(Closed) Going through your SO phone/emails

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever snooped?

    Never

    Yes

    N/A we are allowed to go through one another's phone/email

    Yes- I found suspicious texts/emails

    Yes- I found nothing suspicious

  • Post # 17
    Member
    5658 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I did once, and I found a conversation between him and a coworker about girls on The Chive. It was pretty disgusting and I made it clear how I felt about it.

    Thing is, I was just being flat out nosy, I had no suspicions, I was just curious what he talked about with his friends! Turns out him and his buddy from work were being completely disgusting. I haven’t looked since.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1998 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    No, never, nor would I ever. Trust is a big deal in our relationship. If I feel there’s something he’s not telling me, I simply ask. He’s the worst liar in the world anyway so I won’t ever have to snoop 🙂 

    Post # 19
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I did once upon a time, and it turned out he was meeting his friends without telling me … Which wouldn’t be a big deal, but I would be working night shift and he’d tell me he was sitting at home, when really he was out at the bar with his friends. I still tease him about his “secret life.”

    Post # 20
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t specifically go through his phone, but we often use each other’s phones, especially if one of us is driving and the other person is getting texts/emails.  I always tell someone if it’s me using DH’s phone and responding to a text message, just so they know.  I can’t imagine a situation where either of us would find something suspicious, we’re both pretty boring I guess, lol.  Our best couple friends do the same thing… I’ll often call or text one of them and the other answers. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    3075 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    We share a phone atm + were allowed to go through each others email. I just get paranoid & need reassurance so I check his email periodically. We have trust issues that were working through .

    Post # 22
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I was once very suspicious and did look.

    Not only was there nothing inappropriate there, but I felt like crap after! Should have trusted him. But I haven’t snooped in a few years now!

    Post # 23
    Member
    11735 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No. I trust my husband and have never felt the need to. I definitely did in past relationships when I felt the need to (and always found what I was looking for).  I learned a lot from those experiences and realized that if you feel the need to snoop in the first place, you’re not in a relationship with the right person, and/or you have insecurities you need to work on yourself before you’re ready to be in a relationship.

     

    We both periodically use each other’s phone for one reason or another, but neither of us takes that time to look through texts or emails.  You shouldn’t lose your own privacy just because you’re in a relationship.  We don’t have each other’s passwords to computers, e-mail, facebook, etc. either.  THe only password we share is to our joint bank account.

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    707 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2004

    @keebee:  I did. When Fiance and I were first dating, he was acting really weird and distant at the 6 month mark. I saw he was talking to other girls about wanting to go out. nothing else happened. I immediately dumped him. We took a break and he was miserable for a month and realized I was the one.

    Post # 25
    Member
    906 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    View original reply
    @Little_Nut88:  We do the same thing…  If we’re on the road and his phone rings, I answer or check his messages if we’re expecting something and vice versa.  We are very open with each other.

     

     

    Post # 26
    Member
    2167 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @MsJ2theZ:  Ya guys do text terribly disgusting things back and forth. I don’t even wanna know what my Fiance and his buddies text each other.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2529 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I never snooped, but I poke through his phone to answer a text while he’s driving or look up an email quickly. He asks me to so I’ve never been suspicious (plus he’s not a shady guy either)

    As for snooping, he has 400 unread emails and just about ALL of them are unread sports updates. It is so frustrating to look in his email inbox and see so many unread emails it drives me up a wall so I just can’t look anymore.
    And texting is a pain too, becaus all he and his friends do (apparently) is think of the best insults they can and then text them to each other? It’s funny but also when someone’s on a roll at 11 pm it’s annoying.

    Only once did I read a text I wasn’t supposed to see… my mom had texted him to tell him how wonderful he was, right after he stopped by her house to ask her permission to marry me.
    He told me he went down to bring her soup instead (she had a cold), and I totally fell for it.

    Post # 28
    Member
    5658 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @sillysillybee:  They are so stupid seriously LOL! 

    Post # 29
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I’ll admit, when I was waiting (when I knew he had the ring and was just waiting to propose) I did a bit of snooping. He was careful to delete everything related to proposing, though, so I never found anything!

    Post # 30
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    SO and I don’t mind if we check each others’ messages. I’ve only checked once – we’re in a long distance relationship and over the past 6 months, he’s started hanging out and working (a lot) with a girl I’ve never met. I trust SO and know that he would never do anything, but I wanted to see if she was crossing a line at all since we’ve never met and I can’t just guess based on our interactions.

    It turns out that she has been hardcore flirting with SO and asking totally inappropriate things. SO is completely oblivious (bless him!), and all of his answers to her texts were really straightforward and innocent, written as though he has zero idea of what’s going on. I brought it up with SO and he was dumbfounded, but after reading through the messages, he totally saw where I was coming from and has since spoken to his friend saying that their relationship is purely “co-workers”. Apparently she’s being quite cold with him now, but he says he’d rather that than have her try something.

    SO has also gone through my phone because he’s a tech geek and he was seeing what I had on my Android, and a text came up from an ex of mine. He knew my ex and I ended our relationship on good terms (neither of us were right for each other and we broke up over a bottle of wine and a lot of laughs), but I guess he hadn’t known that we still spoke. A quick update on my friendship with EX and the confusion was gone!

    I think if we didn’t let each other see our phones on occasion, I’d be suspicious. What could we possibly have on our phones that can’t be seen by the one person we love and trust more than anyone? We have almost all of the same friends, so it seems silly to be hiding messages from each another.

    Post # 31
    Member
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I haven’t ever, and wouldn’t ever unless I was prepared to end the relationship. Snooping through each other’s email, etc. is a total invasion of privacy and a dealbreaker for both of us. Every single relationship I know of where one partner “forced” the other to show them their email, texts and such, imploded due to the resentment and lack of trust the snooping and “random inspections” created.

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