(Closed) Going Rogue…when guests don’t buy off the registry

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 32
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Mrs.Mittens: hahaha, that’s a roll your eyes moment! The one thing about getting married is that it has made me a much better guest! I RSVP on time, give cash or purchase off the registry, don’t call and bug the bride with dumb questions the week of………..

Post # 33
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@hisgoosiegirl: Yes! I’m a much better guest now that I’m on the other side of it!

Post # 34
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In my experience, people don’t buy off the registry for the engagement party. They buy a small gift of congratulations which could be just about anything. Because they will buy you a registry present for the shower. And for the wedding here people usually give money.

Post # 35
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

You know what’s almost always a great gift, in my opinion – and if you’re going rogue? 🙂 Something edible. Either a basket of gourmet chocolates or wine. Of course you’d have to know if the couples eats sweets or drinks. But at least it’s something that can be consumed and won’t be in your house forever. And you can bring it to a party if you’re not going to enjoy it all to yourselves. 

Post # 37
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

On our wedding we got 3 or 4 gifts in total ($25-50 in price). Out of 20 guests…So we had to buy our registry off ourselves, and spent around $1500 on it, since we needed all that stuff anyways…So if a person buys at least anything I would be grateful, because some people just came, enjoyed their time at our wedding and left…

Post # 38
Member
10650 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

For me it depends on the intention, and just how random things get.

For a shower, one of the guests got me a ton of little things.  I’m not completely sure she knew about a particular registry, she got some things from one registry and some of the same items but different brands off the other.  The quality was the same, so it really didn’t bother me.  Some of my relatives also got me non-registry stuff because they thought it would be something I would actually like.  Neighbours who leant my parents their dinning room set chairs for the rehearsal gave us folding chairs.  I probably wouldn’t have appreciated this randomly, but with the reason behind it I thought it was a great gift!  There was also a brie baker (with a GC) that seemed super random, but it was a group gift and I found out the story later that the person who picked it out couldn’t find the agreed upon fondue pot.  Brie and fondue work well together!

Other things were a little random.  A vase, which considering the dust on the box may very well have been a regift, a clock with indoor/outdoor temp and automatically updates the time (but doesn’t do so in Canada!) were a little too random for me.

I have given gifts before not from the registry, but I always give a gift reciept and make sure it can be returned if I do this.  I would only go for something more personal (and not returnable) if I knew the bride or groom really well, or as an additional if it were an inside joke or something.

Post # 39
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I say go off the registry IF AND ONLY IF you are !10% positive they will LOVE the gift you are giving them. The only time I ever deviate is for sentimental gifts for my closest family and friends. And as for my own registry, I feel like I’ll be really happy if they go off the registry and I like it and really annoyed if they go off the registry and hate it. And yes, I will definitely  feel guilty, selfish and/or spoiled about all of this gift-giving awkwardness.

Post # 40
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I know what you mean… We got a number of gifts that weren’t on our registry. A few appliances that we didn’t need (so I tracked down where they came from and got store credit- not hard to do in the age of the interwebs); a few that were off the wall and we put them straight in the give away bag; and a number which were absolutely awesome! A number of ladies bought me all sorts of hostessing platters, trays, dish towels, etc that were awesome and I was so thankful because very little of that sort of stuff was available at the Bay where I registered (not too much choice for registries here in Canada). While I can identify with your pain, I was thankful that people were willing to spend their hard earned cash on me… whether I had ‘pre-ordered’ by registering or not. 

Post # 41
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hopefully you can take the stuff back, but I get how that is sooo annoying. I just went to a bridal shower where practically NO ONE bought off her registry (I did, of course!). She’s having a Destination Wedding, so her showers are really the main time for her registry items to be bought. I felt really bad for her 🙁 She did get some really nice lingerie and some other things that looked useful, but still.

I’m hoping people buy from our registries. We are buying a home and have always lived with our parents, so we have nothing! If people buy us random stuff instead of our towels (for example), that’s gonna stink! 🙁

Post # 42
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

my first thought when i read this is that they got you off-registry stuff because it was your engagement party and they plan to use your registry for the shower and/or wedding?  as a guest, i likely would have done the same. i have only been to one engagement party and i got them an engraved frame i think. i figured an engagement party was more to celebrate their love and the fact that they decided to get married, rather than help them set up their home just yet.  correct me if i am wrong.

Post # 43
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A tip for the brides who only want gifts off the registry, make sure the stuff is available in the store! I just bought a shower gift. It wasn’t what I wanted to buy but there was only one thing on the entire registry that was available in the store. Due to the education I received from wedding bee, I knew the bride would be incensed if her gift didn’t come from the registry. Might have helped if there was more than one option for those of us that prefer not to shop online.

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