Post # 1
Just curious about how people feel about those who go off the registry. My mom seriously warned me that it would happen…and it has for sure! I have mixed feelings about it.
There are times when it is great and we get something really amazing and thoughtful or meaninful. It may not be something we need, but we can see the time and effort that was put into choosing the gift. I think instances like this are awesome and make for some of the best gifts!
….and then there are the off registry gifts that make me go nuts! I would say 90% of the gifts from my shower were off my registry. Ok no big deal until…. I received 3 sets of placemats, none of which were the set I registered for. Uh? (my registry info was sent out with the shower invite). Oh well I have lots of interesting placemats and will never run out! Then this was the kicker for me – I registered for and have already received my entire set of everday dishes/plates – one of my good friends bought me another entire set of everday plates! WHY would you buy someone a different set of plates when they just received an entire brand new set??? I just cleaned out my cabinets to fit my new ones in. We donated all of our old mismatched dishes. I am a terrible person if I donate these? I will never use them and they are brand new. (note she will never visit me where I live)
Please don’t take this the wrong way, I am very very grateful for anything and I really don’t expect gifts at all. Just curious if other people had the same experiences! 🙂
Post # 3
No, you are not a terrible person if you donate them! I dont understand why people get certain things that are off registry. We got so many random and weird things but at the same time we got some really thoughtful gifts. Other things were nice but either not practical for our lives or not our style.
Post # 4
I don’t think you are terrible at all for this. Can you exchange items and get something you did register for or do want? I have received multiple items that I registered for in which I’ll be exchanging for other items since I don’t need the additional ones.
Post # 5
The only time I’ve gone off-registry is if I know the bride well and it’s something personal or something I know she’s like… something handmade, or handmade from etsy, or a nice bottle of wine or champagne to go with say a picnic basket or set of flutes.
But to buy random placemats? Uh.. no. I hope they weren’t just regifting on you!
Post # 6
You are completely right to think like this. Could you gently tell your friend you already have a full set of dishes? If you aren’t comfortable with this, I would definitely donate them or give them to someone who needs/wants them. At least that way you would be helping someone else out.
Post # 7
ahh yes the exchange – nope not possible. No gift receipt and I actually have no idea where they are from. I live 1/2-way across the country from where my shower was so odds are it was a local store… (this goes for the plates and the placemats)
I don’t think the placemats were re-gifted, they were all very nice and in what they think is ‘my style’…I just seriously will never have to buy another placemat ever again. My mom and I laugh about it because she knows she might get new placemats for christmas 🙂
My mom also has a theory that it is the town I am from. For some reason the women there LOVE to give gifts off registry and then call my mother and tell her how much they spent on me. (oh yeah this happens)
Post # 8
I may be in the minority here but I think a gift should be about what the giver wants to give, not what the receiver wants to get. People go off registry because alot of the time the prices on the registy are not that great and you can get the exact same item somewhere else for a better price. I’m not having a registry at all because i’m not comfortable telling people what to buy me.
Post # 9
Although I see where you are coming from (not wanting to tell people what to buy for you) I really have to disagree with giving ‘what you want to give’ from a gift giving standpoint. I love giving gifts and I take a lot of pride in the gifts I give. To me a great gift is something that the person receiving it will love or that is meaningful in some way – not just something I want to give. Weddings are my only exception to my gift giving – I go with the registry as I know that is what they need.
As far as why people might go off a registry we have combined our registries at amazon.com which allows people to buy an item from any store for the best price (or they can purchase it through the original store which I have found many prefer to do anyway). I do agree this can be an issue though!
I really do understand not wanting to tell people what to buy for you, but I think it is practical so I personally don’t mind. Also – I don’t mind if people go off registry (I really do think those are some of the best gifts!), but if they are aware of your registry I think it is wierd when they just buy items that are more their own taste than your own or something you already got from someone else 🙂
Post # 11
@bells: I agree with you.
Yes, as gift givers, we want to give something we know the person will want.
But as the person on the receiving end of the gift, just appreciate the sentiment. A registry is a “wish list”, not a list of demands.
And as someone who never receives thank you notes anymore, I just want to say: remember to send out thank yous 🙂
Post # 12
@MissShork: “But as the person on the receiving end of the gift, just appreciate the sentiment. A registry is a “wish list”, not a list of demands. “
Post # 13
I also agree that a registry is a “wish list”, not a list of demands.”
But what does it say about a gift giver who knows you already received a specific item and decides to go out and buy you a different version of that item? (I know this person knew I already had my plates)
I also agree about thank you notes – they are an absolute must for me. I don’t understand why people don’t send those anymore.
Post # 14
@bells: I understand where you are coming from. But often, people gift what they themselves like with little consideration to whether the gift recipient likes this too or not. Or you end up with 5 toasters and there is only so much toast you can make.
That’s why I find a registry helpful. I would only go off registry if I knew the gift recipient well and knew exactly what they like or already have.
Post # 15
@blu77: thank you!
@Coloradolov: My response would be that some people are bad “gift givers”. Two years ago for christmas, my mom gave me a glittery orange dragon ornament that she found at value village.
If she knew you had plates, yes plates weren’t the useful gift. but maybe she thought “hey, she must really like getting plates!”. I guess, my point is not to sweat the small stuff. If you’re getting a gift, you get whatever the giver chooses to give.
Post # 16
A friend of mine received from a mutual friend a single appetizer plate that did not match the ones she had registered for. I can understand going off the registry trying to give something different or unique–we’ve done it before when we got our friends a Wii, which we knew they wanted but felt it was inappropriate to register for. But a single appetizer plate?I still don’t get it.
It’s the thought that counts and it’s nice of people to give a gift in the first place, but in some cases it’s not very practical. I think it makes some sense if you wanted to give something totally unrelated to items on the registry, but it doesn’t make as much sense to buy the same type of items a couple had registered for (plates, kitchen appliances, etc) in the design you prefer.