(Closed) Good christian + pre marital sex = impossible?

posted 8 years ago in Christian
Post # 76
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

Though I understand the concept of waiting it just doesn’t seem to happen very often. Honestly, you just can’t have bad feelings about it or you will have a guilty sex-life even once you’re married! Also, I think being married in “God’s eyes” doesn’t necessarily mean being married legally. Sure maybe there should be some sort of religious ceremony, or a commitment made between you, your SO, and your pastor, etc., but I don’t think you need to be “legally married” to be married in God’s eyes. 

Overall I feel like condeming people for pre-marital sexual relations creates self-esteem issues. Also, several of my friends have been in sexual relationships before marriage and then took a pact where they waited from the time they were engaged until the marriage to have sleep together again in order to make the wedding night more “special”. This might be an option to appease everybody? Just a thought.

Post # 77
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Church

Why don’t you try it out for a week to see if its easy or difficult for you?  My Fiance and I are waiting and our wedding is 10 months from now, its not easy at all, but we’ve tried relationships the other way and that didn’t work so now we’re trying abstinence.

Post # 78
Member
563 posts
Busy bee

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adomke:  Interesting perspective! 

Post # 79
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Interesting read here I am born again spirit filled committed christian. Seeing some of the posts here just seems more sad. I long for a time when christians can publicly and hope it is taught in church, once you are in a relationship a serious one, when you feel this could be the one, then yes of course you can enjoy sex together before marriage, what better way to strenghten your bond. It is not a sin. first time i was married did everything by the traditional christian teaching, waiting for marriage and sure enough it failed. 2nd time round we took our time got to know each other and enjoyed a healthy christian sexual relationship before we got married. now married and its amazing. and if your wondering married sex is way better, part of that is from not waiting

Post # 80
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

To me, people used to get married and have children as soon as they’d started menstruating. in that case, pre-marital sex would be an issue. it was also acceoted that a woman was the property of her father until wedlock and then the propertyy of her husband! Women also stayed at home, didn’t work etc. 

Times change and as long as its not promiscuous sex, I don’t mind. 

Post # 81
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

I do believe sex before marriage is wrong. However, I do not believe in pointing out other peoples’ sin. I engaged in pre-marital sex with my now Fiance and my more conservative/religious family members judged me. I told them, unless you all are going to shout out the sins you commit from the mountain tops, I don’t need you all shouting about my sins. We ALL sin. I hate how people like to point out the sins of others but will never have a town hall meeting discussion about their own sins lol Seriously though, how can one point the finger when they themselves are sinning in some way because we are all human aka imperfect?! 

Post # 82
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

From a Christian gal who definitely didn’t wait . . . there is no “Biblical justification” for pre-marital sex.  There is a certain earthly reality that hormones and opportunity and delayed marriage (there was a time that most were married by age 20) leads to sex; but the mere fact that you don’t feel bad about what you have done doesn’t make it Biblical — the Bible is what it is, don’t go trying to pretend that something it says isn’t in there.  

For a very few, their only pre-marital sex partner is their eventual husband, but for most (like me) there were several before my Mr. Right showed up on the scene.  And for certain, there are many gals out there who experienced “I thought he was the man I was going to marry,” only for the relationship to crash and burn; for some, the guy dumped them shortly after they let him go all the way.  My story is that I pretty-much knew the guy I lost it to wasn’t “the one,” he was a hottie and I was ready to lose it.

Regardless of your peronsal story, the only legit Biblical thing is to wait until you are married to have sexual intercourse with one another.  But God forgives, and you certainly can life an abundant life (and a good marriage) despite your youthful indiscretions.  And for those who play the “we are married in our minds” game, that’s just bogus.  A marriage is the making of a solemn vow between a man and a woman, and until you make such a vow to one another, announce to the world that you are married, and live accordingly, you aren’t really married.  Anyway . . . .

Post # 84
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

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Wallace :  Why are you typing with one hand on this forum? I feel like redtube would be a much more appropriate place for you to take your time. Or if you prefer the written word, there are plenty of books and amateur author websites where you can get your thrills.

Post # 84
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My fiancée and I lived together before we got married. We wanted premarital counseling regardless. We made an effort to obstain from sex until our wedding from that point on. Were we always successful. Nope. Yes, we all know what the Bible says when it comes to sex before marriage.  That’s where God’s grace and mercy come in. God knows our weaknesses. There are many sins, and judging others is one of them. Don’t let that bother you. Just continue to be the best person that you can be, and enjoy the journey planning your wedding. God bless you. Wishing you many years of happiness. 

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