(Closed) Going to strangle my mother soon… Vent

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1964 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You need to lay down the law, particularly at this late in the game.  Say your answer is final and with good reason- head count has been turned in!  Also, maybe have a trusted friend able to “wrangle” with your mother the day of.

Post # 5
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Pearberry:  I agree, it’s too close to your wedding to start changing and rearranging things!

Post # 6
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

doesn’t want to get up early? oh BOO HOO lol! definitely too late in the game to be changing things around and confusing everybody. Put your foot down!

Post # 7
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I know you said you are her only daughter, but do you have any brothers? I would tell my brother to control my mom and lay the smack down if she got on my nerves the day of. Moms are crazy.

Post # 9
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m totally with you. My mom pulled the “let’s invite anyone I’ve ever met” crap too. I told her I would invite the friends of hers I knew and as much family as I see reasonable. That was in January when the engagement was new, and I had no idea how to go about any of this. Now it’s time for Save the Dates, and I tell her I need addresses of people she wants stuff sent to and she bitches that I told her “she can’t invite anyone”. Well, now I’m saying give me the addresses woman, (practically giving her what she wanted) and she gives me a hard time.

AND dress shopping with her has been a nightmare. She wouldn’t try anything on, and even flat out refused to look at things for her when we went dress shopping for me 6 months ago. so we go shopping this weekend for her, and she’s all mopy about colors and not getting the same thing as my FMIL or grandmother (her ex-MIL). Well, it’s crunch time and our grandmothers and my FMIL can’t wait any longer for her to get her dress cause they need to get theirs. Guess who’s fault that is? When the sales lady said “well the MOB gets first pick on the dress” my mom had the gall to mope and say “yeah, well me too but that’s not happening.” Really? Wedding is in 3 months, and you won’t even go shopping, and this is the first time I got her to even try anything on. I get that a big part of that is cause she’s overweight, but she’s not done anything to lose it in the 8 months I’ve been engaged, so what makes her think she’s gonna drop 50 lbs by October? Yes, 50. Her number, not mine. If she started in Jan, it’d be totally doable, but starting now? Urgh! (sorry, for the rant. But I’m right there with ya!)

So frustrating. As if we didn’t have enough to worry about, our mothers are supposed to make this crap easier on us, not compound the problem by getting cranky and throwing a fit like an ungrateful 5 year old. Btw, my mother can’t afford to help financially. She did pay for 1/2 my dress, but a gift like yours gave is out of the question. I’d say do the best you can, but you’re down to the wire. Just try to be firm and reminder her of who WILL be there, and with things like the stylist, if she doesn’t like the options you’ve laid out, she’s welcome to provide an alternative plan. We’re daughters, sure… but we’re also grown women who are capable of standing up for ourselves. Would she rather you be a pushover? She made you the strong woman you are. She should be proud, not pouty. lol! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t really have any advice, but I am sorry you are having to deal with that stress. My dad and I had a screaming match about what constitutes “family” (I don’t think it should include people I have never ever met and who are 90 years old, just because the same blood runs through our veins). Not to the same degree as your problem, but I know it can be stressful. Good luck– I agree with PPs, try to designate a wedding day “mom wrangler” : )  

 

Post # 12
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

As a mom this thread really bums me out :(, I so hope I don’t need a wrangler!

Post # 14
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Take the opposite apprach – your stressing yourself out right now and that will not help you on the run up to your wedding – so try just smiling sweetly and say “I’ll see what I can do” or another favorite of mine “Perhaps”  and leave it at that.. (can you tell I have had this problem too!!) 

If you try to explain anything to her she is going to keep pushing your buttons 🙁  if all else fails AVOID, AVOID AVOID, until AFTER the wedding 🙂 

Hugs

Post # 15
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would tell her exactly how she is making you feel in a very nice way. Let her know that she is hurting you by stressing you out so much. If she does’t get the message, I would smile and avoid her.

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