(Closed) Going Rogue…when guests don’t buy off the registry

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I feel the same way about everything you said! Especially feeling like a spoiled brat complaining about it!

My shower was a little different in that since we are having a small wedding but i’ve got a large exteneded family that includes many female cousins. They all asked my sister when the shower was, so she invited them but left off the registry information because it’s rude to ‘request’ gifts from people who aren’t coming to the actual wedding.

All these ladies are already married, they know all about how the registry works! So I think what happend is instead of them asking my sister, they just went a bought random stuff. So now I have all these gift cards (because I returned the items) to random places that I don’t shop at in the first place! AHHHHH!

Atleast one of them was to a one-stop shop kind of place, so Fiance and I went and stocked up on household goods, so that was nice!

Post # 4
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

ugh I don’t get it either.

I mean it’s like they know what you really want and need and they just don’t care.

Post # 5
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

One of my shower guests asked me if they could get my gift from a fair trade store. I said yes, because I believe any gifts should be appreciated…

However, I can see how it would be annoying on a large scale to get random gifts when they could have easily spent the same amount on something from the registry.

 

@futuremrsbrunell: Can you exchange some of the gifts you got for something youd prefer?

Post # 6
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I agree with everything you said. It drove me nuts – we ended up with multiples of things and because some didn’t have gift receipts, we ended up returning some stuff to our registry because we couldn’t return the other store’s 😛 I just feel like when people get you stuff you didn’t ask for and don’t need -they wasted money on a gift you aren’t going to use and then you feel bad for not doing anything with it.

And yes, I feel like a spoiled brat for saying that.

Post # 7
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Spring Grove Park & St. George Banquet Center

I had mixed feelings about this for awhile, but then I realized that sometimes people don’t have access to BB&B, some people prefer to pick out their gift entirely on their own, some people come across a really good sale/deal and so deviate, and some people just want to be different. Also, some people are simply ignorant and may just not get registries or forget where you’re registered at. XD

I really liked some of the deviant gifts we recieved, and the others we didn’t want to keep went from BB&B to JCPenny to Macys to Kohls until we found where it came from. The majority of those were clearanced items worth only a few dollars, though. Those were from the cheapies group of people.

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is something I had a difficult time with as well.  On the one hand, registries are just guides and people don’t and shouldn’t have to follow them.  On the other, I found it really frustrating to receive gifts that were similar to things on our registry but weren’t what we asked for.  I also really disliked people asking what we would like and when the registry was mentioned said “no…really.  What would you like?”  

I loved most of my “rogue” gifts because they were just lovely thoughful things (a quilt, vases, etc), but I can see that many gifts like that could be frustrating…lamely, I just figured that people were judging what we had registred for (“why are those knives so expensive?”) and THAT I found hurtful.

If you’re going to go rogue, it should just be a lovely classic present or a real “just because” gift.  I think buying someone different towels, china, or appliances is a bad idea.

I really hated the entire registry process and won’t be doing it again.  lol

Post # 9
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Some family members from out of state got us a bunch of stuff from a yard sale….  My sister never even wrapped it because she figured it would be too awkward at the shower to open…

But I felt like it was mainly older people in my wedding who did this, and they tended to get us some version of a platter or a bowl… which we def dont need in our tiny apt!  Which is why we have become awesome on ebay, and are hosting a yard sale ourselves in a few weeks!

Post # 10
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I just had a surprise bridal shower this weekend. I actually liked the 5 off-registry gifts I got — even the ones that weren’t my style!

Post # 11
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I can see why someone might get something other than what’s on the registry for an engagment party.  If someone is invited to an engagement party, shower, and wedding buying 3 items from the registry seems like overkill.  However, if you do go off the registry I think it’s important to find things that either won’t be found on the registry or is something that couples can use multiples of, like gift cards for a couple massage or whatever. 

Post # 12
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had a few off-registry gifts – lingerie. I will never understand getting someone else lingerie. It was all the wrong sizes and things that I wouldn’t wear anyway. I feel incredibly awkward opening gifts, I almost cried through the whole thing. But now I have to return all this stuff, even if it’s just to get the right size. It’s the gift of an obligation.

 

Post # 13
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We’ve only had a few off-registry gifts, mostly from older guests (our parents’ age or older). All of our friends who got gifts stuck to the registry, so for us it’s looking partly like a generational thing. The things we have gotten seem to adhere to a different generation’s idea of what brides want: Mikasa frame, a Lenox vase, crystal bowls…that kind of thing. I’m not saying there aren’t brides out there who want those items, but the ones we received were certainly not our taste!

Post # 14
Member
6245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I agree that usually you should stick to the registry — but there are exceptions. For example, my mom was at an art gallery and saw pictures that were framed of my cousin’s favorite flower. My cousin had just bought a house and this set went nicely. Even though it wasn’t on the registry, my mom gave it to the bride anyways and it’s well-liked.

Post # 15
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I liked most of my off-registry gifts, but the ones I didn’t I REALLY disliked. It boggles my mind WHY a guest who barely knows the bride and groom (friend of parents) would take it upon themselves and pick out wall decor for the happy couple. Not just any wall decor, custom wall decor with their names and wedding date and ugly pressed flowers. So totally unreturnable or exchangeable. And this guest didn’t even bother to look on our registry because if they had they would have noticed it is TOTALLY not our style at all. Also, someone was nice enough to buy us a quilt, but I’m not kidding when I say it was the ugliest quilt I’ve ever seen. Also totally unreturnable or exchangeable. I mean there’s no WAY this person thought the quilt was nice looking, I’m sure it was a regift and def not meant for us originally.

The other things were okay, like fun martini pitcher with glasses, spice set and recipe book, etc.

Post # 16
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yeah we received things that weren’t on our registry.  Some we loved, some not so much.  We live in a condo and got something to put in the garden…Granted we’ll probably use it when we have a house, but right now it goes into storage.  We got ALOT of one of a kind decorative plates which I have NO IDEA what to do with.  I guess I have to throw alot of parties. 

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