(Closed) Going through your SO phone/emails

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever snooped?

    Never

    Yes

    N/A we are allowed to go through one another's phone/email

    Yes- I found suspicious texts/emails

    Yes- I found nothing suspicious

  • Post # 32
    Member
    4170 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I sometimes snoop around birthday/Christmas to see what he got me, just because I hate surprises and not knowing kills me. Knowing he may be gearing up to propose has been the hardest test thus far in our relationship. I don’t ever go on his phone with the purpose of trying to catch him doing something. If I feel something is wrong, I ask him, but so far, I’ve never felt the need to snoop because he hasn’t given me reason to snoop.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I use his phone/email to find information I need like amazon tracking info, that one estimate from that bathroom remodel guy that one time, someone’s address, etc, and he is free to do the same with mine! There’s not an explicitely stated open book policy, but that’s just how it’s been. I leave my email up on his computer all the time because his has the printer.

    He’s never given me a reason to not trust him, and I hope I haven’t either!

    Post # 34
    Member
    1487 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @Kimberley25:  Same here.  I have never ever understood why girls think it is ok and acceptable to snoop through their SO’s emails, txts, photos, etc.  I would be LIVID if I found out that my DH did that behind my back, and it would really damage the trust we have with each other.    

    Post # 35
    Member
    8035 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    We have access to each other’s accounts… know each other’s passwords, etc. Sure, I’ve browsed before. I even have his email on my phone because he wanted me to (we travel lots and he doesn’t have a personal smartphone). Neither of us has anything to hide. In fact, he’s always like “did you read the email my mom sent?” and starts discussing discussing it and usually I tell him I haven’t looked lol.

     

     

    Post # 36
    Member
    471 posts
    Helper bee

    as a man, personally I think there is a huge difference between looking to find something and just being nosey. Theres a sense of trust that is broken when you go through someones personal information even though you both are married or engaged and it still feels wrong too me. IF you have genuine suspicions about whether or not your SO is cheating, then I would give you all go ahead to either confirm or deny those claims! But if he/she hasn’t given you any inclination or you haven’t had that womans instinct I would definitely advise against it because majority of the times you’re gonna find something that doesn’t make you so happy that isn’t a big deal (imo)… 

    I think even  “just being nosey” are  in the same realm of looking for something in my opinion. some of my relationships have included the girl looking in my phone and I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I wasn’t cheating, but if you’re constantly on your mans case about him talking to girls or talking to his friends about girls, he MIGHT start thinking “well if i’m being accused of it… might as well start doing it” I’m not saying that ALL men think this way, but there are a few who might believe this. Her looking through my phone just made me feel really bad and feel like she didn’t trust me…

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    2890 posts
    Sugar bee

    @keebee:  Yes I did, but simply because his gmail account is on the Ipad we share, and we receive electronic bills (electricity, cable), so when there’s a new mail and I happen to be using the Ipad, I check what it is, but I don’t open it unless it’s a common bill. Other than that, we never check each other’s mails and we do not have cellphones. Honestly, I’ve never felt the need to check what he was doing, and I’m pretty confident he didn’t either. Also, we are together pretty much 24/7 (we both are students and we work from home) so we share the office in our appartment. I don’t really see how he could cheat on me or whatever in that situation. 😛 

    Post # 38
    Member
    633 posts
    Busy bee

    I used to do this with an ex – he cheated on me repeatedly, though I didn’t know that for sure until very close to the end. I felt so guilty for having the uncontrollable urge to check his phone/email, and only years later did I really get that I had that uncontrollable need to snoop because in my heart I knew he was lying to me.

    With my current SO, I have no real desire to snoop. But he also doesn’t really hide things from me, and while I don’t know the password to his email, he’s extremely nonchalant about leaving it open. I actually don’t think he’d care much if I went through it, though I think it would make him sad to think that I’d doubted him. But he wouldn’t be angry about it. In fact, now that I think about it I went into his open email a few weeks ago to look for a receipt for theatre tickets while he was in the shower. He knew I did, and it was a total non-event to both of us. So, there’s no real barrier if I wanted to go looking. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel the need to go looking….

    Post # 39
    Member
    434 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @CakeyP:  My SO has over 2500 unread messages and I just don’t get why he doesn’t just delete things when they come in or at least periodically. I can’t handle looking at his inbox haha. Even with the new gmail where the promotions and stuff aren’t in view in the inbox, I still have to clear it out periodically for my sanity!

