Post # 1
So, I work in a large department. I am an anesthesiologist and work with about 50 other anesthesiologists. Additionally, there are about 50 residents in our department (I am not long out of residency, so several are my friends, and my best friend is one of the senior residents), and about 75 or so nurses and mid-level providers. I am on good terms with nearly all of these people, but clearly I am closer with some than others.
We want a small wedding. My fiance and I aren’t big on being the center of attention, and we both feel like this is fairly intimate moment in our lives best shared with those we’re closest with. Also, our venue limits us at about 120 people comfortably, and we’d like to stay under 100.
I am planning to invite some people I work with, but obviously not all, and whereas there are some people who clearly wouldn’t expect to be invited, there are others who fall in a bit of a grey zone and I’m worried about hurting feelings. We are not sending out save the dates to my coworkers because we have not figured out what to do about this yet.
Do you think this would be a good way to deal with the problem of not all coworkers being invited? I was thinking that in the formal invitations I send to my coworkers that I invite, I could include a personalized note, saying we’re excited for them to celebrate with us, but unfortunately we’re not able to invite all our coworkers, so we ask they please use some discretion when expressing their excitement about our big day while at work.
Is that weird or tacky??? I just don’t want the people from work who are invited talking to everyone else at work about “did you get invited to Ferdie’s wedding???” and then having feelings get big-time hurt. I understand there may be a few people who feel left out and that’s a little bit unavoidable even if people are discreet, but I just want to avoid as much of a circus as I can..
(for the record, there really will only be a handful of people from work invited. Right now I can think of 8 I for sure want to invite, and about 3-5 more that I’m on the fence about. That’s out of the more than 150 people I work with. So it’s not like 1/2 the people will get invited, and 1/2 wont)
Post # 3
@ferdie224: I can understand your concern. Let’s just say that I was one of your co-workers who you invited. I certainly would not announce the fact that I received an invitation out loud, but speak to you quietly and ask who else was invited so that I would know who I could speak to freely about your wedding.
That is how I would do it. Do you think your co-workers would have the same level of understanding?
If you feel that this may not be the case, I would hand deliver the invitations discretly and say that they are one of a few invited and perhaps tell them who else is invited at the same time. Much better than a note.
Usually weddings or other major events (baby) are common knowledge at work places. People do not expect to be invited. They may hold a small morning tea event and buy you a combined gift, this is what we do in my workplace.
Post # 4
Are the people that you ARE inviting your close friends? Like close enough you could just explain to them how the space is limited and you could only invite 8 or however many from work? I would think if they are your friends, it would come up somewhat casually in conversation. We are having a similar situation with my fiance’s co-workers. Hes a teacher but this is the first year he is in the school. Because we have HUGE families, lots of college friends (we just graduated 2 years ago), high school friends we’ve known forever and family friends.. our work friends was limited. Luckily, I am not working now but I invited 1 former co-worker. He invited 8 people from his school last year because he is SUPER close with them and will probably switch back to that school next year. He had originally decided to not invite anyone from his current school but we feel bad because they are throwing a shower for him, getting him all these gifts (well us technically) but we aren’t inviting them. I asked if there was any he wanted to add but he said he can’t invite 1 or 2 without inviting his entire grade level (12 people) plus a few administration (3-4). As of right now we are not inviting them (we can’t, we invited 177 and our venue only holds 150). If we get enough no’s, we are going to invite them and just explain why we couldn’t invite them earlier.
Post # 5
yeah, the people I’m inviting are people I’m close with, but not necessarily people I hang out with frequently outside of work for the most part, like my other friends. they’re more people whom I’m closer with than average at work, and consider my mentors
I just feel like it’d be awkward to hunt them down in person (ie at work) to tell them they’re one of a select few… And I’m not going to hand-deliver invites, they’re going in the mail – just seems too elementary-school-valentines-day to me… I know everyone at work knows I’m getting married (and no, @Aussiemum: there won’t be a tea or shower, I’m sure of that (our department is much too big!)) and I’m sure most people won’t expect to be invited, but I’m sure there will be some who will expect it, but won’t be because our wedding is going to be so small…
Post # 6
When and if you talk about the wedding at work, I would mention that you we’re having a small intimate gathering with mostly family. With that being said, I would probably just invite the best friend(Sr Resident). Everyone else will understand especially if they know you are having an intimate gathering.
Post # 7
I think being discrete about it is a little sneeky and people don’t like sneaky. There is a difference between being discrete and talking about it all the time at work hurting your co-worker’s feelings. There is no point in having your co-worker’s that are attending to lie about it because the truth will come out at some point and that will make for an uncomfortable work environment.