Post # 1
So Darling Husband and I just found out we’re expecting. He’s really excited and eager to tell our families (even though I’m only 4 weeks and haven’t even confirmed with a Dr yet).
The issue with telling my family so soon is that my grandmother lives with my parents, and she LOVES to talk. She’s always on the phone with relatives and she often blurts things out without thinking because she loves having news to share, sometimes even things shared in the strictest confidence.
So what am I supposed to do? Deal with the guilt of telling my parents months before I tell my grandmother? Tell her and hope she keeps the secret? Waiting until after the first trimester to tell parents is not really an option. I’m super close with my mom and she’ll find out soon enough anyway. I just really don’t want my entire extended family to know just yet. 🙂 What would you do??
Post # 3
Tell Mom what your fears are. I bet she’ll know what to do about her Mom. =)
Post # 4
I think it would be totally ok to tell your parents before your grandmother, given your concerns. When you do tell your parents, let them know why you are choosing not to tell your grandmother at that time.
Post # 5
I think it’s fine to tell DH’s parents before the grandparents. We will tell his parents at around 10 weeks and tell them to keep it quiet until we’ve given the go-ahead. Hopefully his grandmother won’t find out until we are ready.
We are waiting until 10 weeks for his parents because they also have big mouths!!
Post # 6
Oh man, I hear you because we will have a similar situation when I get pregnant too. What I will probably do is wait as long as we possibly can to tell our parents, then at that time ask them not to tell extended family (or just grandma) until around X date. That way, they at least know you don’t want it broadcasted and if they DO tell grandma then maybe she will also hear that she’s not supposed to know and actually be quiet about it? But either way, we will probably just wait until we’re okay with announcing it to the world before telling a soul.
Post # 7
It’s your news and you and Darling Husband can decide who to tell and when and should not feel guilty at all for telling some people before others. We told my parents at 6 weeks, his parents at 8 weeks, and then waited to tell my grandmother until 11 weeks when we were planning to annouce it to our extended family. I never felt guilty and I don’t think she took offense to it at all. She was just excited for us.
Post # 8
Congratulations! Id tell her when the baby comes out.
Post # 9
We were discussing when to tell people and Darling Husband said “I can’t wait forever!” and I was like, “You don’t have to wait forever, only nine months!”
It wouldn’t be an issue if my parents & grandmother didn’t live together. I feel like she’d expect me to tell them all at once. She’s 90 and can be kind of oblivious so maybe she won’t notice when I tell her, that my parents aren’t super excited…
Post # 10
If you trust your Mom, then you can tell her earlier. But, under no circumstances should you expect your Grandmother to keep the secret. You shouldn’t even hope for it. I think some people are just incapable of keeping things to themselves–and I don’t mean that in a catty way, I think they just…can’t.
When I got pregnant with my 2nd child, I found out when I was 7 weeks pregnant. I had a 3 month old at the time. I told my Mom, and told her specifically “We are not telling anyone. Please DO NOT say anything, it’s very early, and i’m very nervous.”
She looked me straight in the face, and said “Of course I won’t tell!”
So, imagine my surprise, when I went into Mom’s office a day or so laterto drop off a paper. Her coworker (which I had only met once, previously) said “OMG, congratulations! When is the new baby due?”
I almost dropped my 3 month old, I was so shocked.
Then this continued, to the point where I found out her whole office knew. I was mortified.
So, really, the point of that, is the only way to ensure that the news doesn’t get spread is to tell NO ONE.
Post # 11
I don’t think it would be unreasonable to tell your parents before you tell your grandmother. That’s what we did when we were expecting Dirty Delete. We told our parents and siblings at 7 weeks, after the first ultrasound and then told our grandmothers at 12 weeks and after that it was official.
Post # 12
Bumping for the evening crowd.
Darling Husband wants to visit my family this weekend and tell them in person – I personally think it’s way early but he can’t hold it in, and I think I would want my parents to know in case the baby doesn’t “stick” and I need emotional support.
Since my grandmother is often in her room when we arrive, I think we’ll have an opportunity to tell my parents without her overhearing so that’s what I’m leaning towards. I still feel a little bad for not including her in the initial announcement and I hope she understands. It’s just way, way too early for the news to start spreading around the family.
Post # 13
@iheartnerds: I can understand where you’re coming from. At nearly 11 weeks, I’m badly wanting to tell my grandma, but I want to wait till our first ultra sound. As soon as there’s news about somebody in the family, she’s on the phone within minutes spreading that information. Some of my extended family works for the same company as I do, and I can’t risk them saying something to my boss before they do.
I’m sure your parents will understand your hesistation. Maybe in a few weeks you might feel comfortable letting your grandma know. In the end, it’s completely up to you and your Darling Husband. It’s certainly not unreasonable to let your parents know first.
Post # 14
I would tell your parents if they can keep a secret. Otherwise, they’ll tell grandma anyway. We’re very private and superstitious, so I would have no problems not telling anyone that I think will blab to the world. Is it possible to invite your parents over and tell them this way? Or maybe Darling Husband can take grandma outside or distract her while you tell them?
Post # 15
I wouldn’t tell anyone who “talks” until you’re ready for everyone to know. For us, that means Darling Husband and I aren’t going to tell our families until after the first trimester. If you think your mom can keep the secret you can give it a shot, but be prepared for it to backfire when she accidentally lets it slip and everyone finds out. Because it’s hard to not share the excitement, Darling Husband and I have decided to each tell one or two close friends who we can rely on to keep it a secret.
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
In this case, I’d probably just wait until 12 or 13 weeks to tell your family. I’d be worried that mom would accidentally say something in the comfort of her own home. Many people wait until the 2nd trimester to tell their own family.