Google ruined my proposal "surprise" – I still have guilt – Help

posted 3 weeks ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

Hindsight is a beautiful thing isn’t it? Of course looking back and knowing what you know now, it is easy to put two and two together and think to yourself that you should’ve done something differently.. It’s a different story in the moment though.

Maybe one day you’ll both be able to laugh about the fact that he thought he surprised you but you lowkey knew it was coming 🙂 Life is not always like in the movies, don’t beat yourself up about it!

Post # 3
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

I think you are way over thinking it! I don’t think it’s not that big of a deal. My now husband bought me a ring and had it in his car so that he could propose to me, but I found it right before he was going to pop the question. I saw the look on his face when I looked in the glove box for an item, but I pretended not to see it. To this day he doesn’t know that I found it. hah! I doubt he would care, but I haven’t told him I already knew. 

Post # 4
Member
697 posts
Busy bee

I guess I don’t understand. Did you two never discuss the possibility of becoming engaged before he proposed? It’s not as though you knew of his step by step plans, the date, etc. You knew that a ring had been purchased. My proposal was a surprise, but after talking with my now husband about our future and timeline, I wouldn’t have been surprised at all if I found evidence he had bought the ring in the months leading up to our proposal.

If you insist on telling him, I would come clean but in a fun and jokey manner. Not a serious, we need to sit down and talk about this, kind of way. If he doesn’t have a strong opinion about it initially, he will take his cues from you. If you bring it up like it is this huge deal that changes everything, he may match that reaction even if he otherwise wouldn’t have thought it a big deal. If you bring it up casually and playfully, I could see him thinking it’s funny, or at least not a big deal at all. Also focus on the parts that were a suprised and you had no idea about, and how great those aspects were.

Post # 5
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

You already feel bad, so why spread the pain/guilt? They say misery loves company, and I see no other reason to tell him than to make him feel awful, too. While it may not have been as big a surprise as it could have been, you made a mistake that really has no bearing on anything. It doesn’t change anything, and it doesn’t make the proposal itself less special or the ring less beautiful or your love less intense. So just take a deep breath and let it go. 

Post # 6
Member
4425 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

These “how I ‘accidentally’ opened an email in my significant others inbox” stories get more and more convoluted each time it’s brought up. I can’t even follow this one

Post # 8
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2000

Leave it “bee”, pun intended 😂.  I knew the day my husband was going to propose just by how nervous he was but almost 20 years later and he still doesn’t know.  I would never tell him.  

Post # 9
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee

kd1025 :  …this sounds very similar to my own experience. I didn’t know that my husband had purchased the ring, but I had seen it and we had talked about it, si I knew that once he asked me, that would be the ring I would be getting. Similarly, my now husband had booked a dinner cruise to go on…and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he was going to propose on the cruise.

Bee, why beat yourself up over this? Save your guilt for a time when you were rude, mean, disrespectful, etc😜….those things are worth feeling guilty over…. not coming across your ring receipt.

Post # 10
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Personally, I don’t think you should have clicked that when you saw his email come up. Personally, I think you should have asked your Fiance, not google, if you should help him pay for a ring. He apparently did not need help. Or had you two discussed it before? Maybe he lied about not being able to afford it so he could surprise you.

But whatever the case, the other poster is right. Just because you knew he bought a ring, it did not mean you knew the date, time, location, or method of the proposal.

I don’t think google ruined the proposal because Google did not force you to click on the link provided. It gave you several links to choose from, yes?

I think we sometimes ruin things for ourselves because we can’t be patient. I’m sorely guilty of that myself. I don’t see the need to go back and tell him this happened. I really don’t. Why make him feel less than thrilled about the proposal? Why make him now think twice about using your phone for anything? I’d just leave it alone.

Post # 11
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You guys were in a committed relationship, agreed to marry, and presumably you gave him ideas on the ring. Getting engaged wasn’t a huge surprise, just the exact moment. Let it go. 

Post # 12
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

1. You are WAAAY overthinking this. Let it go. If you cannot let it go, you need to seek the assistance of a therapist. Seriously.

 

2. You are only thinking about yourself in wanting to tell your Fiance. The question you need to answer is, WHY is it so important that he needs to know this info? What would he gain by knowing you accidentally snooped.  I’ll answer: HE GAINS NOTHING. There is absolutely no good reason to tell him except you want to overshare your (unnecessary) guilt. 

 

3. Proposals are important I guess but once you’re married, you REALLY don’t think about your proposal at all. Just move on. 

Post # 13
Member
3888 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’ll get over it. My husband used to carry my id in his wallet for me when we went out to the bar. Before i left work one Monday I opened his wallet to get it back, and the jewelry store receipt was folded in a way that the store name was right on top. So i knew for a good 6 weeks it was coming. 

I felt really guilty for “snooping” (unintentionally), and ruining what he wanted to be a surprise. 

Tbh after 6 years of marriage i haven’t thought of it until this post  so trust me you’ll forget.

Post # 14
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

A surprise proposal is in no way a requirement for a happy marriage. You didn’t do anything wrong so you don’t need to “come clean.” Just focus on your excitement for your upcoming wedding!

Post # 15
Member
1960 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t get this at all. You were waiting a long time, be real, the proposal was hardly a surprise. You’re upset because you saw a ring for ritual you knew was coming. So what? Most women are not taken by surprise and I’m convinced that half the ones that say they are are lying.

I’m sure you must have better things to obsess about.

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