(Closed) Good News–we got our venue contract. The bad news–we’re a bit offended.

posted 7 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mrs.Darling: That’s so lame. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

Post # 4
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We tried to book a private beach wedding in Mexico, and they said that we couldn’t have our ceremony at a “family friendly” resort, and had to do it at one of the couples only resorts.  Basically, we decided to forget the whole thing.

We later met with a florist who kept saying the “groom.”  We were both sitting there like, “ummmm, there isn’t a groom.”  It was the strangest thing.  We were right in front of her.  

It has been difficult sometimes, but most of the time we just don’t let it bother us.

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ugh, I’m sorry you two are having to deal with such close-mindedness and assumptions!

Post # 7
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I had a bit of an awkward situation like that.  We were going over the “flow” of the day with the caterer (who is also sort of like an event manager for the venue), and it was my Mom, and my very female femme fiancee.  The caterer kept saying things like “well we’ll stop if anyone wants to make a toast to the bride and groom” “the bride will come down the aisle here” etc etc.  I told her in the first part we were gay.  I introduced my fiancee as “My FIANCEE AMANDA”. 

These people haven’t dealt with it before.  It sucks to have to deal with.  

Let us know what they say to your demand of changing it. 

Post # 8
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hopefully it will work its way into everyone’s vocabulary and thought processes sooner rather than later.

I was covering a news story about a temple (not Christian), and I kept calling it a church. OMG I was like kicking myself inside because I kept saying it! It was like my mouth was not at all connected to my brain. Total verbal diarrhea. >.< 

Anyways, I hope they become more sensitive and start thinking before the speak or type. <3

Post # 9
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Mrs.Darling:  We had a similar situation with the bridal salon.  We’d told the owner before arriving that there were two brides.  When we arrived, she asked each of us what our wedding date was.  When we both gave the same one, she exclaimed, “Two such good friends are getting married on the same day?”  D’oh!  Fortunately, after we explained, she became quite enthusiastic about the project of finding coordinating wedding dresses.

I suspect what you’re dealing with is a standard contract that hasn’t been updated.  Maybe this will serve to let them know that their standard contract really needs updating!

When NotFroofy and I filled out our marriage license application in Massachusetts, the form had been updated to call for Party A and Party B instead of bride and groom.  However, it still said that it should be filled out “in black ink or approved typewriter ribbon.”  Apparently, some things don’t get updated for a long time!

Post # 11
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

@LeahP: I want to beat the words “family friendly” with a stick, pretty much everyone has/is part of a family!!!

Post # 12
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why wouldn’t the coordinator pay enough attention to change the language? The contract should be personalized to YOUR WEDDING, and in 2011, there should not be a blanket contract that does not fit the needs of eveyone using it. I wouldn’t honor that, either. In the end, details mean everything. I’m sorry you are going through this, let us know if they fix it, or how they act when  you tell them how you felt.

Post # 14
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m all for gay marriages and all but you do have to realize that you’re a minority right? I mean typically it IS a bride and a groom. I honestly think that unless you’ve specifically seeked out gay friendly (or something of that sort) type of vendor this is just something you’re going to have to deal with (and essentially expect).

I hope that doesn’t offend you, just trying to be realistic. Never once in any of my contracts for anything was it NOT assumed to be a straight wedding, I also don’t think any vendors are intentionally or unintentially trying to offend you in anyway. It’s just something they never really thought of.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

To add: I hope that you could potentially point out that you would really apprciate if the words could be changed for future couples should they encounter this again. You could be helping future couples avoid this…

Post # 16
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@vmec:  Agreed.  With every single one of my vendors, I upfront said “THIS IS A LESBIAN WEDDING.  2 DRESSES”.  Every vendor has been great, and all our contracts were changed to Bride 1 and Bride 2 before they were given to us. Our photographer even updated her contract to “Partner 1” and “Partner 2” for all of her (presumbly straight) future couples. 

We as gays do have to expect that the wedding world is going to be pretty heteronormative.   The trick is finding the vendors who are accepting and willing to work to make this your day, gay or straight. 

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