(Closed) good solution for a tricky work situation?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: is this an OK way to deal with not inviting everyone at work?
    a personalized note in the invite asking for some discretion should be OK. : (2 votes)
    10 %
    tell everyone who's invited in person to please be discreet : (11 votes)
    55 %
    it's weird to ask for discretion, period. just relax : (7 votes)
    35 %
    you're not inviting everyone from work?! you're screwed... : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    737 posts
    Busy bee

    @ferdie224:  I can understand your concern.  Let’s just say that I was one of your co-workers who you invited.  I certainly would not announce the fact that I received an invitation out loud, but speak to you quietly and ask who else was invited so that I would know who I could speak to freely about your wedding.

    That is how I would do it.  Do you think your co-workers would have the same level of understanding?

    If you feel that this may not be the case, I would hand deliver the invitations discretly and say that they are one of a few invited and perhaps tell them who else is invited at the same time.  Much better than a note.

    Usually weddings or other major events (baby) are common knowledge at work places.  People do not expect to be invited.  They may hold a small morning tea event and buy you a combined gift, this is what we do in my workplace.

    Post # 4
    593 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Are the people that you ARE inviting your close friends? Like close enough you could just explain to them how the space is limited and you could only invite 8 or however many from work? I would think if they are your friends, it would come up somewhat casually in conversation. We are having a similar situation with my fiance’s co-workers. Hes a teacher but this is the first year he is in the school. Because we have HUGE families, lots of college friends (we just graduated 2 years ago), high school friends we’ve known forever and family friends.. our work friends was limited. Luckily, I am not working now but I invited 1 former co-worker. He invited 8 people from his school last year because he is SUPER close with them and will probably switch back to that school next year. He had originally decided to not invite anyone from his current school but we feel bad because they are throwing a shower for him, getting him all these gifts (well us technically) but we aren’t inviting them. I asked if there was any he wanted to add but he said he can’t invite 1 or 2 without inviting his entire grade level (12 people) plus a few administration (3-4). As of right now we are not inviting them (we can’t, we invited 177 and our venue only holds 150). If we get enough no’s, we are going to invite them and just explain why we couldn’t invite them earlier. 

    Post # 6
    12 posts
    • Wedding: January 2014

    When and if you talk about the wedding at work, I would mention that you we’re having a small intimate gathering with mostly family. With that being said, I would probably just invite the best friend(Sr Resident). Everyone else will understand especially if they know you are having an intimate gathering.

    Post # 7
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I think being discrete about it is a little sneeky and people don’t like sneaky. There is a difference between being discrete and talking about it all the time at work hurting your co-worker’s feelings. There is no point in having your co-worker’s that are attending to lie about it because the truth will come out at some point and that will make for an uncomfortable work environment. 

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