(Closed) Going to lunch with FMIL, who pays?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since she said she would pay, I would let her. When the bill comes, just say thanks. You can offer to take her out next time. 

Post # 4
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

usually the person who invites the other out pays. you can offer to leave the tip or buy desert or a glass of wine each

Post # 5
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Regardless of who I go with, I always offer. The times when the other party insists on paying, I always insist on leaving the tip.

Post # 6
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@echolove:  I always offer. She will probably pay, especially if she already said she was going to do so, but I think people always appreciate when someone offers.

Post # 8
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Offer to split it when the bill comes…. once. “I’m happy to split the check” or something like that. Then if she says no, all you have to do is smile graciously and thank her. Many people enjoy treating their friends/family, so don’t feel guilty! 



Post # 9
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If she invited and already offered then just say “thank you” and leave a tip. I don’t see a sense in offering if it’s already established that it’s her treat.

Post # 10
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Regardless of who initiates the lunch, I ALWAYS try to pay for the bill, if they are completely adament about paying then I will let them take care of it and then I also put the tip down as well without offering

Post # 11
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think when the check offers, you should still offer to pay (for the entire bill) even though we know she is going to. At least it shows you weren’t expecting to be treated. She’s going to insist, “No, no, my treat!” and then you will back down and say, “Oh, thank you so much! You shouldn’t have! Next time is on me.”


Post # 12
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@echolove:  I can’t even offer anymore. Future Mother-In-Law is not very well off, so offering to pay is a huge insult to her.

Post # 13
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@echolove:  I always at least offer… if they say no then I say ‘Okay, I’ll leave the tip then!’ It usually works out

Post # 14
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

She who invites, pays.

For people I see regularly, we take turns paying… it no longer matters who invited who.

Post # 15
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think it’s nice to offer, but if she insists on paying, let her do this one nice thing for you 🙂 Your Fiance may have been filling her in on your own situation with your mother and she may be trying to make you feel better 🙂

Post # 16
10293 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Don’t feel awkward and just accept graciously and thank her this time.  As pp mentioned, she invited you.   Next time, you can certainly offer to treat,   but I would not be surprised if she NEVER lets you pay!  Maybe you can make a meal for her sometime. 

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