Going to a baby shower while dealing with infertility-advice?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Skip it.  

Post # 17
Member
10274 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It’s basically just a baby shower. But technically it’s not etiquette approved to have a baby shower for every baby (you’re just supposed to do it for the first) so they rename it and claim it’s smaller but you still get presents.  

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jemmlove12 :  

Post # 18
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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hikingbride :  sounds like a baby shower to me. Pretty nervy of people to have two baby showers imo

OP I wouldn’t go regardless of anything, it’s just tacky and gift grabby. 

Post # 19
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

don’t go and don’t even bother giving a gift unless you really want to. I don’t think people should expect gifts for every child. 

Once I got invited to a baby shower of a co-worker (we are not friends more like aquaintances) for her granddaughter. Not even her own baby. I said no. 

Post # 20
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Sprinkles are kind of ridiculous anyway, so I think it would be perfectly acceptable to not go! For your own mental health.

Post # 21
Member
10045 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

 

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jemmlove12 :  Usually it’s a toned down baby shower basically. The ones I’ve been to the mom’s didn’t have a registry or anything, and people brought diapers, soap etc. Nothing major.

OP I wouldn’t go. Send a card along with a family member or mail it to them.

Post # 23
Member
9563 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

OP, please don’t go if it’ll be painful for you, it’s not worth it. Be kind to yourself. 

I also think it’s pretty ridiculous that she’s having a sprinkle when she just had her first daughter a year ago and this one’s also a girl. I’m more sympathetic to sprinkles if it’s a different sex and/or there’s a bigger age gap between kids and the parents don’t have baby things anymore.

Post # 24
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

Another vote for don’t go.

Plan yourself a relaxing day instead like massage or trip to a museum, or just a long hot bath. You don’t need to go. I skipped my dh’s best friend’s kid’s bday because I started stims that same day. Best decision I ever made for my own mental health. I got accupuncture instead and it was glorious 🙂 

Post # 25
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Just send a gift and keep your sanity. I went through infertility years ago and it was really tough. A couple of ideas. Have you heard of the group RESOLVE? It is a support group for people going through infertility. It is really helpful to commisserate with others going through the same thing and get practical ideas. There are many groups throughout the country. As much as possible, try to enjoy the life you have now with your husband. Infertility is a spiritual journey. You have to struggle at times with how unfair life can be and you have to struggle with the mystery of suffering. Why do some people get pregnant easily and others have to struggle to have a baby? How did my infertility turn out? First we adopted my older son and then later on through additional treatments gave birth to our second son. I am actually grateful that I went through infertility because it led to adopting my older son from Romania which would not have happened if I hadn’t gone through infertility. He along with my other son are the greatest gifts of my life. However, it happened in God’s time not my time. 

 

Post # 26
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Don’t go.  During this time in your life, you need to protect yourself and honor your feelings.  As someone coming up on the 2 year mark of infertility I totally get it, and your feelings are 100% valid.  I’ve learned to avoid situations and people that are triggering for me.  Some people won’t understand, but you can’t please everyone.  Do what feels right for you, and don’t apologize for your feelings.  I’m So sorry you are going through this, it’s a terrible thing to go through that not many people really understand.  

Post # 27
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
dgirl715 :  

I agree. Some people overdo it with gift giving events. It comes across as greedy and attention seeking. Sprinkles should be very small and low key. 

OP, my heart goes out to you. I think you should not attend or you can briefly drop in if you feel that you have to show your face. 

Post # 29
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t go. Stay home and take time for yourself. 

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