- 5 years ago
Hi Bees, newbee here so please be gentle with me.. 🙂 Hopefully you don’t mind an asian looking for some advise.
I am in 6th month of relationship. We are both away from our home country and have been close friends since day 1 on a nearby country for more than 3 years now. We have good job, stay 1 hour away, meet 2-3 times a week. Recently he decided to quit the job and back for good early next year to start up own business “while it’s still early/not too late”. I will be 32 and he 27. I’m saddened because we’ll be separated when our relationship is still very young. He did often mentioned, even before we are dating, that he wants to go back home. Income and quality of live may not be as good, but our families are there and chances to run business or do investment is much higher. Living cost is very high here that we need to sell our properties at home to buy one small apartment here. I do agree on those part, and we both also have aging parents and wish to spend more time with, but I’m not prepared to let go of the high quality of living in this country. Living separately from family allows me to have freedom and full control on life. However, my parents are concerned that the younger him will tend to relax before settling down while age are chasing me. They expect a faster progress and advise me to still looking for other chances, preferrably a man ready for settle down. But I see him putting effort to “start business early” as a path to settle down. Before dating, he still look like a free and energetic college student. It seems he become more serious, thinking about career and business.
We haven’t really discuss about how this event will be affecting our future. Heck, I don’t even know how is our progress to him. I want to ask him, but will he feel cornered about commitment or settling down? The more I read theories about men afraid of commitment, the more I’m confused because I don’t want to go on LDR without knowing whether there is “us” in his plan. He is an optimist who never say “cannot” nor give up before trying. I’m a pessimist who dig down the “what-if” possibilities to get well-prepared. He’s saying to go back to this country shall the business fail, but I don’t want to be just a backup plan. If he does have future plan, I’m thinking on giving a term of LDR for a year to save money here. I’m willing to return home, but will live separately from parents to maintain my independency.
It would be lovely to hear advise, critics, and sharing for you on what is the best I can try to survive the LDR despite of my age, Bees, especially how to bring this news to my parents. Sometimes I may be blinded with emotion and need some thought-provoking advises. Thank you so much.