Gossip about the EX BF

posted 7 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Ok. Cut contact with him and stop having your son involved- he shouldnt be in the middle of this. 

You broke up with him and his dating life is none of your business.

Post # 3
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is so bizarre, why do you talk to your ex’s ex wife?

Why does it concern you if the new gf pays towards the house or not?

Apparently, she has a 13 year old boy and a 15 year old girl.  WOW!  Just wow.

Okay???  

It sounds like this was a messy relationship and breakup but why are you still this involved 6+ months after the breakup? You are stopping yourself from getting over him. 

Post # 4
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Gossip is toxic, bee.  Cut ties and get your kids out of this drama.

Post # 5
Member
9093 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

who cares?  you moved on and are happy.  after your son is finished dog sitting, you don’t have to have contact anymore.  block everyone’s number.

Post # 6
Member
9573 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

STOP. 

Post # 7
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Stay out of this man’s business and move on with your life.

Post # 8
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I’m sorry but I just don’t understand where you find the time for all this. Don’t you have a job? Or literally anything else that gets you out of the house?

Post # 9
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Who cares..?

 

Post # 10
Member
4907 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

andromeda99 :  your last paragraph… you say he can’t handle looking bad in any relationship. You’re thinking that he’s doing this, and moving this fast, to make himself feel better after the end of your relationship? Is that what I just read?

That’s a pretty self centered thought process, thinking that he’s doing things in his life because of you.

Is that why you’re keeping tabs on him? 

Post # 12
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Don’t put your son in the middle of this. 

Post # 13
Member
5877 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

That is an interesting update to have received, but if your back is to him and you are truly moving on, I think you should completely cut off all interactions with him and people associated with him. His ex clearly still has to be entangled with him since they have kids. You do not and you should take advantage of that and stay as far away from him in all ways possible.

Also- even if your family haven’t gotten the memo that you’ve moved, you can notify the post office so that your mail is automatically forwarded to you and you can really stay focused on your own healing- you don’t come out of a multi-year situation like that unscathed.

Post # 14
Member
10415 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

andromeda99 :  

Bee, Bee, Bee.  I beg of you. I beseech you. I implore you. STOP.

Stop all contact, indirect, direct, by proxy, by shill, electronically, by smoke signals or carrier pigeon. You are behaving self destructively.  Stop it.

Your ex is performing perfectly for someone high in narcissistic traits or an actual narcissist. (A distinction without a difference in your case). This was more predictable than night following day.

You cut off his narcissistic supply.  This is unbearable to him. No narcissist can stand to be alone. So, he simply replaced you. Easy enough. Why not? To the narcissist, people are nothing but objects, to be moved around as they see fit. You are not a person, with actual emotions, needs, pain, and desires.

Being the narcissist that he is, he would much prefer to keep you on a string as well. And, evidently his ex, too. Narcissists are especially fond of collecting harems. They feel better when they have what they consider a steady supply of narcissistic adoration.

Understand, that his perceptions are nothing like yours. He texts/calls. You jump like Pavlov’s dog. It doesn’t matter what you say. He does not hear the words. What registers:  I got her to answer! I knew she was still into me!

That’s how the narcissist thinks. You can tell him to fuck off, you hate him, and you never want to her from him again. Through the filter of narcissism, the ex will hear: Wow, she’s intense! That girl still has it bad for me. She’s dying to fuck me.

I’m just the translator here.

Knock off the politeness thing. I am all about good manners and mourn their disappearance, but, Bee. Reserve those courtesies for people who don’t abuse you. You do not owe this POS anything, including any “thank yous”. Particularly for an act he did for a third party, orchestrated to get you to pay attention to him. Next time your son is hungry, you bring him food.

This is why it is so pointless, confusing, and frustrating to try to discuss things with a narcissist. They do not hear and process what you are actually saying. Everything gets run through the narcissist filter.

There is a theory that a narcissist has no exes. There is some wisdom in that. Sooner or later, they are likely to resurface. It won’t ever be because they have changed, seen the light, miss you, can’t live without you, or found religion. It will because narcissists become quite vexed when one of their harem members runs away.

And, for the love of gawd, Bee. Do not wrap yourself around the axel of other people’s kids again. You cannot help them. It is not your place to help them. You do not have the power to help them. If you believe abuse is going on, including emotional abuse, report it. Then, stay the hell out of it.

We can call this a relapse. You know it was wrong, that’s why you posted about it here. Get yourself back on No Contact. Make an agreement with us—you will never again respond to any form of communication from this guy until you post about it here first and give us time to talk about it. It doesn’t matter if he claims his house burned down and he only has two weeks to live.  Don’t think narcissists don’t pull that kind of crap.

You’ve got this, Bee. I still believe in you. And, I’ve worked to damn hard for this to go all sideways now.

Post # 15
Member
10415 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Sansa85 :  

As for the not wanting to look bad, again, classic narcissist crap. They are very big on Image Management. Nothing new here.

If he performs his narcissist role to perfection, he will, or has already, launched a vicious smear campaign against the OP.

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