Google ruined my proposal "surprise" – I still have guilt – Help

posted 2 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 16
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

alexa14 :  Let him be happy about surprising you. No point ruining it for him. 

Post # 17
Member
5325 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

This happened 7 months ago and you’re still fixated on it? It’s really not a big deal. AT ALL. This is NOTHING. It’s not even a little bit of something. It’s not even a teensy weensy little itty bitty thing. It’s NOTHING.

You might want to cultivate a meditation practice in the new year, though. It’s really helpful with mental spirals and fixations and magnifying stories (which the mind is wont to do).

Congratulations on your engagement! I hope your planning is going well.

Post # 18
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Premier Ballroom

I also figured out about my surprise proposal beforehand. We had discussed marriage and a ring but not really in depth, plus my parents aren’t so much in my life and we were already living together so I really had no idea it was coming. But I was in my car with my young SIL in the back and she spotted a receipt, asking me if i needed it and I looked over it and of course, an engagement ring was bought. I discussed with my SIL and told her to give him the receipt and tell him that she found it. I have not told him at all ever since (it has been 2 years) and I plan to keep it that way. It isn’t a big deal at all, we are getting married, thatnis what matters the most! I have to admit though I was a little disappointed at the time that he was careless like that, but I know he put a lot of effort. Don’t ruin it for him. Trust me, you will get over it, just don’t overthink it. You will feel guiltier telling him because he worked hard to set it all up and his one small detail ruined the surprise, and he will feel horrible. 

Post # 19
Member
2883 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

The whole “suprise” proposal thing is soooo overrated, but I get it’s important to some people.

You knew the ring was coming, so you shouldn’t have opened the email.  Google didn’t “make” you do anything.  So you saw the receipt- so what?  I really find it hard to believe that 7 (SEVEN!) months later you’re stewing over this?  Girl, let it go!

I knew approximately when my husband actually bought my ring.  I knew a proposal was coming and knowing ahead of time didn’t ruin anything.

Do NOT tell him that you saw the email.  You just feel guilty and want to spread those feelings to make you feel less guilty.  You really have to find something else to focus on.

Post # 20
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee

How did knowing he bought a ring ruined the suprise? I’m assuming you had talked about marriage, so therefore that ruined the suprise already. You knew at done point in your life you’d be getting a proposal. It’s not like the heading was “engagement day tineline” and you knew everything. Knowing a ring exists is not really a suprise ruining 

Post # 21
Member
9641 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

alexa14 :  

Bee, it’s done. You can’t put toothpaste back in the tube and you can’t unsee things. Whether taking a look was right, wrong, or neutral is now completely irrelevant.

What purpose is the guilt serving? Is it helpful to anyone? In any way? Is it useful? Does someone get a benefit from your guilt? Is it a productive use of your time and energy?

Or, is it a form of self flagellation for the imaginary sin of being human? You did nothing malicious. Your excitement and curiosity was too much to ignore, as it would be for many women in your situation.

Holding on to the guilt not only solves nothing, it keeps you steeping in negative energy. Let it go. If you really feel you must make amends, then do so.  I would leave things alone.

After seven months of clinging to this, I have to believe there is more under the surface. Do you struggle with anxiety in general?

Usually, I am huge on full disclosure. However, in your case, you may want to balance the equities. Is telling your bf going to be solely to assuage your (pointless) guilt; or will it genuinely serve the best interests of the relationship? Will wrecking your bf’s chance to surprise you be worth it?

Post # 22
Member
5597 posts
Bee Keeper

Sansa85 :  But it’s googles fault that she snooped in his email! That makes it totally an accident. 

OP – you are definitely over thinking. You shouldn’t have snooped, you ruined your own surprise, and you paid the price. Just leave it and move on. You have so much more to look forward to, stop dwelling in the past.

Post # 23
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I knew my husband was going to propose on a trip we were going on. Turns out, he was actually planning to propose the weekend before, but couldn’t because the ring didn’t come in time. Then, I changed my mind and thought he wouldn’t propose on the trip, because I knew the ring was delayed and still hadn’t come in. He ended up proposing with a stand in. So, did I know when he was going to propose? Kind of, cause my initial thought was the trip and that’s when he ended up proposing, but all the details and the timing and place on the trip were a surprise. So when he asked if I knew, I told him the truth that I had some suspicions, but knew the ring was delayed and so I stopped thinking it’d be on the trip. But if I’d found some clues or emails about it, I wouldn’t have told him. 

What’s done is done, and there’s no point on obsessing over this. 

Post # 24
Member
9021 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i knew my husband was going to propose one of 2 weekends.  i didn’t know the how.  and it was still magical.

Post # 25
Member
20 posts
Newbee

My boyfriend hasn’t even proposed yet but I know it’s coming because I signed for the ring (he had it mailed because we ordered it overseas but wasn’t home when the package was delivered).

I actually think it’s making me more excited, not less, about when he’s going to propose! He knows I saw the package, it doesn’t in any change the fact that I don’t know where / when / how he will propose, and it doesn’t change the fact that we are getting married and we are both so excited about it. 

Seriously – do not spend another day thinking about this – just enjoy your engagement!

Post # 26
Member
2518 posts
Sugar bee

Dear Lord this website is a bottomless font of inspiration! Every time I read one of these posts I am renewed with joy that I’m very VERY OLD!!

Post # 27
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Doesn’t take away anything special from that moment, and you’re right, it really could make him feel sad since he feels as though it was a genuine surprise. I think it really shows how much you are open/honest with eachother that you are nervous to keep this ‘secret,’ but small potatoes :p Sometimes you have to spare your partner a little bit. Telling him will only make you feel better for a second and then you will wish you kept it to yourself. Everytime you think of your proposal and picture yourself opening that e-mail say to yourself, “That’s a silly thing, no big deal” and remember him on his knee! Re-conditioning, you got this! It’s all about how you look at it 🙂 

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