Post # 1
Well, today I found out that the mammogram I had showed results of only a benign cyst (hooray!) and all looks good. That made me feel better, at least.
Also scheduled today though, I had an ovarian ultrasound. Fiance and I have discussed having a baby right after the wedding. We have known each other over 4 years as friends and have been together for 2 yrs. 7 months (but who’s counting? )
I was diagnosed today with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.. the tech showed me all the small cysts surrounding my left ovary.
I guess I should backtrack and state that I had my right ovary and fallopian tube removed in 2003 due to large cysts. Due to the size of the cysts and the danger they posed if they’d burst, they scheduled me for an emergency surgery. They had to take the ovary and fallopian tube… it was impossible to only remove the cysts.
So, moving on… the tech told me that I will most likely (she can’t say definitely..) not be able to conceive on my own. They want to remove my Mirena in January and start running tests to determine when I ovulate. They are then talking about placing me on a fertility drug the months I am ovulating.
Given my history, she asked if I would mind getting married with a small bump… because they would rather try now if we want children than wait. Plus with all the testing, it’s likely I will be slightly pregnant (if at all) at the time of the wedding.
I’m confused. I am not sure what to do. I am blessed with a beautiful 7 year old boy that I love… I just don’t feel ready to be done having babies. I love being a mom more than anything!
Anyone have any advice on this or have a similar scenario? I mean, I don’t think they’re trying to use a scare tactic… I think the Doctor and the tech were both just being honest. They even mentioned that we could put off the fertility drug until after the wedding should I choose… and just work on testing and natural attempts first.
Post # 3
Personally… I would go ahead and start trying.. Having a child is a lot more important than fitting into a dress on your wedding day. Obviously I think most people would prefer to be married before they get pregnant but if you guys were going to start trying right away anyway why not go ahead and get started on the process to increase your likelyhood of being able to conceive.
Post # 4
Go for it! I actually carrying during your wedding is really sweet – your future child is there with you!
Post # 5
First off, congrats on only having a cyst and nothing more serious!!
I think if it were me, and I wanted to have kids, I would take my docs advice and start trying. This might be your last shot at having any, would you regret your decision to wait if you then couldn’t have anymore babies?
Post # 6
I would do whatever was necessary to have another child, if you and Darling Husband will want more children in the future. I had just read your happy post about the test coming back with good news… hang in there!
Post # 7
I think only you can make that decision. If you decide to wait, then you can ready yourself by going off any BC now (use some other protection) and be ready to go after – or 1-2 months before when it won’t show. If you decide to start now, just pick a dress that will be able to accommodate it (e.g. empire) if you do get pregnant.
I was told I have PCOS when I did a research study. Fiance doesn’t seem to worry about it, but I worry more about my fertility as I get older, so I am hoping to persuade him to start trying not to long after we’re married. (I’m 32)
Post # 8
Thanks, all, for the input! 🙂
Perhaps I should clarify a bit, as I wrote this in a blur earlier… I wasn’t even quite thinking straight at that point.
I’m not really worried about fitting in a wedding dress.. pssht.. I bought it already, and will add fabric if needed… or just buy a new one! I guess my main concern is what people will think. I mean, I know I had a baby 7 years ago out of wedlock… and I remember how my ex’s parents treated me. The things they said were hurtful. I was called names and accused of trapping him.
Now, I don’t think that will be the case AT ALL here-and I know I shouldn’t care what people say. I personally think there is nothing wrong with having a baby bump when exchanging vows! 🙂 I just worry what more traditional people will say/think. FI’s family is incredible, and I really shouldn’t feel this way… ex’s family was awful. I should know better… but I guess that fear is just there. Being through that ordeal once was hard enough. I don’t want whispers and snickering…
But the more I have given it thought, I guess I really DON’T care! 🙂 And if people want to talk, then let them. This is about creating a family and that is important to me. I’m secretly hoping for twins from the fertility drugs!! 🙂 Haha!
The best update ever is that Fiance and I had a nice talk about it.. and he is fully on board with the doctor’s plan. So, around June we will be on fertility drugs and no BC! 🙂 What a special time.. getting married and trying to add to our family. I feel truly blessed that he wants this as much as me and he reassured me his grandmother would be elated to see me walk down the aisle carrying her first great-grandchild. 🙂
He and my 7 year old took me out to dinner to cheer me up too, and boy did it work! They had me laughing so hard my face hurt and my stomach was sore.
It’s moments like these that I feel so ultimately blessed in life. 🙂 I hope you all have moments like these as well, because I just couldn’t imagine living without them.
Post # 9
Sorry you are going through this too… it’s scary!
After losing an ovary and fallopian tube to the cysts, I’m nervous as all get-out about it. I know what can happen. So now that I found out the left ovary is getting all the little cysts surrounding it, I am on high alert.
