(Closed) Going in for surgery

posted 7 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow, you just have all kinds of crazy coming out of everywhere these days!! o_O

I would sit her down, make her pay attention (“Mom, I need to tell you something really important”) and say “Mom, I know you want to be there for me, but Fiance will be there. I know you can’t really take the time off, and that’s ok. He will take me home, which is a lot easier since we live together. I will call you as soon as I get home and settled. Do you understand?”  And make her answer you.

My mom was like this at first, but finally I was like “Mom, I know you have taken care of everyone your whole life. But I need to make sure that hubs (bf at the time) can take care of me on his own. Don’t you want to make sure he can take care of me so that when your gone, you don’t have to worry?”

You could even use that on her as well!! It really helped my mom to back off, and realize that not only am I an adult, but now a married one. I still talk to her about all my medical problems (she’s a nurse) but she only intervenes if I ask her to

Post # 5
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

A little bit ago, Fiance and I were talking about what to do if I need surgery for a recent diagnosis. I said I would just ask my mom to be there (out of habit, and she is a nurse..and she, uh, is my mom), and he got REALLY OFFENDED. He gave me some speech out of nowhere about how if we are going to be married, then things like surgeries should be something we take care of together. It kind of came out of nowhere.

This is a difficult place to be in…on one hand, it’s like…that’s my mom, she’s always been there, but on the other hand it’s like…that’s my Fiance, we are going to be each other’s family soon. When Fiance and I had this conversation, it was the first time I realized that once we are married I cant’ rely on her for that stuff, since he wants to be that person for me. It was a bad conversation and I dont know why, but I got really emotional!

Maybe once he drives you home he can call her and say you are ok, and then she can visit later? As long as she feels included, and that he isnt’ going to keep her out of the loop, she might be oK?

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Corilee13: Yeah, you definitely have enough crazy for the rest of us, that’s for sure!! I would deal with it til the wedding, then tell everyone to leave you the hell alone! My mom is the same way, but you just have to stand firm and remind her that you are an adult now and can do things on your own. It took a while for my mom to see the light, but now she just lets me do my thing and only interjects when I ask her to. She was phenomenal with my wedding, when I was sure there would be fights for control. Also helped that we paid for it, but I still had a really great experience when it came to my mom!

Post # 7
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Dammm girl! When it rains it pours huh?? Seems the case for me too lately! I hope your mom calms the F down.

Just know that you & Fiance have a plan and stick to that! You’ve already told her X amount of times; if she’s refusing to hear what your saying, thats her loss and her own denial. Start setting your boundaries with your mom now because honestly its only going to get more challenging from here on out!

Best of Luck in your Surgery! I’ll be wishing/praying for a speedy recovery for you!

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