Post # 1
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
My DH and I got married a few months ago. Our wedding was local for most of our guests and we tried to make the day as simple as possible for everyone. (reception, ceremony and hotel were all in the same place), Most of the guests that got a room did so to avoid drinking and driving.
A few of the guests that we invited to our wedding are now engaged and are having weddings in 2014. These weddings are all destination weddings and will require hotel, extensive travel time, and missed days from work. I really do not feel like I want to attend any of these weddings due to the cost and lost time from work.
Does anyone else feel odd not going to a wedding of a friend that came to your wedding?
These weddings are for friends of the DH……. he is also on the fence about going since he rarely sees either of his friends anymore….
Post # 3
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
Generally when couples have a Destination Wedding, they expect it to be a more intimate affair and sometimes use it as a way to help cut down on the number of people attending.
If it’s a financial stretch for you, and these aren’t super super close friends or family, I don’t think you need to feel obligated to go at all. I’m sure they’ll understand, and may even be expecting it.
Post # 4
Member
4097 posts
Honey bee
@rachelmichelle: +1
Very few people who plan a destination wedding expect a decent turnout. Don’t go to weddings that will interfere with your finances.
Post # 5
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
I would send a gift but not come to the wedding. I don’t think your and DH’s friends will be offended, I’m sure they realize not everyone can afford taking time off work to travel to their wedding.
Post # 6
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
We are having a destination wedding and we are inviting people that we know cannot attend or are unwilling to attend for one reason or another, but out of respect we send invitations. I would send a gift or give them a gift off the registry and call it a day.
Post # 7
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
I agree with PPs, given that it is a destination wedding and there will be plenty of people who cannot go for various reasons, it’s completely understandable to not attend. Definitely send a gift though! 🙂
Post # 8
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
An invitation is just that – an invitation. It’s not a requirement that you attend.
If these really are dear friends whose weddings you feel badly about not attending, send a gift and a sweet note and make them feel loved from far away.
Post # 9
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
@californiabride2013: Unless we are extremely close and the destination you’ve chosen is one I have been wanting to visit, I would probably not go. I seriouly can’t think of anyone i would spend several thousands on unless that was a place i was planning to visit anyway.
Post # 10
Member
5986 posts
Bee Keeper
We have to travel for almost all weddings because we live in a different state than almost all of our family members. However, we would not take a day off of work or fly to a wedding unless we were very close to the couple.
Post # 11
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
@rachelmichelle: My thoughts exactly. I’m having a Destination Wedding and to be honest, it’s BECAUSE I don’t want everyone to attend. I want something small and intimate and frankly, if someone is not attending my wedding – I would not expect any sort of gift. Sure, a card would be lovely, but I would feel so guilty if anyone gave me a gift without being there.
Post # 12
Member
28 posts
Newbee
I have only been invited to a few weddings all of which are cross country trips for me but relatively local otherwise. Unless I am going to be eating ramen for months to pay for it or I am not close to the couple inviting me (which I would be really confused about why I was being sent an invitation in the first place) I am going. I have an idealistic view of weddings.When a friend is inviting me I think it says a lot about our relationship and I want to be there to support and celebrate with them on their day. They value our frienship which is shown by them inviting me so I want to show them that I also value it as well by attending. This is my opinion based on the weddings I have been to so far and all of which have been for people I adore. I realize this may not always be the case. For you if you or your DH aren’t close with the couple I wouldn’t worry about going.
sidenote: I also have never brought my SO to a wedding with me so the hotel is always split with girlfriends and my expense is generally low.
Post # 13
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@californiabride2013: Sounds like a lot of destination weddings. I have never missed a wedding, but then again I’ve never really had an invite to a Destination Wedding. I think that it is perfectly fine to give a gift and not go if you have constraints. Don’t feel guilty.
Post # 14
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper
If I cant afford the costs of attending a wedding, I get a gift off the registry.
People who have Destination Wedding know that there will be guests that cant make it.