(Closed) Going to sound like a terrible person – vent

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 31
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“The belief that not registering is a cash grab is an unfortunate etiquette myth and completely upside down. Traditionally, it’s registering that is the gift grab. Not registering only means the couple is not thinking about gifts or suggesting what people should buy or do.” 

Exactly. My first marriage lasted 10 years and when I marry for the second time, there is no way in hell I will be registering for or expecting gifts from anyone, but most especially those who got me gifts the first time around. I plan to have a bigger wedding, but have no intention of obligating anyone to spend money on parties, showers, dresses, gifts, etc. I think that’s a first wedding thing and I couldn’t imagine doing it again.

Post # 32
899 posts
Busy bee

Buy what you can afford as other bees have mentioned. Also, I don’t expect my BMs to buy me a gift. They are already getting dresses and planning my shower. 

But if she is a good friend, let her know how her registry is coming off to people. Suggest she add cheaper items. 

Post # 33
4965 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Keroppi :  That is why I hate registries….  You can never find an item in your price range that you like. I didn’t do one because people judge you on what you put on there. (I’ve judged…. I still remember a bride who put a $150 trash can! This was 20 years ago so $150 was expensive and which guest would want to buy the happy couple a bin!!! 😉 )

I’d give her a personal thoughtful gift which gets around you having to fork out more money than you are comfortable with. My go to is to get a good brand name cake server set and get their wedding date engraved on it. You give it to them before the day so they can cut their cake with it. 

Post # 34
1047 posts
Bumble bee

I’m on my second go around myself. I heard my Fiance say his mom wanted to start planning a shower and I said no way. I have a cousin getting married and I looked at her registry as we were invited to the shower. The shower invite had no mention of a registry, so I figured I could find it myself. The invite only listed some general recommendations such as queen sheets, white, light blue towels, etc. 

Her registry had a $500 duvet cover, $400 sheet set!, $70 throws, and $1500 luggage set (sale price!!). Not evening going into the top of the line cookware. Ugh. 

Girl must thinks she’s Princess Di. 

Post # 35
9573 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Its not a mandate. You dont have to give off of the registry at all, nor do you even have to give a gift if you dont want to, much less a pricey one. Dont see why your friend registering for china and a Dyson would upset you! If she doesnt have anything in your pricerange, dont get anything off it. Easy!

I dont think its the epitome of taste to register for  2nd wedding, but maybe its the grooms first time and his family wants a traditional scenario? Who knows. I dont think its your place to scold her though. Just ignore the registry.

Post # 36
1270 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a bit “meh” about registries for anything but a first wedding, anyway. Give them what you want to give them. Maybe a donation to charity in their name?

Post # 37
587 posts
Busy bee

To each their own

Post # 38
587 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Keroppi :  you don’t need to spend anything if you don’t want to. 

Maybe this time around just give her baby gift.


Post # 40
2614 posts
Sugar bee

one thing to keep in mind for the registry as well – for the following year after your wedding everything on the registry is priced at a huge discount for you. I know lots of people that put on a ton of things they knew no one would buy just so that they could buy it for cheaper the following year. 

Post # 41
193 posts
Blushing bee

I feel your pain. The bride should definitely have gifts at a variety of price points. I know it’s her second wedding, but if it’s his first, I can see why she wants the registry. 

That said, I wouldn’t judge her too much on the China and pots etc. If she asks for 12 5-piece place settings at $150 each (which is pretty reasonable), we’re already at $1800. And that’s before adding any soup bowls, platters, veggie bowls etc. We haven’t even gotten in to the flatware and crystal yet. So $2,400 may not be all the crazy for China. If she’s looking for a solid set of pots that will last a lifetime, those won’t come cheap either. 

I would just gift cash or something small from the registry and move on. Good luck!

Post # 42
7364 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Well she would get what I can afford and not a penny more. Sorry, not sorry. 

Post # 43
4245 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
Keroppi :  I mean . . . I don’t see what the big deal is? So she registered for expensive stuff. Okay? It’s a registry, not a jury summons. Either buy something if you can, or don’t. Pick an alternative. I don’t know why it’s your place to tell your friend that she registered for expensive stuff, as other posters have suggested. I registered for a whole host of things and kept my budget pretty low for the sake of my guests, but, yes, there were a few pricey items on the list. When it went 10% off after the event, I scooped them up. You’re saying that she “has everything she could possibly need” but, again, who are you to say that just because she has a working vacuum (she may or may not have to replace every year) means she can’t upgrade to a nicer, longer lasting one? I get having sticker shock, but if you can’t afford anything, move on. Give a gift card or cash. 

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