(Closed) Going through your SO phone/emails

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever snooped?

    Never

    Yes

    N/A we are allowed to go through one another's phone/email

    Yes- I found suspicious texts/emails

    Yes- I found nothing suspicious

  • Post # 47
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee

    I did when were alot younger. We’re both 26 and 27. We have each other’s passwords for stuff but I haven’t felt like I needed to look. Besides I didn’t really find anything that was crazy anyway haha.

    Post # 48
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Yeah, I did it when my SO and I were young and stupid (like 5 years ago!). I regretted doing it, but I also discovered some major information that warranted a huge change in our relationship. I don’t know that I ever would have found that info out and it never would have been dealt with. So… I don’t regret it, although I recognize it was a huge invasion of privacy and would never do it again. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    2861 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I used to and I DID find something. We broke up and ended up back together after A LOT of work, time and effort. Do I sometimes still get the urge to snoop? I admit that I sometimes do. It’s hard to let go of what he did completely. But it’s like once every few months and I do it right in front of him. When we got back together he knew I might ask from time to time and he understands he broke my trust so he has zero issues with it. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    The reason for snooping depends. I’m not a fan of being in an either/or camp for questions like this. If he is withdrawing from you, is being secretive, seems to be having an increasingly devoted relationship to another woman – especially one you don’t know – then I think it’s fair game to get some answers. If you happen to find other, unrelated information along the way, like him venting about you to a (non-threatening, male) friend, you don’t get any say and you can’t stomp and pout about it.

    But just because someone is feeling insecure (and they can’t even justify it to themselves)? Nah. I grew up with a mother who had no concept of personal boundaries and privacy, and I don’t want my husband living with the same thing.

    Post # 51
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I don’t feel it’s really “snooping” if you’re engaged or married because after you’re married you’re supposed to be one with eachother which means my business is your business and yours is mine…there’s no such thing as privacy the two people should be an open book with eachother.

    Post # 52
    Member
    678 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Yes, in the early years of our relationship I checked maybe 5 times or so. It wasn’t to catch him doing something wrong or anything like that, but he had kind of a crazy ex that was always asking him if I was living with him still and if we planned on getting married. Yuck.

    So I was just curious if they were still in touch… And found nothing every time.

    Post # 53
    Member
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No, I’ve never snooped into my husband’s accounts to look for something he was hiding. I’ve never had the urge. I have occasionally gone into his email/computer/phone because he’s looking for something or I’m looking for something and we don’t keep anything from each other. But I look for what I’m looking for, not just reading through looking for anything suspicious. I’ve never come across anything of concern, so never had any reason to go looking when there wasn’t a reason. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    DH and I have an agreement that we have each other’s passwords for everything and that we are allowed to look at anything we want. Because of this neither of us feel much of a need to snoop. I have looked at DH’s texts and stuff, but it’s usually due to curiosity more than being suspicious. DH and his friends are hilarious!

    Post # 55
    Member
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Every time this topic comes up on the boards, which is quite often, I say the same thing: it’s only “snooping” if you’re not allowed. There’s nothing my husband owns that I don’t have access to and vice versa. Do I set there and read all his emails? No, that would be boring. But I could if I felt like it. We don’t have secrets and we use each other’s devices/know each other’s passwords. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    1632 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I have and only have ever gotten my feelings hurt. Oh well

    Post # 57
    Member
    2085 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    oops, i clicked yes and foudn nothing suspicious…. should’ve click N/A since we are not private about our phones

    Post # 58
    Member
    2543 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I have snooped before, but I don’t do it now. We’re both really open and I wouldn’t care if he looked at my phone any time he wanted, and he wouldn’t care if I looked at his. I can be a very jealous person sometimes and I think entertaining the thought that he would be doing something shady on his phone makes me feel crazier than I am. So I just trust him and it’s a lot easier for both of us.

    But for the record, when I did snoop in the past, I found absolutely nothing suspicious.

    Post # 59
    Member
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We have our own laptops and both use Chrome for ourselves. On Firefox we have each other’s Facebooks logged in. We use each other’s phones, eg. if he wants me to call his mum I’ll normally grab his phone. Nothing to hide.

    Post # 60
    Member
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

    I try to read his texts as he gets them and replies, out of curiosity, but he jokingly won’t let me!  But usually he’ll either tell me or show me what he’s texting if I’m really curious…  And I’ve glanced at his email to see if maybe he bought me something as  a gift…  But no serious snooping there.

    The only real snooping I’ve done was in his pictures – I was super curious about what his ex girlfriend looked like, so I dug through all his photos trying to find her, but either couldn’t figure it out or he didn’t have any.  There were pictures of him with a girl (a long long time ago, long before me!), but I don’t think it was her…  I never told him about that snooping, though I’m sure he’d show me what she looks like if I was dying to know.

    Post # 61
    Member
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I have just out of curiosity. My SO deletes all her texts almost immediately after she sends them. her old phone used to run out of room so it’s a habit she’s never broken. I would never suspect her of cheating but I just am curious about other parts of her life that I’m not a part of

    The topic ‘Going through your SO phone/emails’ is closed to new replies.

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