You are an incredibly patient woman. I would never
be ok with this. And it’s not the golfing, as some commenters are focusing on.
It’s that he’s prioritizing something else OVER your need for quality time together.
Which, to me, indicates that he’s not too keen on trying to meet your needs or make you happy.
And also you have communicated your frustration and outright HURT to him multiple multiple times and he just ignores it.
I would feel incredibly disrespected if I communicated that something DH did was hurting me and he just ignored me and kept doing it anyways. That will erode good faith in a relationship over time. Who wants to keep being vulnerable and open with a partner who disregards it???
For my DH, fly fishing is his golf. He LOVES it. It’s like meditation for him, and he lives for quiet moments on a river.
However, if too many weekend go by where he’s gone fishing a lot and I express to him that I’d like more together time, he 100% switches back into “make partner happy” or “cultivate relationship QT” mode.
Just this last weekend, he had offered that we would dog sit for a friend’s dog. When he came home from a charity shooting event on Friday, he mentioned off-hand to me that he’d been invited to do some fishing on some private property the next day, but he’d said no because he didn’t want to leave me to take care of the friend’s dog alone.
The very fact that he prioritized me in that scenario made it incredibly easy for me to be magnanimous and say, no, no, go ahead and go fishing – you never get to fish private property!
Had he come home and said he was going fishing, I would have to take care of the dog on my own, and that was that… my reaction would have been entirely different! lol
What irks me in your situation is that it seems as though your husband has decided to stop trying. He’s not paying attention to your happiness, or lack thereof, and he’s not making you feel cherished and prioritized.
I wouldn’t yet be considering divorce, but I would certainly be finding a good couples’ therapist stat.