’t “ready” (but really who ever is truly ready?!) until #1 was getting close to 3 and was more kid and less baby herself. She was potty trained and growing more independent. I wanted a 3 1/2 year gap but it will be more like 3 3/4 year gap, which is pretty close to what I envisioned. But, honestly, for her first two years of life we weren’t sure if we wanted more because those years were hard. In the end we both come from two sibling households so it was just what we grew up with and wanted a sibling for our D-D and to round out our family. I’m due with #2 in three months and hope that the gap will work in our favor, with an almost 4 year old being able to help more and be able to take care of herself while mommy is busy with baby more as well.
Post # 10
cclarkrun1 : The threes are rough! Some really incredible moments, but some really big, intense feelings and behaviors with all these changes. Congrats on your pregnancy! I grew up with two sisters, and I have to admit the chaos was fun a lot of the times.
techmom : I can see that. Three is a rough age, but he is excellent with other kids, so I know he’d do well with a smaller baby. He’s potty trained, too, (except at night) which I love.
MrsFairyBee : Congrats on Baby #2! I don’t think you remember, but we used to be on the same TTC boards 4 (4!) years or so ago now. I think I’m trying to figure out how I feel about siblings. At times, I think with being social and having friends, he’d be great. At others, I wonder about how much you get from having a sibling regardless of the age difference.
Post # 11
kapi1231 : I definitely remember your name! Four years is crazy but it also just seems like yesterday. I came back here last summer while charting and TTC again, and to join a new due date group on fb, but I stop in every now and then to see what’s going on on the bee when I have time at work or am wondering about how some bees I know’s TTC journeys are going. Good luck with your decision, it sounds like you still have some time to think about it in the next year or so. 🙂
Post # 12
My second son was born when my older son was 3 years, 3 months. It worked out great. Yes it is hectic but the second one follows the older one and when they are closer in age they become playmates. It is also easier to do family activities when they are nearer in age. When you go to the movies, they like the same movies. If you go to an amusement park, they go on the same rides. I think larger age gaps make it harder to do things because as they grow they have different interests. If you want a second, I personally wouldn’t wait.
Post # 13
I’ve just had my second (5 weeks) and my son was 2 in January.
being pregnant with a toddler was hard. I’m not finding the baby + toddler thing too hard, but it is hard. I’ll be glad when they are both out of it. I’m 100% sure I’m done though and won’t be having any more