    For the most part, I don’t look. In my last relationship, I was super insecure and looked whenever I could. I never found anything super suspicious, but I did find a text to a female friend (totally platonic) saying that he was upset at me and that I had hurt him by saying something the night before. It was something pretty basic that I didn’t realize was hurtful and that he should have been able to tell me about, and it made me so upset that he texted her about it instead of talking to me.

    In my current relationship I used to because I carried that habit over, but now I feel absolutely no need to. If he’s texting back and forth a lot, I admit that I will try and take a peek to see who he’s talking to. He does the same to me. For both of us, it’s almost always one of our roommates. Early in our relationship I saw that he texted an ex-crush (he was hung on up her for over a year) to get lunch, but I understand it was platonic because they were best friends for a while. He’s since stopped talking to her completely, and he’s never given me anything legitimate to worry about.

    Post # 40
    Member
    2115 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    keebee

    i dont go threw his stuff. but yesterday for example i used his phone to take a pic of us cuz mine was dead . so i went into it to send it to myself and noticed he had like 150 downloads… so yeah i clicked on it. pretty much all porn. well i cant blame him , hes gone for work a lot and i dont acutally care. but was totally surprised and teased him a bit. emails no, if i happen to see something while i borrow it then yeah ill look. we are both not weird with our phones at all. he can use mine i can use his.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    Nope, never snooped!  I should have in a past relationship haha.  That guy was cheating on me…

    I digress.  In this relationship I have never had a reason to snoop, and in actuality there have been times where we both needed to use the other’s phone.  He has also given me his email before too, like when he got in contact with our pastor but then was in training for a month, he just had me use his email to get in touch with the pastor.

    So we’re really open with each other anyway.

    Post # 42
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I generally don’t go through his phone. Sometimes I will… not behind his back though. I’ll tell him let me see what you have been talking about! And snatch his phone. All in good fun.

    At the begining of our relationship though, about 6 months in… He left his facebook open and I clicked on his messages. He had been messaging this girl, saying he was with me but it’s not serious bla bla bla… And that they should get together sometime. I deleted her from his friends list and didn’t mention it again LOL. Nothing ever came of it.

    But I trust him when it comes to being faithful. I sometimes don’t trust him on the other hand about other things. He lies about different things that I wonder why on earth he would like about it? Like getting  a ticket or something :/

    Post # 43
    Member
    834 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

    @keebee:  DH and I often use eachother’s phones. Many times when he’s driving he’ll ask me to check a text for him, so I pretty much see what’s on his phone anyway.

    As far as whether or not it’s right, DH has said before that honestly, not being trusted makes him not want to be trustworthy. For example, if I constantly accused/ questioned him about cheating, he would feel like he might as well cheat.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3229 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We’re married so I don’t consider it snooping.  Hubby can go through my phone/email anytime and vice versa.  Neither one of us use email for anything besides business so we always leave our emails open just out of habit.  I’ve only caught something I didn’t like on his cell once and that was from someone else contacting him and crossing the line.  He rarely goes through my phone but when I go through his, he’s usually in the room.

    Post # 45
    Member
    9948 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    VOTED – Not Applicable

    Mr TTR & I are open books to one another.  We have no secrets.

    I don’t snoop and neither does he… but I wouldn’t blink if he picked up my phone to use it, or I his.

    Because we use our computers for work… we don’t normally just plop down at one-another’s without asking first

    But nothing untowards there either.

    PS… In my first marriage, I was more prone to snoop.  I attribute this to 2 elements.  First I was a lot younger, having met my Ex Hubby in Uni… I find that younger immature people have bigger issues with jealousy than older people generally.  And second, he wasn’t the most up-standing guy (hence why we got a Divorce)… he had issues, lots of issues… I couldn’t trust him 100% like I can Mr TTR… so ya, in so much as he lied to me, I was far more suspicious of him & his actions.

    IMO, having trust is a zillion times better.  I am soooo thankful I have that now.  I shudder when I think back on how my First Marriage functioned emotionally (100% disfunctional)

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I could if I wanted to, we have totally open access all the time. I know his passwords and he knows mine.  We occassionally look for emails for the other/answer texts while someone is driving.  I just don’t really have a reason to want to or feel the need to look.

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