(Closed) Going too Fast

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

All you can do is be there for her. It’s likely that if you try to talk her out of this, she’ll take it as jealousy and/or a condemnation, so you might want to keep your doubts to yourself. FH and I got engaged after 4 months of dating and we’re still doing wonderfully 2 1/2 years later. Time isn’t everything…

But I do agree with you that a longer engagement, in cases like these, makes more sense.

Post # 5
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I totally understand. 🙂 And yeah, the meeting twice thing is worrisome. It’s pretty awesome that you’re designing their save the date and everything, too.

Post # 6
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I definitely agree that I’d be equally as worried if it was my sister!  

I think Statutory Grape is right though — all you can do is be there for her.  Decisions like this have to be made for oneself, and the last thing you want is to push her away when she might be needing you soon!  My advice would be to go in hoping for the best, but (secretly) preparing for the worst.  I would ask her what her plans are for school, and maybe casually bring up things she should keep in mind, but be careful not to be judgmental or to seem pessimistic. I guess you can just hope that maybe they are planning for a really long engagement!

Good luck to you and your sister!

Post # 7
2318 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yeah I agree with just being there but making sure she’s aware of the issues that’s worrying to you. She seems young and is caught up with the romance of it all, try your best to be the level headed one keeping her grounded.

Post # 8
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have to agree with a couple of posters that it is very difficult to approach her and just tell her your concerns. You sound like you are fairly close so get together over coffee, natter about life for a while and just drop in a few questions about what she’s planning to do in the future. “A blog I was reading was talking about the difficulties of long term relationships… is that hard for you guys? When are you looking to move in together?”… maybe you might trigger in her mind some thoughts that she hasn’t felt rational enough to have yet.

Post # 9
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yikes!! Wow I would be pretty worked up over that one. Dating someone and having things move along quickly is one thing, but this is pretty extreme and also not very well-thought out, as you mentioned. I mean, can you even say she’s been “dating” the guy at all? Using that term to describe having met someone twice is using it pretty loosely, IMO!

Oh man… all I can say is, I feel for your frustration. But it sounds like you’re doing a good job staying level-headed and not getting overly emotional or overstepping any bounds. That’s more than I could say about how I’d be doing in your shoes!

Post # 10
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmmm… the thing that concerns me most is the fact that they’re from different countries.  Getting married to a “foreigner” is a huge, lengthly legal process that requires thousand of dollars in fees and months of waiting for approval.  Depending on the circumstances, if she travels to the US to marry him she could be barred for life for immigration fraud!!  Tell her to look into that before she does anything!!  With any luck, that’ll slow this crazy train down.

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