(Closed) Going to open a can of etiquette worms!

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
6273 posts
Bee Keeper

We just didn’t register. If people asked we said no gifts. People gave us lovely token gifts and things like bottles of wine. Most people put cash in an envelope.

Post # 4
114 posts
Blushing bee

 Whyyyyyy must people start these. I know you want advice, but do yourself a favor, close this and look at past threads about cash and registries to get whatever bits of info you can. People tend to get less advice and more war. Personally, I don’t see a problem with something nicely worded like #2, but there are people who are very strict about their etiquette who will tell you and me in no uncertain terms that this is Not Ok, and then everyone gets in a big fight over it instead of just saying “look, here’s my advice, take it or leave it because you’re a stranger on the internet and what you do with your wedding does not personally affect me.”

Post # 5
13 posts

It’s perfectly fine to put nothing. If they don’t know what to get you they’ll just give money. If they get a gift, they’d hopefully get a gift receipt – if not and it’s something you have already, most stores will give store credit without a receipt. 

I would totally recomend creating a registry anyway, if people ask you can tell them. But also, most places give you a discount if you buy things off your own registry… so it doesn’t hurt to make one even if no one knows about it.

Post # 6
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I really don’t think guests need guidance honestly. And it’s so much easier to just not worry about it. We buy gifts for all sorts of occasions without all this fuss, I don’t understand why with weddings we assume our guests don’t know how to choose a gift. I would just stop stressing about it, do nothing, and be grateful for anything you receive.

Post # 7
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We registered at two retailers, and we still got 80-90% cash! It will almost for sure be a non-issue.

If you’re open to a website, you can include more than how the day will flow on there- it’s common to include engagement pictures, wedding party bios, etc. even though I know the couple, I rarely have known the wedding party well and I do always look to see the cute stories listed. You can also include suggested area attractions for any out of town guests, etc.

But if you don’t want to go that route at all, I would do nothing at all- you’ll get cash. Promise.

Post # 8
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Simply omit the registry, if there’s no registry the majority of your guests will take it as a hint that you don’t have a lot of stuff on your wish list & give cash. 

I will tell you though that in hindsight, while cash was definitely appreciated (we had no registry), those who simply used their own judgment on gifts….I ended up loving them quite a bit 🙂

Post # 9
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Ed Oliver Golf Club, Wilmington, DE

I registered for my shower, and did not take it down after the shower, so we received a few gifts off of that at the actual wedding. The vast majority of the guests gave us cash gifts, and a few did not give a gift at all.. all were fine and we were so grateful that people were there to celebrate with us! 

In saying that, you really really shouldn’t put any mention of a gift anywhere on a wedding invitation. It’s rude to expect gifts and even ruder to ask for gifts of your choosing. I’m sorry to ruffle feathers, as I am not usually an etiquette stickler.. but if someone sent me an invite with gift instructions, I would probably purposefully not listen.. 

Good luck bee!!

Post # 10
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

We are getting married after living together for 12 years so we obviously don’t need anything! Our wedding is also going to be small so I think we’re going to just tell our guests, no gifts… PLEASE! My cousin actually had something like #2 but instead, asked that it be donated to the charity of your choice or to their preferred charity in my cousin’s previous wifes name who had passed away.

Post # 11
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

People will just give cash. 

You know, there is this great thing called Google. If people want to find your registery they will Google it and find it at most major registerys. 

Post # 12
8831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

[content moderated for snark]

Post # 13
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

If you want cash then you dont have a registry… and you never mention gifts anywhere. How is this even a question. Option 3 is your only choice. People know that no registry = cash.

Post # 14
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Just put nothing, people will bring a card with cash or a cheque, or if they don’t bring a card they probably wouldn’t have brought one even if you had a registry.

My sister just got married, and since she and her husband had been together for over a decade, they did not need enough to make it worth building a registry. They put nothing on their invitation, and they got a card with a monetary gift from every guest, plus one bottle of champagne.

This is the way of the modern wedding in my opinion, and definitely what I plan to do.

Post # 15
1747 posts
Bumble bee

What is the usual situation in your circle?  Do most give cash – is so, then that will likely be the case for you.  Do most give physical gifts – if so, then this will likely be the case for you.  

Of the options you list #3 is the least likely to raise eyebrows, 

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