(Closed) Got gift from someone not invited to shower

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Don’t let it worry you at all.  You have no reason to invite someone you don’t even know.  The gift that was sent was either a passive aggressive gesture for not inviting her or a true expression of good wishes given to the future daughter in law of her good friend.  

Either way just send a heartfelt personal thank you note and don’t let it enter your head again.  

Post # 4
2625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yes, I really won’t worry about it.  I got a gift at my shower from someone who we hadn’t invited (she lives out of state, we probably would have invited her if she was local, but I still felt bad about it).  I would just send the woman a lovely thank you and that’s that.

(Like PP said, you shouldn’t have invited her if you don’t know her.  I really wouldn’t worry or feel bad about this one!)

Post # 5
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Don’t worry at all!! It really was just a very kind gesture to give the gift.  I would suggest that you thank her for the “wedding gift” in the card, not the “shower gift”, ESPECIALLY if she is not invited to the wedding.  

Post # 6
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
elemmac :  My cousin hosted my shower and her aunt on the other side of the family basically invited herself. The only way I heard about it before was that another cousin was asking if the hostess needed help and the hostess said her aunt was “so exicted to help with the shower”. Weird because I think the only time I spent more than 5 minutes with her was at the hostess’ wedding. Maybe she wanted to help with mine because she saw that I put in a lot of work at my cousin’s wedding? I dunno. 

Anyway- she came, brought a gift (from my registry even!) and was very sweet. I had to track down her address (and name!) for the thank you gift. There’s not much to be done about it- just thank her for the lovely gift and say how much you’ll use and appreciate it. Done. It’s totally weird that she sent a gift when she wasn’t invited. 

Post # 7
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Not the exact same, but I definitely had a few gifts show up at the shower my in-law’s threw from people who aren’t even invited to the wedding! They’re getting a thank you note, and I’m not concerned beyond that!

Post # 8
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

Yep. No need to worry about the motive behind the gift. Send a nice thank you card asap and you’ve covered your bases.

I got a number of wedding gifts from uninvited guests. At first, I felt guilty for not extending an invitation to those people, but that’s silly. We spent a long time on our guest list and every acquaintance didn’t make the list. Their decision to send us a gift was a sign of their kindness and not a statement about our guest list.

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