Going home without my NICU baby- support needed

posted 7 months ago in Babies
Post # 16
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Las Vegas, NV

My niece had to stay in the NICU for a week my sister was able to visit her twice a day and slept with a blanket that smelled like my niece until she was able to take her home. 

I hope you can take your beautiful baby boy home soon. 

Prayers for you both. 🙏🏻

Post # 17
588 posts
Busy bee

Sending you big hugs.  Just wondering if your baby is having breast milk that you are pumping, or formula?  Have you asked about a different formula to stop him spitting up so much?  A lot of babies are cow’s milk protein intolerent and it’s possible he may need a hypoallergenic formula, or you could cut dairy form your diet if pumping.  Good luck with everything.  You are a strong mumma!

Post # 18
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

hafh2016 :  oh bee, I’m so sorry that you are all in this situation. I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling having to leave your beautiful little one at the hospital without you.

I will say this though, that the people who choose to work in nicu are very special people. A few of my friends from university work as nurses in nicu and they are honestly amazing people and I know they take every step along with you and feel every milestone step forward and every setback. They care as much as you do about your little one. Rest assured that even when you are not able to be there with your little one, someone special is always with them, who cares as much as you do.

Post # 19
2 posts

 My daughter was born at 35 weeks unexpectedly and had to stay in the NICU for 10 days. The day I was discharged was the hardest and those days in the NICU felt like forever. She had to stay because she wasn’t feeding, as well. My breast milk wasn’t coming in, which was frustrating, and she wouldn’t take the amount of formula that the doctors wanted her to. The NICU is the best place for these littles to be. I constantly obsessed about feeding and was Googling everything under the sun about it (I don’t recommend — just give it time; the doctors and nurses know what they’re doing). Your little boy will pick up feeding in time and it will just click. We saw it in an instant and she just kept taking and taking the milk. This will be a trying time (our dog even picked up on our stress and got sick herself), but it will be over soon and you will be taking home your little boy. Our little girl is now 2 and eats like a champ!

Remember to take care of yourself. Originally I wanted to stay in the NICU 24/7, but the nurses encouraged us to go home and get sleep. We would call in the middle of the night to get updates/reports on how she was feeding and doing. We would also make sure to come back in time for rounds with the doctors and always ask them questions and advice. 

Post # 21
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

hafh2016 :  ((HUGS)) I had two NICU babies. One spent over 6 weeks and another about 2.5 weeks. It just sucks, but go visit as much as you can and know that this time will pass and your adorable son will be home very soon.

I remember leaving the hospital with all my balloons and flowers. An elderly man said “oh, you just had a baby”. I said yes. Then he looks at me puzzled “Where is your baby?” UGHHHH…. it sucks.

You will get through this and given his gestation he should be out relatively quickly (I know it doesnt feel like it)

Post # 22
672 posts
Busy bee

Sending hugs and thoughts your way. There’s no other way to say it, having a baby in the NICU sucks and leaving them is traumatizing. DS was full-term but delivery complications put him in our NICU for just under a week. Everyday gets easier, so just try to take it one day at a time. In retrospect, yes getting rest was very much so needed but honestly, it’s really hard to think about since in your mind, a nap is just more time that your baby is not with mom or dad. If your NICU isn’t on lock down (mine only allowed mom and dad to visit) due to cold and virus, maybe you can make arrangements for your mom to be a designated visitor and could be with Finn while you take a nap. I found enough relief in knowing that DS was with Darling Husband and not alone to get a nap in. Also, the experience can be isolating so if there’s a lounge, try to make friends and if there’s a Facebook group, join it. I also slept with blankets and a plush toy to get my scent and left them there for him for comfort – your smell can have the most soothing effect. DS did what the nurses called “love coma,” so if I held him he’d just fall asleep and never take full feeds. If Finn isn’t eating great, maybe try having someone else feed him. At the end of they day you just have to remember they’ll take good care of him when you’re not there. Ask lots of questions and stay in the loop, if they have rounds, you might be able to join your section ones. Also, FWIW, it looks like you’re doing great! When I slept in on my first night home, I had an absolute melt down. You got this! 

Post # 23
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

My son was born at 36 and was in the NICU for about 2 weeks. Leaving him was very very difficult. I did my best to spend most of my days and nights at the NICU. I had an emergency c-section so my mom was driving me to and from most days. It was hard because I felt like I never got to experience the normal “delivery” apart from having a c-section, I also never had him in my recovery room, didn’t get to hold him until he was a couple days old, etc. 

My best advice is to find someone to talk to. Possibly even a therapist if you have access to one. It’s already hard being postpartum but even harder when you have to deal with delivery trama/NICU time. Each day will get easier. Try to stay positive for your baby. NICU nurses are amazing, and I knew everytime I did leave that he was getting the best care possible. That was comforting. 

Post # 24
1124 posts
Bumble bee

hafh2016 :  I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. He I absolutely gorgeous, congratulations on your beautiful baby.

What I went through was nowhere near as bad, I had a big baby born full term in July (9lb12oz!!) but we spent a week in hospital together due to her having an infection which got very serious. There was a day where she had to go to NICU for 24 hours while they stabilised her blood sugars and I couldn’t go down to see her as I was in isolation due to a suspected hospital bug and I would have been a danger to all of the babies in NICU. That 24 hours was the worst of my life. I swear I felt physical pain at being separated from her and knowing I couldn’t just go and see her. I too had no idea I could feel that way about another person. I cried continuously for about 8 hours then fell asleep, and on the positive side had a lovely long sleep which I think I needed after 18hour labour and emergency section 😮 

I don’t know if me sharing this is particularly helpful but I just wanted you to know that how you’re feeling is completely normal. Sending hugs and positive vibes to you bee!

Post # 25
323 posts
Helper bee

Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

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