Post # 1
I’m having a bridesmaid problem… I have been engaged for almost a year and there is another year until our wedding. When we first got engaged I thought I knew that I would have my FH’s sister as a bridesmaid and the two girls I immediately called after being engaged. In addition, I was finding it hard to choose between 3 of my girlfriends who I have been close with for the last ten years. I put off asking people because everything I read told me to wait until closer to the date – made sense. However, now I am finding myself analysing all my friendships and subconsciously evaluating each one of them. The two girls who I first thought were definite choices seem to have become more distant since one of their friends and I had a falling out. I can’t tell whether this is all in my head though, as I am constantly thinking about bridesmaid choices. I am also concerned that these two are newer friends (I have moved interstate for uni and they have been my support network whilst being in my new home for the past 2 years) whilst my friends from home have known me longer. I do feel like my two friends from uni know me in my life now, and they also know my fiancée a lot better than my other friends.. however, my other friends have been in my life longer. I know I am going to hurt people either way by who I choose, my housemate and a few friends from high school included. I’m just not sure how to get myself in the right state of mind to choose because I have become so paranoid about my relationships with these girls!! I’m not a good decision maker and I think the more time I have, the more I get confused. I feel like some of the girls I consider best friends perhaps don’t see me that way….and I am also constantly thinking about what the girls who don’t get chosen are going to think … has anyone else been in this situation??
Post # 2
I am having a very similar situation. I would pick the ones who will be there for you through the planning and on the big day. You could just pick them all as well having 5 bridesmaids isnt a bad thing. I have yet to decide for mine but I hope you come to a conclusion
Post # 3
Very good point!! It would be 6 with my sister in law, and I’m just concerned that the bigger it is, the more others will get offended that they weren’t included in a large party (if that makes sense). But I am certainly considering having a larger than planned party at this point!! I hope your situation becomes clearer too! Thanks for your response!! X
Post # 4
You could do what I did and choose no bridesmaids. 🙂
Post # 5
That reminds me I totally forgot my sister in law! Thank you for saying that haha. Every time I turn around there is someone else I will defiantly be a big bridal party
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre
All of our bridal party are our siblings, we didn’t want to include friends just in case over the years we drifted apart. We wanted our wedding pictures to show our family values
Post # 7
I had a similar tough decision when choosing bridesmaids, and I ultimately made the decision to go with the people I called immediately after getting engaged—that seemed like the best indicator of how close we were.
So that meant I didn’t ask two of my oldest friends who hadn’t been in touch as much lately. I had moved away six years before, and it just wasn’t clear whether we were such good friends anymore.
After the wedding, my friendship with one of these two got a lot closer, to the point where I actually told her that I felt I should have asked her to be a bridesmaid; but she was totally fine with it (she always hated photos anyway) and we’re as close as we’ve ever been. Meanwhile my relationship with the other got even more distant; I actually haven’t seen her since the wedding despite reaching out several times when I was back in town to visit my parents. I don’t know if she was offended by not being asked or if I correctly diagnosed that we were already moving apart before the wedding.
As for the four girls who I did ask to be my bridemaids: one of them (grad school friend) was unable to travel to the wedding anyway because of her special-needs child; one of them (college friend) subsequently asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding; my sister (MOH) is still my sister; and one of them (the most recent friend) turned out not to be a friend at all a couple of months after the wedding.
All this is mostly just to say that I sympathize with your dilemma. My main takeaway is that someone you see all the time but have only been friends with for a couple of years may not be such a good friend after all. It’s easy to confuse convenience with closeness, and someone who’s just fun to hang out with may not actually care that much about putting effort into the friendship.
Post # 8
I agree with bookish bee. I would hesitate to put newer friends in your wedding, just because you don’t know if they will turn out to really be supportive friends in the long run. Of course you can never really know that about anyone, but especially not about newer friends.
Post # 9
If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have any BMs (FH wants to have a traditional wedding inc. bridal party). Keep in mind that the more BMs you have, the more expensive it will be and the more organisation there will be. I met my Maid/Matron of Honor about three years ago, and I have friends who will be at the wedding who I met when I was 11, the time that you know someone doesn’t make the relationship stronger. This is also my second wedding, and I have a completely different bridal party, with my past BMs attending as guests.
Post # 10
Save the stress and have none – like me.
However, my decision, unlike yours was due to LACK of choice. I moved to a new country when I finished highschool and the few friends I made at uni have all moved away to other countries and we kinda just drifted.
I get sad about it sometimes as most brides in their mid 20s have their ‘girls’ from highschool up there with them but the last time I even saw my ‘girls’ was 8+ years ago. 🙁
I made 1 good friend but in the last couple years she had a child and has literally been MIA from my life despite me always trying. She was actually my first choice for Maid/Matron of Honor but has literally stood me up on more than one occasion so the friendship was one-sided it seems.
I work so much and spend most of my free time with Fiance or our families and I am now 25 with very few female friends.
Have always been a ‘1 best friend type’. Then I met my Fiance and before we started dating HE was my bestie.
I try not to harp on it.
Post # 11
Thank you all for your insight!! I guess it’s hard to see into the future and predict where your friendships will be… Sometimes I wish I could!! I would love to have at least a couple of bridesmaids to get ready and have fun with before the ceremony so I’ll keep working at it. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there with the dilemma!! Thinking about it in a different way, some of my oldest friends are always there for me but also not as into ‘girly’ wedding stuff as my newer friends would be… tough decision, I just feel so much pressure to make the right one!! xx
nellytfernando : BookishBee : kitkat07 : mkh89 : tillymac :
Post # 12
I totally get where you’re coming from, so you’re not alone 🙂
I moved from the UK to Singapore with my Fiance 2 years ago and as much as my group of girlfriends said they’d stay in touch, most of them didn’t! I still have my one ‘best friend’ from home (although I would say we’ve drifted a bit too but I guess that’s just what distance does) who I’ve asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor and a friend I’ve met since living here that will be my bridesmaid – just the 2 of them!
I think movies and TV portray these big weddings where the bride and groom have a ton of friends in their wedding party and it’s not always like that! At the end of the day if you’re marrying the man of your dreams why do you need other people up there with you 🙂 I’m sure your wedding will be absolutely beautiful!
Post # 13
I did the same thing.
My fiance and I had a Christmas party to go to the day we got engaged. After we left the party with a bunch of his friends we were like “how are we going to pick a bridal party?” and were already stressed out about it. We didn’t want to hurt people we didn’t pick, pick certain people dependant on other people, wonder if we’ll be friends with some of these people in 40-50 years, etc.
So that night we got engaged we actually decided to not do a bridal party of friends. My sister is my maid of honor and my cousin is my bridesmaid. And my fiance’s two brothers are his best men. Done and done.
We plan on honoring some of our closest friends by allowing them to be part of certain aspects of our ceremony. And we’re going to have our photographer do special group photos with our friends from high school, college, etc. and also have our DJ dedicate songs to them. But when it comes to standing up with us when we get married, we feel our siblings are our strongest most forever friends. If you have to start ranking people and feeling like you’re favoring/unfavoring friends, I just say keep all your friends on a level playing field as guests witnessing the most important day of your life. 🙂