(Closed) going to propose at the end of the year But not anymore

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If he said he wasn’t ready, but then tells you he’d propose by the end of the year, maybe he’d just propose because he felt pressured.

Would you be comfortable with that?

 

Post # 4
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Time will tell! If it’s something you want, then I don’t blame you for saying something. In his defense, it’s basically an ultimatum. That may have scared him off a bit. But honestly, I think you should just sit him down and talk with him about it. Just tell him you said it because you just want to know where you stand with each other, etc.

Post # 6
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Hope1985:  I agree with the PP that maybe he is feeling like he HAS to do it. That’s a lot of pressure to say that you would walk out. I can see both sides of it.

Post # 7
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Good for you standing up for yourself. If marriage is important to you, it’s important to let him know that. It’s probably a good idea to let things cool off a little for now. Later on, bring up the subject of marriage again and figure out whether he’s ready and if not, why not. Try not to mention leaving or anything because he already know that. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Hope1985:  I would just back off of the marriage subject and let things go for a while. If he is unsure, it wouldn’t be a good idea regardless. You may have just caught him off guard with the talk of marriage. I let my Darling Husband bring it up first (when we were dating, of course.) He initiated all of the ring shopping..etc. I wouldn’t feel like it was from the heart if I had to give any sort of ultimatum or anything like that. You want him to do it on his own time.

Post # 10
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

At first you said you would possibly walk if he didn’t propose within a few years (an ultimatum), and then you said you didn’t have any discussions about rings and you were just trying to see if marriage was in the cards. Which one is it?

I think being upset about not being proposed to after only two years is a little absurd (EDIT: I reread this and I think I sound a little judgy here, so I apologize), and talking about walking is not going to get you what you want. How is he supposed to make a grand gesture of love and declare that he wants to be with you forever if you are telling him that you might leave in a few years?

I do agree that it was shitty of him to dangle the carrot in front of you and take it away.

Post # 12
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@Hope1985:  Oh, I totally think you should have had the marriage conversation by now. But it sounds like you were pressuring him into proposing. Just clarify to him that you are happy he can see you as a life partner and that you apologize if you put any pressure on him (i.e., by telling him that you’ll walk). Don’t let this ruin your holidays.

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@somethingaquamarine:  I really disagree with this. A woman telling a man that marriage isn’t important and she won’t wait around forever isn’t an ultimatum. The OP wants marriage. There’s nothing wrong with that and she deserves to be with a guy who is willing to give her that. After 2 years, he should at least be willing to discuss a possible future with her.

Post # 15
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If all you wanted was to see if marriage was in the cards, you could have said “Do you see us getting married?/When do you see us getting married?”. Opening a discussion by saying you’re going to leave him if he doesn’t step up is an aggressive acceleration of the communication process. That should have been saved for, like, 6 months from now – not the first conversation.

The topic ‘going to propose at the end of the year But not anymore’ is closed to new replies.

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