Post # 1
I got engaged about 2 months or so after one of my friends. My potential wedding date is probably going to be about a month before hers. I knew what her date was before me and my fiance chose ours, but I did not choose it to “spite” her, we chose our date because that time of year means something to not only us, but our families as well.
Anyway, she is not very happy about it. She says that some of our friends who live far away may have to choose which wedding to attend since the dates are so close together. She doesn’t want to “inconvenience them.” I do see her point, but at the same time, I don’t feel it’s a good enough reason for me to change our date (we have about 3 friends who live far away and it might make it inconvenient for them).
Am I being really selfish thinking this way? I am trying to see it from her point of view, but I am the type of person who just wouldn’t care if that happened to me. She is definitely not that type, so I am trying to be empathetic. In my opinion, my wedding is about me and my fiance. I am not going to plan it around other people (especially the only 3 people who live far) and as long as our families and most of our friends can make it, I feel like that’s all that matters.
Post # 3
@lk14: I think its crazy when people try to dictate the dates of other peoples events. She should suck it up. That being said, you can’t be upset at people who cant swing both events. I say have your day when you want it.
Post # 4
@lk14: Encourage your friend to sent Save-The-Date Cards out before you. Tell her you aren’t sending them out until X date so that the far friends hear about hers first. Tell her people usually pick the wedding they hear about first. That should cheer her up.
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@lk14: I don’t think you’re being selfish. Every bride and groom is going to have thier own timeline and like you said, you chose it because that time of year means something to you.
Post # 6
I can sort of see her point of view..
Post # 7
If the date you picked is of importance to you and your Fiance, then that is the most important thigng. I agree with MrsBroccoli, have her send out her save the dates first. Maybe you will get lucky and they will decide to come to both!
Post # 8
Unless you decided to plan your wedding for the same day or weekend as your friend’s wedding, or unless you had already committed to being in her wedding and then chose a date that would prevent you from fulfilling that commitment, I don’t think you did anything inappropriate by selecting the season and date that are best for you and your Fiance and your families.
Post # 9
Thanks for all of your responses! I like the STD idea. Me and my fiance are actually not even sending STD, but she is. If people can only come to one, I am perfectly okay with them choosing hers if it will make her happy. I know my day will be special even if everyone I invite cannot be there.
Post # 10
she needs to get over it. I can’t stand the selfish bridezillas like your friend. you don’t need to justify your reasoning for chosing your date to anyone, especially not her. sorry but this is not someone I’d consider a friend.
Too bad if people have to chose they have to chose. I honestly wouldn’t pick a wedding because it was first or because I got the STD first. I’d pick which one to go to based on who was more important to me, what weekend was more convenient, and which wedding I think I’d have more fun at based on venue, etc. If I was that close to both brides I’d suck it up and pay to travel for both.
there’s no rule that states if you get engaged first you get to get married first.
Post # 11
@MrsWBS: <– saved me from typing exactly how I feel about this. So I’ll just 1+.
Post # 12
I think you should be honest and talk to your friend. Its only fair. See what you can work out and compromise. Be open and honest. Don’t let her start to assume things that coul get feelings hurt.
Post # 13
I don’t think it’s bad to work around other people’s dates. I know a lot of other couples within my circle of friends getting married next year, and I made sure I wouldn’t conflict too closely with other dates. However, I think a month is plenty of time in between.
Post # 14
Don’t feel bad at all. She’s being silly. She get’s ONE day not a whole block of months to reserve. I would just tell her exactly what you said in this post. That it’s about you and your fiance and since it’s only 3 people they will figure it out. My first thought was since she announced her date first anyway than those 3 people would have planned on her’s first. It would be your wedding they would have to consider missing not her’s. You can’t be expected to change your date for 3 friends.
It’s a day for you and your fiance, no one else.
Post # 15
Don’t feel bad. I’m two weeks after one friend (who can’t attend mine since she’ll be honeymooning) and one month before another and both friends were engaged before me. You plan your wedding for you (achem… and your FI) and let everyone else deal. I’ve given up trying to please everyone!
I think MrsBroccoli’s idea is great! Hopefully that will pacify your friend.
Post # 16
You are not being selfish at all. Trust me. I am in the same situation.
I have a TON of friends getting married in the next 12 months. Many of them have been engaged for many months, some even over a year. I got engaged on Thanksgiving and we’re getting married in May. Our engagement will be 1/4 the length of some of our friends!
Some pouty brides think we are “showing them up” or “stealing their thunder” but NO! Why in the world would I choose a wedding date based on some “friend” who cares about that? How self-centered can other brides be to think we are TRYING to spite them with our date choices?!
Just take a breather. Yes, some people may have to “choose.” But big woop. The people who love you dearly will try their best to be there no matter what. And even if they can’t show up, you will still have an amazing day. That’s what I keep telling myself. Trust me, you are fine.
Stick with your date and don’t let her bother you. 🙂