Post # 1
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
Hi everyone,
I have an etiquette question. A college friend is getting married this summer, and I am getting married in the fall. Her wedding is large with all our friends invited (we never hung out 1 on 1, only in a group). When making our wedding list, Fiance and I had to be really brutal. We both have large families and wanted to make it intimate, so only invited friends who we would call to hang out with or see more than a few times a year. So needless to say, she didn’t make the cut.
Will it be awkward if I go to her wedding this summer? Or should I send my regrets and a gift?
Post # 3
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper
i think i would go. she is obviously having a different kind of wedding and put you on that guest list, so no harm in going. its completley unrelated i think. in fact, when i did my guest, i invited some people who did NOT invite me to their wedding a few months before!
Post # 4
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
If you want to go, go! 🙂 Some people want to invite everyone they know to their wedding and have a huge party. There’s no need for you to stay away just because you’re not doing the same.
If you only hang out with her in a group anyway, I’m sure she won’t take it personally that she’s not invited to yours. Even if there was going to be any potential awkwardness, she’s going to be way too busy making the rounds for it to be of any consequence. If it does come up (which it almost certainly won’t), just tell the truth: your wedding will be small and intimate, with mainly family.
Post # 5
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
I think I would go especially if it’s a big wedding. However, I would make an effort to not discuss your wedding with her or her closer friends. Like another poster said, if it comes up just mention that you have to keep it really small because of [insert reason here]. She probably won’t be offended. I know I’m not inviting some people because I just won’t have the space.
Post # 6
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
Thanks! I feel better RSVPing yes now. It’s so true that she’ll be very busy the day of and likely won’t be thinking of my wedding at all. And I’m not the type to be blabbing about my wedding at someone else’s so I think it should all be good 🙂
Post # 7
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
My first instinct was to say no…but then I thought about how we have invited 4(!) couples who have gotten married in the past year to our wedding this August, and none of them invited us. Do we still want them to come? Absolutely, or we wouldn’t have invited them! I disagree with the people who said not to talk to them about your wedding though. You need to make sure to tell them that you guys are having a small wedding and you wish it was big enough to invite everyone, but it’s not in your budget right now. Make another kind gesture to them of some sort. 3/4 couples who did not invite us talked to us about it and there are no hard feelings whatsoever. The one who hasn’t, though, I am feeling really awkward about right now.
Post # 8
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee
@missbeachbum: You have nice social instincts. If you accept hospitality from someone (of any sort, not just at a wedding) then you should return the hospitality some time within the same season. Naturally, you are not obliged to return wedding-for-wedding, or else already-married guests and confirmed-spinster guests would never fulfil their social obligations! You are just obliged to return dinner-party for dinner-party, or afternoon-tea for afternoon-tea, or evening-out-dancing for evening-out-dancing.
So, if you want to go to your friend’s wedding, go. If their wedding is a sit-down-dinner affair, then invite the host and hostess (who I presume are your friend and her husband-to-be) for dinner after they return from their honeymoon. If you live in different towns, then the rule that the return hospitality must take place in the same season does not apply, and instead you return the hospitality the next time they come to your town or you visit theirs.
Then carry on with plans for your wedding without worrying.
Post # 9
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
I have been struggling with the same thing. We just went to a wedding this weekend for a couple that aren’t on our guest list. I still think you should go to your friends wedding. Just know that it may make you feel like you should be inviting them but you shouldn’t feel obligated.
Post # 10
Member
32 posts
Newbee
personally i wouldn’t go. that’s too awkward especially with the close timing. no you aren’t under any obligation to invite her to yours because she invited you to hers, but it’s still the right thing to do.
Post # 11
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
oh gosh, I can’t even answer this question… I JUST got an invite in the mail today, and I had assumed I wouldn’t be invited to their wedding…and am not inviting them to mine. meh.
