Post # 1
So today I get home from work and my cousin’s wedding invitation just came in. I live at home, so it had my and my parent’s names on it, but not my SO. That pissed me off soooo much, not to mention how rude that is! We have been together twice as long as they have, and we are thisclose to getting engaged. Plus, my aunt and uncle always ask when I am getting engaged so it’s not like my cousin doesn’t know how serious we are. It just drives me nuts!!!!!
Thanks for letting me vent bees. I was having a good day too until this happened 🙁
Post # 3
If your cousin doesn’t know that an adult child should get their own invitation, maybe she also thinks that by inviting you, she is inviting your SO.
Have your Mom chat up the wedding with your cousin or her Mom and see if she can clarify.
Post # 4
It’s actually a male cousin, so he is probably doesn’t know the proper etiquette is. I’m still upset but I might say something to my aunt about it. Then again, they actually mailed our invite to my aunt’s house instead of getting our address from her so whatver. It stills bugs me though.
Post # 5
i totally don’t blame you for being upset. i’d just ask her about it, though. maybe it was just they assumed you knew you could bring him, or something silly like they didn’t know how to spell his last name, or they felt weird putting his name on an invite going to your parents house? i’d hope if they were so interested in your soon to be engagement, they’ve obviously accepted and welcomed your bf into the family. just talk to your aunt, or have your mom approach it if that suits your family dynamics better, and then go from there. if they purposely exclued him, though, that’s just plain rude.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Ah, just let it roll off your back. By the time my cousins had their weddings, A and I had been together for 2 years– longer than they had been with their fiances, and they just put “and guest” on my invites. It’s not a big deal, really.
Post # 7
@sherryberry: yeah me too – I had dated my now husband for 5 years, we were 3 months from our wedding, and a college friend who had gone through 2-3 boyfriends while I knew her, still put ‘and Guest’ on mine. I was like seriously? You’ve known my fiance longer than you’ve known yours.
You just have to laugh at silly things like that.
Post # 8
Yeah….one of Fi’s friends pulled the “and guest” on his invite too….we’d been engaged longer than the betrothed had even known each other and I was just a “guest”? These same people (well, the friend, not his wife who is a dispatcher and had to work) and his father (again without his wife, shes a hairdresser and was working another wedding) both failed to bring a card or gift or anything. I guess my point is that just because someone is planning a wedding doesn’t mean they are clueless about ettiquette…
Post # 9
Sorry you’re hurt but IMO, there isn’t much you can do about it. The B&G probably have to draw a hard line somewhere when it comes to guests (due to space, budget, etc) and if their hard line is that guest must be engaged/married/living together/etc, than you and your SO don’t meet it, no matter how close you are or how long you’ve been together.
Post # 10
If she instituted a rule such as only people who are engaged or living together and you dont make the cut, then you don’t make the cut even if you are really close to getting engaged. I wasnt invited to my husbands cousins wedding even though we were living together. There rule was engaged or not. I didnt make the cut.
Its really hard to make exceptions to rules because then other people want to know why “so and so” got an invite.
I dont think she did anything wrong. Even if you had gotten your own invite and it wasnt a plus one, you would probably still be upset.
I am no sure you background etc, but I included my cousin on an invite who was living at home and still in college. Technically he was an adult, but he was being largely supported my mom and dad. HE didnt get a plus one, but his two siblings did (well it was addressed to them and their long term SO’s) I am sure he wanted a date and even very nicely asked me why and I told him that he wasnt dating anyone, I am sorry. Only long term relationships got a date.
Post # 11
@lefeymw: I agree.
I have the married or engaged rule for my wedding. My mom is mad that my brother’s girlfriend isn’t invited even though they just had a baby, sorry – she didn’t meet the guidelines.
You have to be understanding that it is their wedding and they can trim the guestlist in any way that benefits them. It’s probably nothing personal, just financial.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Oh…that’s kind of awful 🙁 She seriously can’t come to your wedding because they’re not marriage or engaged? What if they’re one of those couples who just never get hitched?
Post # 13
@misskoala: That’s a bit extreme I think. I can understand your mom being a bit upset over that one. I mean…she just gave birth to your neice/nephew.
@wishingonadream04: Sorry girl…that’s harsh. Especially seeing as y’all have been together longer than they have. I agree with some of the others though that maybe they just set up certain guidelines to follow, and stuck with them regardless of the situation.
Post # 14
I get that it’s their wedding and they get to decide the guest list, but it still burns me that they did this. They act all superior to us anyway since the bride comes from a bit of money but this just still burns me. Honestly, I’m not sure my bf would want to go anyway, but I still think that they should let him decide for himself, not just basically say he can’t come.
For those talking about living together, we don’t live together for religious reasons so that doesn’t apply to us.
Post # 15
@wishingonadream04: I think I can understand why it would bother you. However, like others have said, it may have been just a financial decision only. I’ve thought about my own guest list and I’ve realized that some of my friends SO’s I would invite and others I just can’t simply due to cost. So on my list married, engaged takes precedence over a bf who hasn’t been around that long. Touchy subject I guess! But I do get why you’d be upset!
Post # 16
Thanks for letting me vent ladies. I’m still upset but it won’t change anything. Guess I’ll be texting my SO all night then to let him know what’s going on lol I just wish the next couple months will fly by so I can stop hearing about the wedding all the time lol