You know, it took for this appointment today for Fiance to realize how hard this really is on me. I knew I had PCOS, but the fact that it’s so prominent now and with being told I need fertility drugs and waiting could diminish the chances significantly.. that really hit home.
When Fiance came home from work, he found me sobbing on the sofa. All I could do was look at him and say, “I’m not ready to be done having babies”… and he knew what had happened. It took me really being a wreck and getting worst case scenario news today to fully open his eyes to the situation.
He’s been worried, yes, but today was hard on both of us. We are both scared and want the chance to raise a child together.. he didn’t come into my son’s life until we started dating seriously… my son was almost 5.
Have you had a serious heart-to-heart with your Fiance and told him your fears?
Post # 10
@Jd64848704: I’m glad that your Fiance is so on board and supportive. It sounds like he and your son are making the best of this situation and cheering you up 🙂
As for what people will think, psh on them! I’m sure that no one will judge, and, if there are very traditional people in your audience, word of mouth from close family may get around to them that you two are so happy to be blessed with another child*ren (for your hopeful twins;) ) after the medical obstacles you faced. Seriously, people become VERY understanding when they hear that little phrase.
Post # 11
Well congrats on on finding out you okay on the first matter. I would so be on board with getting starting a family earlier than planned. Your FH and his family sound amazing. Good luck with everything.
Post # 12
@indibee: You are right! 🙂 I think that they would be understanding if they heard why we were taking two big life steps at once. Yes, Fiance is totally on board and he is so reassuring. He even asked if we could talk to the doc about harvesting my eggs. He’s thinking of everything possible to do everything we can. He said if all else fails, he’s definitely not opposed to looking into adoption, which I’m also very much open to. I just want to go through the whole experience together if we can 🙂
Oh those boys had me in stitches in the car on the way home from dinner! Bon Jovi-Livin’ on a Prayer came on and we were all singing at the top of our lungs and laughing our butts off! We even did a Lady Gaga medley.. well, mostly me with the boys chipping in on the parts they knew of Poker Face. 🙂 It’s what I needed tonight. Some good food and my two guys sharing laughs. It doesn’t get a lot better than that!
@bklynbridetobe: Thanks for the input! 🙂 I think it’s becoming more common to be “non-traditional” in the sense that more and more couples don’t wait for the wedding night to conceive. Things happen! You adjust 🙂
You are right… Fiance and his whole family are completely fantastic. I love them all. Fiance is my soulmate.. I never knew how that felt until him. He makes me so happy and is always by my side to keep me up when I feel like I want to fall. He’s my rock, and also my best friend.
Post # 13
Girl I’m so glad he’s on board! Good for you! Do what you want! And I’m glad dinner worked cheering you up!
And even more glad nothing serious in the mammogram!
Post # 14
@gogogiraffes: Thanks, and me too on all counts! 🙂 I’m glad things are looking up. We will do what the doctor says and see what happens. That’s all we can do. 🙂
Post # 15
@Jd64848704: No, but you’re right, I really should. In some ways, it doesn’t feel “real” to me because it wasn’t something MY doctor said, but the doctor on the study. It’s easier to ignore. (I also don’t have some characteristics such as weight gain or excessive hair, just the acne, delightful as that is, and slightly longer period cycles). But there’s no reason to disbelieve it – she was doing an ultrasound and pointed to the dots on the screen. My doctor has never done an ultrasound on me. I watch my sister struggle with fertility so it’s certainly something that I take seriously. That said, I do want to wait until I’m married, I guess I’m traditional after all in that regard. (It will also save a ton of headache from my parents…) I’m not quite ready to be a parent but I would choose it today over not having kids, if that was the choice. I need to sit down with him and tell him that I want to start trying soon after we get married. He commented recently that I’ve started saying negative things about having kids (“if I can even have them…” that I never used to, so we talked then about my worries, but not about what to do. The problem is that he is nowhere near ready to have kids (despite being 4 years older and having most of his friends start families) – in fact, he waivers on wanting them although he knows I really want them and agreed to have them before I moved in with him. I also need to really sit down with my doctor and talk to her about this.
Anyhow, I have no answers for you, but PM if you want some support!
ETA: If you are willing to be open with his family to a degree, that may help with them understanding. You don’t have to say exactly what you are doing, but a casual reference to “Oh, we saw the doctor today to discuss options considering my PCOS” will set the stage should you get pregnant early. And you can always announce the happy event with “We are so thrilled….given my medical condition our doctor was very concerned…”
Post # 16
I dont have personal experience with this, but if a bigger family is what you want then start TTC. It would not hurt! I know how great being a mommy is and I hope that you and your family are blessed!! Good luck with everything even though its not the greatest news try and make the best of it!