(Closed) Got a wedding invitation today (warning: vent)

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
46670 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your cousin doesn’t know that an adult child should get their own invitation, maybe she also thinks that by inviting you, she is inviting your SO.

Have your Mom chat up the wedding with your cousin or her Mom and see if she can clarify.

Post # 5
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i totally don’t blame you for being upset. i’d just ask her about it, though.  maybe it was just they assumed you knew you could bring him, or something silly like they didn’t know how to spell his last name, or they felt weird putting his name on an invite going to your parents house?  i’d hope if they were so interested in your soon to be engagement,  they’ve obviously accepted and welcomed your bf into the family.  just talk to your aunt, or have your mom approach it if that suits your family dynamics better, and then go from there.  if they purposely exclued him, though, that’s just plain rude.

Post # 6
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Ah, just let it roll off your back. By the time my cousins had their weddings, A and I had been together for 2 years– longer than they had been with their fiances, and they just put “and guest” on my invites. It’s not a big deal, really. 

Post # 7
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@sherryberry: yeah me too – I had dated my now husband for 5 years, we were 3 months from our wedding, and a college friend who had gone through 2-3 boyfriends while I knew her, still put ‘and Guest’ on mine. I was like seriously? You’ve known my fiance longer than you’ve known yours.

You just have to laugh at silly things like that.

Post # 8
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah….one of Fi’s friends pulled the “and guest” on his invite too….we’d been engaged longer than the betrothed had even known each other and I was just a “guest”?  These same people (well, the friend, not his wife who is a dispatcher and had to work) and his father (again without his wife, shes a hairdresser and was working another wedding) both failed to bring a card or gift or anything.  I guess my point is that just because someone is planning a wedding doesn’t mean they are clueless about ettiquette…

Post # 9
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sorry you’re hurt but IMO, there isn’t much you can do about it.  The B&G probably have to draw a hard line somewhere when it comes to guests (due to space, budget, etc) and if their hard line is that guest must be engaged/married/living together/etc, than you and your SO don’t meet it, no matter how close you are or how long you’ve been together.

Post # 10
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

If she instituted a rule such as only people who are engaged or living together and you dont make the cut, then you don’t make the cut even if you are really close to getting engaged. I wasnt invited to my husbands cousins wedding even though we were living together. There rule was engaged or not. I didnt make the cut.

Its really hard to make exceptions to rules because then other people want to know why “so and so” got an invite.

I dont think she did anything wrong. Even if you had gotten your own invite and it wasnt a plus one, you would probably still be upset.

I am no sure you background etc, but I included my cousin on an invite who was living at home and still in college. Technically he was an adult, but he was being largely supported my mom and dad. HE didnt get a plus one, but his two siblings did (well it was addressed to them and their long term SO’s) I am sure he wanted a date and even very nicely asked me why and I told him that he wasnt dating anyone, I am sorry. Only long term relationships got a date.

Post # 11
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@lefeymw: I agree.

I have the married or engaged rule for my wedding. My mom is mad that my brother’s girlfriend isn’t invited even though they just had a baby, sorry – she didn’t meet the guidelines.

You have to be understanding that it is their wedding and they can trim the guestlist in any way that benefits them. It’s probably nothing personal, just financial.

Post # 12
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Oh…that’s kind of awful 🙁   She seriously can’t come to your wedding because they’re not marriage or engaged? What if they’re one of those couples who just never get hitched?

Post # 13
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@misskoala: That’s a bit extreme I think. I can understand your mom being a bit upset over that one. I mean…she just gave birth to your neice/nephew.

@wishingonadream04: Sorry girl…that’s harsh. Especially seeing as y’all have been together longer than they have. I agree with some of the others though that maybe they just set up certain guidelines to follow, and stuck with them regardless of the situation.

Post # 15
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

@wishingonadream04: I think I can understand why it would bother you. However, like others have said, it may have been just a financial decision only. I’ve thought about my own guest list and I’ve realized that some of my friends SO’s I would invite and others I just can’t simply due to cost. So on my list married, engaged takes precedence over a bf who hasn’t been around that long. Touchy subject I guess! But I do get why you’d be upset!

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