(Closed) Going to bed alone again tonight

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

How much have you talked to him about it?

Post # 5
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

If timing is a problem, maybe you can try morning intimacy?

Post # 6
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

We are in a looonnng dry spell. Before Thanksgiving! We have been working with a couples therapist for about a month. We just found out I have to have carpal tunnel surgery, and now find out his parents are both sick and in their 80s and refusing care. They live some distance away. He just got a promotion, I recently started producing more at my sales job, so life is mixed. I do wonder when “it” will ever happen again.

Post # 7
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

If the problem is more deep-seated than convinence, maybe you need to look deeper, evaluate your relationship and figure out the real problem and how to fix it. You don’t want to end up married and sexless for the rest of your life!

Post # 8
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

What if you initiated sex? Going to bed and waiting will only get you so far. You could interrupt his game. 😉

Post # 10
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think maybe you should pull the plug on his games or watch something together instead of him watching things alone.  If you are completely seperate in your routines all night, I can understand why there is never a moment for the two of you to be together.  Do something to shake up your routine and see if that helps.  If not, I think the two of you need to consider couple’s therapy or something similar to see if you can work through this.

Post # 11
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are the exact same way too. I go to bed earlier, sometimes I will read in bed first before sleeping and he stays up playing video games or watching tv. The solution we found was before we do our own things we will have sex. Or also we work it in during the day on weekends. 

If the problem really is you do all the work and he doesn’t do anything. Well don’t do it give him a tease then stop and tell him it’s your turn, he might respond then. 

Good luck I know it’s not easy when you have different sleep patterns. 

Post # 12
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

There are lulls and high energy points in every relationship. 3 weeks isn’t really a terrible amount of time, he might just be in a veg out kind of mood lately.

Post # 13
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

@iheartnerds: I know exactly how you feel when you say I think the problem is not even so much wanting sex as wanting to be wanted/seduced. SO is also a gamer and I learned that I had to tell him specifically what I wanted in that regard. Thankfully we got over the “games feel more important than me” hump, but I know how frustrating and hurtful it is. I think making a list of specifically what you want and then having a sit-down-look-at-each-other conversation about the entire thing, maybe progress can be made. I hope things work out!

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