- 5 years ago
I’m new! You will no doubt have heard this hundreds of times, but I’m waiting for my boyfriend to propose and it’s turning me into a crazy lady. A little background first…
We’re 22 and 23, we got together just before university and ended up going to the same one; we’ve just had our 6th anniversary. He is a Christian and is very much devoted to the idea of marriage, and he was excited about getting married before I was! Before meeting him I didn’t particularly have any interest in getting married (ever) and because of my parents’ relationship, I didn’t particularly regard it as a very nice thing at all! Gradually I realised that I wanted to marry him, and when I was sure I told him to hold off on proposing until I had finished university so that I could focus on my exams without distractions. That was this June. I didn’t expect anything to happen straight away, which it didn’t. Then I went away on holiday with my family for three weeks, thinking maybe something would be more likely to happen when I came back. While I was away, his brother and his girlfriend got engaged and I felt so jealous because we have been together longer (it’s silly, I know!) and now, I thought, everyone would thinked we’d simply copied them!
A couple of weeks after I got back, it was our 6th anniversary of being together and we got together to plan something to do that day. Having assumed we would be going on some kind of exciting holiday around this time, I asked him ‘Are we really not going to go on any kind of other holiday…?’ and he was like ‘Yes, but later and I’ll be planning that myself’. We ended up just going out for the day for our anniversary, but I assumed that he would be planning some kind of holiday in the near future.
That was 6 weeks ago. He really gave the impression that this mysterious ‘holiday’ was just around the corner and I thought I’d hold back from asking too much, keep the pressure off, but it’s gradually dawning on me- via things he says- that he’s not just pretending that nothing is planned- NOTHING IS PLANNED! It’s horrible because I can’t relax like you would if you know something exciting is a few months away, he’s kind of frozen me into this place where I’m constantly on edge because I’ve kind of been convinced something is around this corner!
It’s also really getting to me because I need to apply for a job or at least something to do in this year before I begin my Masters, and I don’t feel like I can in case I get in the way of this elusive, probably non-existent holiday! We agreed we wanted to get married next summer, but if he waits much longer it just seems like that will be impossible; everything will be booked up! He loves to go to town and be romantic, but since a bout of depression at university he has really struggled with getting anything done. He has recovered now, but he is terrible at getting organised. Part of me understands and sympathises, but part of me is so frustrated because I feel like we’re running out of time.
What’s worst is that I’ve started to complain at him about it, which I’m sure just makes it harder for him and his mother is convinced that I’m some kind of pushy bridezilla because I’ve mentioned getting engaged a couple times. I feel like screaming, ‘But he wanted to first! If I hadn’t thought he was so enthusiastic about getting married, I wouldn’t have talked about it so openly!’.
It’s really getting me down- I feel like I can’t start planning out this coming year until our engagement is announced so everybody knows what’s going on. I guess I’m just really desperate for some moral support!